If I were a gambling man, I’d bet that more people than we realize understand and have also experienced the challenges that come from shaking the stigma of addiction. You know, that moment when one is accused of using when in fact they are still sober.  I unfortunately will still get the occasional person in my world who questions where I’m at in my recovery.  And then I’m suddenly faced with that look; the old-yet-still-somewhat-familiar uncomfortable look of mistrust.

“Looks like you slipped huh?”

I can still feel that sharp piercing pain when I’ve been questioned about my sobriety; especially when it comes from someone close to me who never took advantage of the family component of treatment or engaged in the family recovery process to better understand about addiction.  Addiction is a family disease and I have seen the benefits from others in recovery when their family joined in the recovery.

I have seen people in my world who from my perspective are stuck and seem to struggle to understand that one can be happy and at peace in life without drugs or alcohol.  I think it is hard for some to comprehend that an individual can be full of energy and have an excitement for life without the use of mind-altering substances. But it’s true.  It’s like I learned a new understanding of myself and life without drugs, but those in my world who haven’t embraced learning about addiction/recovery can’t seem to grasp the process.

So what can someone who is faced with this type of situation do to not take it personally? Well I think the first thing we must keep in mind is that our choices and actions put ourselves here in the first place. Remember, we were the ones who created situations that led to feelings of mistrust and disbelief in others in the first place. It’s not something that we need to beat ourselves up about but there is some value in remembering that our past actions were created by us and can still have an impact on how others perceive our actions.

Another thing to keep in mind is that although this may be a judgment placed upon us, it is one that we don’t have to place too much emphasis on. For me, I no longer feel that this is something that needs much attention because I know where I’m at with my recovery. In the past, falling victim to the drama of it all at times made me feel minimized. But today I don’t give my power away because of another person. I feel bless for the opportunity of sobriety.

I also have come to realize that there are some people who may feel threatened by our new way of living life. Oftentimes, those closest to us who walked our journey during addiction learned to become focused on our actions in an attempt to try to help us.  But all that really accomplished is no one looking in the mirror and focusing within. When we focus outside of ourselves we lose huge opportunities to grow and learn about ourselves. I remind myself that I can’t control those who experienced my addiction as a bystander, just as they couldn’t control me stopping the use.   And then I’m reminded that all I can do is look in the mirror at myself and make sure my own side of the street is intact and on the path of healing.  

I can see the growth I’ve experienced in realizing there was a time when I would let something like this send me into a place of feeling empty or worthless. But not today. Today I appreciate all that recovery has taught me and embrace the opportunity to love those in my world who still don’t understand the impact of addiction from the perspective of having walked through an addiction.

As a recovery addict, this is my plea for anyone who might be a family member, loved one, colleague or friend of one with an addiction: I encourage you to learn about addiction and recovery both from the addict’s perspective, as well as the family. Because that which we let affect us, infects us. So it’s important to learn all we can to support healing. There are books, professional support, 12-step meetings, and more to learn about this disease and that is how we will shake the stigma associated with addiction.

I recently received an email from a 19-year-old who is battling an addiction to prescription medication. He reached out to me and others for information on what he can expect if he quits. He isn’t sure about potential withdrawals and has other questions regarding his decision to stop abusing drugs. He is very concerned about how he will face life without the use of narcotics.

This young man contacted me me after reading my book. He expressed how stories of my journey helped him find the confidence to seek advice so he, too, can begin a journey of recovery. He shared in an email how he is preparing to join the Army and has plans for his life. He knows that his prescription drug addiction will not lead him to the road where he can achieve his goals.

I am grateful for the opportunity to connect with him. In doing so, I  reflected on the time when I started this journey of recovery and recalled those people who influenced my path.

During our email exchange he called me his hero and this got me thinking: What is a hero and do I deserve that title?

As defined in Webster’s dictionary, a hero is a person who is admired for courage or noble qualities. While I appreciate the definition, I get uncomfortable, even cringe, when I’m viewed as such by others. This email exchange provided yet another opportunity for growth. As I contemplated on the thought of being a “hero,” I realized I have placed a lot of weight and responsibility in the past on being a hero. Growing up I was surrounded superheroes who were larger than life and faced some unrealistic obstacles, always coming out on top. This gave me the notion that I needed to be larger than life; yet isn’t that what addiction instills on us? That false perception that we can defy all odds? Even the deadly ones?

