I was sitting in an alphabet room listening to a member talk about boredom in recovery.   Of course 20 years of recovery is simply a miracle, but I also understand how the mundane can happen. As I pondered, I was reminded of the members who appeared to be doing all the right things and never got into the light. I have been to funerals of recovery members who took their lives with years and years of sobriety.

I know taking RX meds can be a slippery slope in recovery, but sometimes isn’t it completely necessary? Studies have shown that the brain neurological system can be very compromised with the use of drugs and alcohol. If that is the case, then should we take RX drugs to fix the problem? It sounds ridiculous when you think about it, but reality all over the world speaks for itself. Recovery can be enhanced by the proper medication from a qualified doctor of medicine. At least that is what it seems like considering medical rehabilitation centers are handing out pills like “Pez.” 

Studies also indicate that in many cases people who suffer from mental illness “use” drugs and alcohol as a self medication. If this is the case, then why all the hush hush in the alphabet rooms? I think that boredom, the feeling of the mundane, lack of joy, etc., in recovery can be a clear case of medical clinical depression or mania that cannot be treated by a higher power alone.

What say you?

Image courtesy of TeddyBear[Picnic]/freedigitalphotos.net.

I remember the feelings of overwhelming insecurity when I arrived in the alphabet rooms. I always felt like they were talking about me or looking at me. Of course, it was mostly my sick brain that made me so paranoid. Oh yeah, and my enormous ego that convinced me how important I thought I was.

However, there are so many celebrities who battle addictions. I always feel bad when I see shots splashed across the news of the latest celebrity du’jour busted for DUI, or so on. It is bad enough that addiction is so misunderstood, but to use illness as a way to sensationalize someone is tragic to me. I have been to meetings where the press was staked out and it can be downright frightening. 

I wonder if it is harder to truly realize full recovery and live a spiritual life free of addiction when the eyes of the world are upon you. Imagine living the height of your personal addiction debauchery with cameras flashing. Yikes!  I am glad I am just famous in my own mind. What a plight.

Photo courtesy of stock.xchng.com.

Are some people just not meant to sponsor others? 

I have a friend who seems to attract the most insane and dangerous people to sponsor. Even after many 24 hours she still manages to find the “sickest” people in the rooms. Of course, we are supposed to reach out the hand ... no matter what. I wonder if there are times when it is OK to say, “I am not available for emotional consultation.” 

I have no problem saying “no” when I need to replenish. Increasingly I have friends in the alphabet rooms call and tell me about how they are exhausted from 24/7 phone calls, making coffee and driving other members, etc. Of course, the “proper” response is, “your HP will not give you more than you can handle.”  Is that really true? Perhaps your HP is trying to tell you to dump some dead weight and get back to basking in the sunlight of the spirit. 

I choose to use one of many character defects — selfishness — to keep me sane sometimes.

So riddle me this ...When is enough, enough?

When I first came into the alphabet rooms, I remember feeling so overwhelmed and confused by the Steps. It was very apparent they were important to the program, but they seemed so confusing. As I questioned old timers about them, I heard things like “just do them” or “get a sponsor.” I went on the big search for a sponsor and was “assigned” a woman with long-term sobriety.

The first thing the new sponsor said was, “We are going to get into action immediately.” She gave me assignments like “writing consequences” and “gratitude lists” daily. I remember thinking that I hated school and this was worse! I pondered how all these kindergarten assignments were going to “quench my thirst.” I asked my sponsor how long these confusing elaborate steps would take and she replied ... “The rest of your life.” Yikes! Did this mean I would be doing homework every night? She reminded me that I had used every night. She told me that the founders of the alphabet group would get newcomers through the Steps within a couple of weeks the first time, so they could get into service of others. I rather liked that approach and hoped that’s what we did.

Within six months I was done with a basic run through the Steps. I remember feeling very accomplished since it had been years since I ever finished what I started. Looking back, I know that I could not have been any more thorough at the time, because I forgot so much. In my case, I am sure my HP allowed certain “using” memories to stay in the shadows of my mind. Thank GOD! For me, this organic movement into recovery worked best and I dealt with what was right in front of me.