I realize that today I have a much more humbling view of being a hero. There are heroes all around every day. My view of hero is much more in line with how I believe we should be living each and every day: extending a hand to others in our daily actions any way we can;
doing things like being noble or being that person who is willing to take a stand against something that he or she believes in.

I’d like to think we will someday live in a world where all of us do these heroic things just because they are the right thing to do.

I appreciated the gesture this young man took in reaching out. I love hearing how others are redefining themselves and making healthier choices that include living a life of sobriety. Recovery is an action program and this young man displayed action in reaching out for support. I commend him on his decision to join the Army and to protect and serve our country. That’s a noble and honorable vision.   So is his decision to stop the insanity of addiction so he can achieve his dreams.

I know the journey he is embarking on, joining the faces of recovery, and I wish him well. Life is full of surprises. His email was intended to thank me for my contribution to his journey and in turn I received much more from him. An opportunity to be reminded of my journey and how far I have come. 

I'm thankful for the opportunity to be reminded that to me living a heroic life means that I’m putting one foot in front of the other doing the next right thing while extending a hand to those that I come in contact with. My hope is that he realizes that there is a hero inside of him and the steps he is taking will shape his future.  Someday, I hope he will embrace the realization of his own greatness and see that his life has meaning and purpose; that we each are heroes within.

Did you ever notice that some things you focus on have the ability to make you feel sad? Lonely? Less than? Have you also noticed when your focus is shifted to something associated with a sense of peace and happiness, that you have more enthusiasm or drive?

Let’s say you and someone you care deeply about are having a heated exchange because of differing opinions; a fancy way of saying an argument. What are you focusing on during the exchange? Probably winning the argument, right? Or making a point? You're so busy concentrating on winning that you forget, at least in that moment, about all the things that make that person special in your world. Have you ever been in this type of situation?

When we are so focused on something specific, we tend to delete  other information, some of which may be useful and pertinent. How many times have you said something you regretted in the heat of the moment?

The reality is that we do have the power to change our focus at any given moment, don’t we? It all comes down to what lens we look through.

Let’s consider, these options that could occur at a social gathering:  

1. If you spend much of the night focused on watching just a few people sitting at your table and seeming to be bored, then your experience may be that the gathering is boring.

2. If you focus on the people dancing and laughing, you might say that everybody danced all night and the party was fun.

3. If you focus on a couple having an argument, you might say the party was tense and uncomfortable.

Your focus helps create your experience. While each of the above scenarios could’ve occurred at one gathering, by limiting your focus you missed out on something significant. My world changed when I made the connection between what I feel and what I focus on. The chatter in my head has significant control over my experiences.

Did you ever wonder what drives your focus? Is there a theme to things you focus on? Do you find you spend more time focusing on things that are happy and joyful, or sad and unsettling?

If you have a tendency to focus on negative experiences, you’re going to have a more negative outlook on life. If you tend to focus on the positive sides of your experiences, you will be more apt to embrace life with gratitude and joy and to realize that there are gifts in all things.

“Why does this always happen to me?” “How come I can never do this?”“Why does everything I do go wrong?": These sorts of questions reinforce negative feelings and that’s how we disempower ourselves.

To change this, ask questions like, “What can I learn from this situation?” and "What were the good things that came from this experience?” Such curious questions are empowering.

By being aware of this dynamic and stripping away negativity, you will feel more inspired, positive and create newer and better opportunities. When I discovered this, I immediately saw the potential to create more happiness for myself regardless of my experiences. Suddenly I started to notice things I hadn’t noticed before. My world changed from grey to lots of colors.

If you’re feeling uncomfortable in your world, assess the lens you are looking through. And if you need to change it, do so: You’ll be so glad you did!     

As I sat down to write this blog, I reflected on the message I wanted to share.  My hope is that my words stir up a certain amount of inquiry and passion so that we can come together finding ways to positively impact the world in which we live in and especially to bring hope to our young people.

Admittedly I have become rather frustrated lately with this sense that we should be doing more to better the culture and world for today’s youth.  I reach out for support via emails, phone calls and through social media with many requests going unanswered. And I wonder why others don’t get this sense of urgency that I feel. Maybe people do sense the conflicted energy around us, yet they are just so overwhelmed in their own day-to-day experiences that doing anything else is too much. 

Have we become a culture that struggles to realize that we’re living in a society of disconnection and that extending a hand to another sometimes seems more like a chore than a responsibility? I’m looking to build a team of people who want to collectively take a stand against destructive behaviors, especially with teens, and decrease these senseless tragedies that we continue waking up to in the news.

This past week I read a story online about another teen suicide that occurred recently.  This young girl posted a video on the internet about being bullied and picked on by her peers.  Her difficulty to move beyond this led to her taking her own life. Senseless!

The question I ask is how many more lives do we need to lose before we realize our teens are in crisis? What will it take for us to realize that we have been given the gift of responsibility to make a difference in this world, whether through our work, our words or our actions?  In my travels and discussions with teens, I hear the same things from coast to coast : alcohol, drugs, bullying, thoughts that life isn’t worth living; did I mention prescription pills that are in our schools, cutting, and more reckless behavior?

 I had a conversation with a teacher the other day, who shared that she did not see many teens struggling in her high school.  But I’m here to tell you that I hear it from teens across the country.  And they are communicating that they want to be inspired; that they want hope for their future; that a lot of adults are just not listening!  It’s time to wake up people!  Our youth NEED us to wake up!

My challenge is for all of us to come together and find ways to contribute in a positive manner to the lives of our future leaders. By doing this, we will find ourselves in a world where hope isn’t just a word to cling onto in times of struggle but is an action that inspires people daily to be their best. 

I’d love for you to join the ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR STAR mission and help us spread the word. Or if you are doing your own thing, please share with me what you are doing. Or if you are doing something and we can collaborate, reach out to me.  Together let’s spread some positive energy so this world is a brighter place to live!

Recovery goes much deeper than just stopping the use of drugs and alcohol. Recovery is becoming aware of our dysfunctional traits and thinking and doing the work to change and heal. This will then allow us to be our best self; the most genuine person with the highest and purest of intentions. That’s the mark of striving for and then capturing what recovery really is.  

I have spoken to many individuals who believe that the act of stopping the drinking and drug abuse is enough of an effort to claim the title of recovery. This isn’t the case. How many times have you met someone with who thinks like this, only to leave his or her company with a sense that something isn’t right? Perhaps the person's energy seems negative or the tone feels a bit abrasive.

Typically, people who just stop the alcohol or drug use and do not delve deeper into the process of recovery are referred to as “Dry Drunks.” When someone approaches getting sober as more than putting down that drink and embraces this as an opportunity to look at and then work on character defects, then recovery can be sustained and overall an easier task to accomplish.

When I was in rehab, I was told that addiction was tied to much more than my abuse of drugs; that underneath my need to quiet my mind with substances was a psychology that needed some work. Once I understood this and then was provided the tools to see where my stinkin’ thinkin’ at times was inappropriate, I was able to tackle the pursuit of recovery head on.

For me, finding recovery has been a beautiful thing and a wonderful experience to better understand who I am. I have learned the value in vulnerability and the bliss that comes from being honest. These traits aren’t something that once you have them, then all your work is done. It’s quite the contrary. The more you dig down into your work, the more you may find that there is a lot of additional work that needs to be applied to maintain a healthy lifestyle and a happy self.   

The real deal of recovery is a lot of work at times, dropping off that pretentious and fictitious front-end that you might think the world expects from you. When you finally find, develop and then show the word what the real you is made, it's such a reward. The payoff far exceeds the challenges of the work needing to be done.

I am blessed to have found and approached my own recovery this way. Having the opportunity to be as real and genuine as they come has had such an impact on me and the people with whom I come in contact.

Recovery is awesome if you are willing to do the work to maintain it. Not only do you get to put that drink down, but you get to pick up a chance to be the person that your Higher Power had always wanted you to be. That’s a beautiful thing!