Since I have been in the alphabet rooms, I hear other members say they are two years into recovery and still have not done a Fourth step. I think, “Wow, you must really be in pain.” You see, I could have never started to peel back the memories without having the spiritual relief of the Fifth Step. I ponder the reason behind taking so long to step. I wonder if it has anything to do with society that has us search and search for answers. I used to think and think about things until I ended up drunk or high. For this individual, two years would have been torture. Riddle me this: “Is it better to do the steps quickly at first then start over ... Or should we wait and wait for years to be more thorough?”

I have been checking out some new meetings just to change things up a bit. Hence, I have been reminded how many different “personalities” the rooms have. I don’t mean the people, I mean the actual room. In some rooms, members will interrupt you in the middle of a share to educate you on their impression of crosstalk. In other rooms, they have a ding-dong door bell to ring once as a one-minute warning and then twice when three minutes are up. I find that practice crazy annoying. I actually saw a woman who was sharing and crying for her first-ever meeting only to be told by the chair that she needed to “stay on subject.” I was thinking “Are you kidding me? On subject? I could barely say my name when I walked in here.”

As I ponder all the idiosyncrasies of the rooms, I wonder how many people leave and never come back. What a travesty that would be. I know what you are going to say ... “If their HP wants them there, no ding-dong door bell or rude chair will deter them.” This may be true, but on a human level, I think we are too hard on newcomers. Of course, they don’t know what crosstalk is. In fact, many newcomers probably have not truly been “heard” in a very long time. Many walk into the alphabet rooms severely broken—spiritually and physically. The room may be their absolute “last ditch effort.” When they stand before us, they stand with shadows of their families and friends over their shoulders. That one newcomer counts for many sick people.

In my experience, God showed up for me in the “people” of the rooms. I saw glimmers of hope and began to have a morsel of faith little by little. Members listened to my newcomer, nonsensical chatter and nodded their heads. I now know that every moment I was in the room was another moment toward surrender and peace.

So, Riddle Me This ... Does it REALLY matter if a newcomer doesn’t know all the rules? Or is the miracle of their presence in the room enough just for today?

Riddle Me This ... Why do old time members of the “Alphabet Groups”, AA, NA, OA, etc., resist any new technology that compliments face to face meetings?

It seems to me we should “go to any length,” by using our bicycles, scooters, computers, smart phones, Big Books, Little Books, or whatever else is at our disposal to achieve a spiritual experience. Our experience has shown us time and time again that when we surrender and work the Steps, we will have a spiritual transformation that offers us a daily reprieve from our addiction.

I was recently reminded of a woman who was being sponsored by a stark self proclaimed “AA Purist.” She advised this woman to give her children to her estranged husband if they got in the way of her recovery. For example, if she could not make at least 90 meetings in 90 days (even though the woman was three years away from a drink), then she needed to “let go” of her children. As the story progresses, the woman followed the advice of the “sponsor” and gave up her children only to see them every other weekend. This lasted for three months, until she ended up drunk once again. Within a month of that drink she was arrested four times. The last time she was arrested, she took her own life in the jail cell.

That story is obviously the extreme of what can happen when sick people try to help sick people. I feel sure the “sponsor” in the story only meant the best for the suffering lady. In fact, that sort of “tough love” probably worked on her.

As I ponder the scenario above, I can only wonder how much pain the woman was in to give up her children. I wonder if the outcome would have been the same had she had “recovery” at her fingertips. What if she went to an online meeting every other day because they fit into her busy schedule? Would she have given her children away? Or, what if the woman had found other recovered people online who might have “balanced” the advice her sponsor gave her. In these times, I consider myself very lucky to have so many tools for my recovery available with a blink of an eye.

I listen to podcasts and speakers all day long. I peruse the online recovery rooms for opportunities to be of service. I read blog after blog of fellows who share their experiences. I have been accused of “breaking the traditions” for participating in my online recovery groups. I feel like it shouldn’t matter. I am just as anonymous online as I am sitting in a room (which I do often as well). For me, technology offers more of what I love and need...fellowship. What say you?