Early recovery can be a particularly fragile time for most people. Whether you're entering recovery for the first time, or you have been around the block block before, emotions and experiences will accompany early recovery and they will not always be pleasant. People who understand addiction know that using is largely about avoiding the unpleasant.

So much of day-to-day life in early recovery is radically different than it is while in active addiction. Depending on your life circumstances, there can be many stressors associated with doing what needs to be done to build that foundation of recovery from addiction. In some respects it can seem overwhelming for the person entering recovery, as well as for the family and loved ones. The key is to place recovery first, realizing that if you don’t have your sobriety life will most definitely present even bigger obstacles.

This is an important time to be as focused and as vigilant as you can on the the things going on around you. From your work life to your personal time, every moment is delicate in the sense that there might be opportunities for the back door of your mind to creep open, letting your addictive monster peek through and try to regain a sense of control.

Recovery is like building a new house. You gather tools and resources and develop a plan with the support of others with relative expertise in order to start (re)building the life you truly want to live. I’d like to share some things I’ve learned along the way to help me
strengthen my foundation in recovery from substance use disorder.

1. Be careful of down time. “Idle hands are the devils workshop”: When I first heard this, I didn’t understand what it meant. It wasn’t until I found myself with nothing to do during the early days of my recovery that I finally started to get it. During my active addiction, so much time was spent on all things related to getting my next fix and I never realized just how much time that consumed in my life. So of course, when I entered recovery I found myself with lots of spare time. I found it important to stay busy doing things that brought me a sense of purpose, in addition to attending to those things that supported my recovery. Keeping a daily schedule allowed me to decrease chances for down time, which would potentially find me in a place where unhealthy thoughts would appear. This allowed me to acquire more and more days sober.

2. Stay away from toxic people. Sometimes the people closest to us can be those toxic people, bringing negative energy into our recovery. I have coined a term for toxic people in my world as “Dream Crushers.” They are the people who will try to cast their pessimistic spell upon me. Sometimes they can be challenging to avoid ,especially when you are in early recovery as there may be relationships you can’t separate from immediately. It’s best to utilize your sober support network to build your armor of protection from the negative energy. This helped me to “tune out" the noise of my toxic people.

3. Confidence with humility. It’s not uncommon to struggle, especially in early recovery. However, I found that as I accumulated more days sober, I gained more hope that I could do this thing. As your confidence builds, maintain a daily inventory to stay in check
with yourself and to make sure arrogance isn’t being masked as confidence. I have seen so many people step in the world of recovery, get some time clean and suddenly think they have all the answers. A few months later I no longer see them at meetings, or I stop hearing from them completely. I cannot tell you how many times I have witnessed this scenario. Someone thinks that just because they finally figured out a way to scrape together some clean time, they now feel as if everything is OK. There isn’t one of us who has the answers to everything and there is not one person better than any other.

There are so many more things that I’ve learned along the way but these are a few of the things that came to mind as I sat down to write. Recovery is about progress not perfection. After five years sober, I still find myself at times with questions like, “Hey, am I
doing this whole recovery thing right?” It’s those times that I look at where I’m at in the moment and realize I’m still sober so, “Yup, I’m doing something right.”

Be gentle with yourself, utilize your supports and remember -- going to bed sober tonight means you will wake up sober for another day.

Often times I am asked just how much information one should share when it comes to recovery. During the course of my work, I find myself being very open. But some individuals, for the sake of their own personal or professional lives, have to be careful of just how much information pertaining to their recovery they share.

Stigma about substance abuse disorders is to blame for this dynamic. That's why we all need to continue our efforts to change the way people view someone with an addiction. Yet, we still have to consider this.

For me professionally, the act of sharing pieces of my past concerning my active addiction has been valuable. There are times when it has helped others in professional and personal situations to better understand addiction and recovery. Other times, teens who I’ve spoken with have been able to grasp a positive message through my story. This offered them an opportunity to take my story and gain a better perspective of where they are at in their life and where they could be headed. For others, the openness has offered hope that recovery can be a reality if one takes the steps to do the work.

I have gained an appreciation for sharing parts of my journey even when it’s, at times, uncomfortable. The deeper I dig the more I see the opportunities in being truthful and forthright, which are two words that were not used to describe me during active addiction. Honesty is the key for a successful recovery.

I realize, however, that each person’s circumstances are different. My work involves sharing my history. Others choose to not be so open, sharing only bits and pieces of their past or nothing at all because, unfortunately, it may be held against them. Despite it being illegal for someone to be fired for past addiction, this act of discrimination still exists. It’s an action of human injustice and ignorance. Therefore, for some people, sharing publicly has an element of consequence and should be approached with caution.

The same goes for individuals on a personal level. The stigma that addiction carries is so often times applied unfairly to us in all sorts of scenarios in our personal life, including our relationships with others. All it takes is for someone to apply their perception of the dialogue to their own meaning and if it’s negative in nature enough, then chances are the relationship could be impacted (and not for the better either). I have had my share of people reacting to hearing I’m in recovery from addiction. But now I know that it’s their issue, not mine.

So in sharing information about our past with others, professionally or personally, there are things to consider. Each situation and scenario is different. Take some time to assess your situation and identify benefits and potential consequences. Then you decide which parts of your story to share.

It’s important to realize that we cannot control how another reacts to us, so there are no guarantees. Making informed decisions about sharing our history is important.

When I entered my first treatment attempt at recovery, I had no idea what to expect. I had been using drugs for 15 years and that lifestyle was what I had become accustomed to. Following “rules,” listening to others, living with structure had all been something I wasn’t very open to do. As you can imagine, walking into that first treatment center and being told what my day would look like was a bit of a culture shock.

Since, I have learned what works for me in maintaining my recovery. Some of the lessons have been through trial and error, while others have been by doing something different that was suggested by professionals and others who have walked the path I have walked. 

It’s important to take a personal inventory of what is important for our own recovery program. While there are similarities, there are also individual differences. One thing I have found was that it was important for me not to make those decisions by myself, especially in early recovery. I talked with my sponsor and others to determine what a solid recovery program would be for me.

One of the things I found valuable in treatment was group sharing. I learned that talking about my experiences brought me to become vulnerable with others in a safe environment, which was something I wasn’t used to doing. Sharing this vulnerability with others allowed me a sense of connection to others; a sense of connection I had never experienced before. Through opening up and sharing my deepest fears and brightest hopes, I came to realize that I did not have to struggle with life alone. Building connections with others helped me develop self-worth and value; and that led to increased confidence. These are things that I lost during my addiction.

I saw in treatment and 12-step meetings that others did care about me and they understand. They also knew what to look for and shared their insight with me, so I could become more aware in order to not be a barrier to my own recovery process. Many of us, when in recovery, come into treatment with only a couple people left in our world that we feel still care about our well-being. Well, truthfully, there are probably a lot who care, but most have turned away to remove themselves from the unhealthy energy tied to addiction. I had burned so many bridges before I finally sought treatment and this just made loss feel immeasurable.

Another thing that I realized through recovery was the lesson of structure. Having to adhere to a strict schedule in treatment wasn’t easy to get used to at first. I had been used to waking up and being very lax concerning anything that pertained to time, with the exception of finding my next hit. Being on a schedule for daily tasks helped me immensely from letting my mind wander toward anything destructive. Finding structure within my day has become a necessity and I credit my stay in treatment with teaching me the value of structure.

Along with that structure was the importance of daily exercise. Exercise has been significant component for maintaining my recovery. I found that exercise was a tool to keep myself in balance emotionally and I became stronger and more physically fit through regular exercise. All of this contributed to strengthening my confidence.

So whatever you’d like to change in your life, whether your own recovery from substance use disorder or to get in better health physically, educate yourself on what resources are available. Seek people who know about what you want to achieve, whether professionally or through their own personal experiences. Take steps each day toward your goal and if you slip up, get back up and move forward. And most importantly do it for YOU!

Recently as I was going through some files on my laptop and found additional journal entries that I had written but not included in my book, "The First 30 Days to Serenity: The Essential Guide to Staying Sober."

Finding those writings was an opportunity for some self-reflection on that time in my life and my journey since entering recovery.

This piece below from my last day of use almost five years ago is an account of the thoughts and feelings I experienced enduring yet another bout of withdrawal from drugs.

"Today is day one of my detox from crack cocaine. I had been sober for nearly 60 days but recently I've relapsed. I can't believe I am here again because I have been through these withdrawals so many times I can't even recall. I am up, then down. My mind is on an emotional roller coaster and at times I am so desperate I'm not sure if I can make it through the next 60 seconds. Not only is the physical pain unbearable, my mind is playing tricks on me and I feel as though life for me is over, as if the worst thing in the world is happening to me and the only power I have over it is to sit back and watch this horror movie of a life unfold. I am powerless over my mind, I cannot think rationally or worse off see the bigger picture which is to come eventually. In about three more days, relief will present itself and I will be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. As of right now, I am in the midst of this cruel tunnel, searching long and hard for that light; waiting in the darkness which has become so cruel."

As I sat down and read this specific journal entry, I vividly recalled the sequence of intense emotions, dark thoughts and physical pains I experienced on that day. Awful can’t even begin to describe that experience. The days and nights were not my friend at that time in my life and I can still tap into the hopelessness that I felt then.

I wonder if I had known that there would be withdrawals from using drugs and the extent of what withdrawal from crack cocaine would feel like, if I would have picked up in the first place? If someone told me that some moments the process of moving from active addiction into recovery would be so challenging, where I’d be gripping for my life sometimes what seemed like second by second, would I have turned to drugs?

I don’t know the answer to these questions and maybe it’s pointless to even reflect. However, I do know that if spreading the message about the dangers of drugs and being a beacon of light for others to make healthier choices in their life spares one person from experiencing a day like I had that day, then it’s worth it to keep sharing my story and the pain I caused myself, my family and my friends.

Of course I wish I never picked up in the first place and had been spared from that near-fatal train wreck called “my addiction.” But I wasn’t. Eventually for me, using didn’t become a choice. Once in active addiction, the only choice for me was to sustain my use because I didn’t know how to live life sober. But then came the day when I finally decided to take that step, reach out to others and learn how to live life on life’s terms, sober.

I am blessed that every day I wake up sober; move one day further away from my addiction to drugs and that horrific time in my life. I don’t think about that time much anymore and am grateful that the cravings are a thing of the past. I am one of many people who have lived to tell the tale of how drugs and alcohol abuse can wreak havoc upon one’s life. I am blessed to have this chance to educate others about addiction, recovery and the role that personal responsibility plays.

We have choices each day and only we can make those choices for ourselves. Today, I choose to say“yes” to a life of sobriety and to help others see that there is hope even in the midst of all the darkness that accompanies the path of addiction.

When I got sober, I realized I had a lot of time to fill with other, more productive activities than obtaining and using drugs. So I sat down and compiled a list of things I used to like to do and included things I have never done but wanted to do.

At first it wasn’t easy to make this list, because focusing on what I like to do, things that are constructive, had become foreign to me. I kept at it, though.

I grew up loving rock ‘n’ roll, especially anything KISS! So as you can imagine, on that list was the task to write and record a song with some of my music heroes. Mind you, I had never written a song and was a little rusty on the drums, which meant this would be a great learning experience for me.

Some said it was a bit of a lofty goal and maybe it was. I didn’t want to limit my ideas, though. I was finding that the more I tapped into my creativity, the more alive I felt and the more passion I had for living. That was a real plus for staying sober.

I decided that I would write lyrics about my experience with addiction and also about insights I was gaining in recovery. This became a great tool for further exploring my addiction and gaining a deeper understanding about this beast of a disease. Through this process, I also found greater healing power.

Two years later, my goal of writing one song turned into writing and recording nine original songs on my CD, “Serenity,” featuring guest musicians from KISS (yes, my rock ‘n roll heroes). Other featured artists came from Heart, Dokken, Goo Goo Dolls, Trans-Siberian Orchestra and more.

The journey of going within to capture in lyrics and music what addiction and recovery means to me has been a priceless experience.

Here is a verse from the song, “Abuse Me.”:

I see your darkness, I know your pain

Wastelands of broken dreams and my scattered remains

I do what you tell me, I do what you need

My soul is blackened, for you I bleed.

My addiction left me feeling shackled to the core, unable to break free from its almost deadly embrace. Addiction knew my pain; maybe in some way relished in my pain. It was such a dark place to live, becoming a victim to this disease.

I’m grateful I have since been able to see its true face and realize that there are tools and resources to free me from its grip. I just had to take those most difficult first steps: believing I was worth it, reaching out to others, and then taking those steps that worked for so many others others.

Another song Serenity has special meaning for me and here are some of those lyrics:

There was a time not very long ago

I didn’t know who I was meant to be

Nothing but despair, I was on my own

Nothing in this life seemed right for you or me

I never knew it could be this way

I never thought we could have it this way

But that changed when I learned to let go

When I learned to be with you, instead of all alone

Letting go of my vices and learning to be with and accept all of me – the parts of me I love and the parts that make me still a work in progress – continues to be a path to freedom for me. I never really knew what serenity meant until I got sober. For without sobriety I will not have serenity.

Affirmations are positive statements that describe a desired situation. I began using affirmations months ago after looking at how I was using my own internal language in a way that wasn’t always supportive. Most of us have taken on over our lives, negative chatter that we sometimes believe to be true and this is disempowering and consequently, creates undesirable situations and negative reactions. Words and statements work both ways - to build or to destroy. It is the way we use language that determines whether our language supports bringing positive or negative energy into our world. Becoming more aware of our own self-talk whether negative or positive and learning to redirect our internal dialogue in an empowering manner is a great tool for achieving success, and ultimately for improving the quality of your life. Here is an affirmation I have created that I’d like to share with you:

Motivational Dream Catching Affirmation by Super Star

I have been given the gift of life, the gift of another day. How can I live today to the fullest?

I realize that life is precious. I do not take today for granted. I move through this day with a purposeful determination to dream catch – to live with purpose – seeking that path that has been laid before me … just for me. I feel through every core of my being the energy I desire to release throughout this day.

My intention is to move through this day dream catching as I purposefully look deep toward the clouds feeling their soft satin embrace, allowing their energy to guide me to my higher self, my higher purpose, leading me with pure thoughts and unconditional love towards all things. How will I continue to stay in this place of wonder? What tools will I need to remain focused on my personal intention to be a dream catcher?

I embrace the majesty of life and extend my heart to all I come into contact with today. I leave a positive imprint on those who I come into contact with. I am present with myself; therefore I can be present with others today. I handle the pursuit of my dream because I was born a dream warrior, born to fulfill my destiny. I see resources at every turn and use the tools and the knowledge that is before me to accomplish what I set out to do.

Today I am aware, acutely aware of the endless possibilities I find within those things that once were just obstacles. I welcome the opportunity to problem-solve today. Where will I look today to discover and learn something new?

Today is my day; a day that is about realizing dreams; my dreams and the dreams of others. The journey of dream catching is deep within me; calling me to take action to move towards my dream; to live with purpose. I can feel it. I welcome the commitment to never give up on any task at hand no matter how challenging it may feel today.

How can I share this feeling with others?

I feel the sensation of silver and gold sparkles stirring placing a protective cover around me as I breathe in and out. Breath is the source of life. I take a deep breath in; I let that breath out. The revelations of my connection to my source strengthen.

I breathe (deeply) and (as I exhale) releasing all that I no longer need.

I focus on my breathing … in and out … in and out … allowing my breath to generate love and compassion. I feel clean, refueled, revived.

Today starts now and my journey is a safe one because of the responsible actions that I choose to take.

Here I go, I am embracing this day, holding it tightly yet lose enough to make sure there is enough wiggle room for anything unexpected, which I also welcome. I am ready, I am ready. My day of dream catching begins now.

Recently, I had a conversation with someone on the subject of anger, which led me to think about how we each respond differently to the emotion.

I have to admit, the conversation provided some lively discussion and reflection on this topic that some want to avoid. During this conversation, the individual who I was speaking with became curious about my own personal views on anger and wanted to know how I have become less reactive to things that I would once find extremely irritating. The discussion was full of opportunities to reflect on each of our own experiences in regards to anger and how we respond to it.

I am certain we both left the conversation even more curious about our thoughts on anger and how we choose to deal with it.

Anger is considered a “secondary emotion”— an emotion that one goes to after being tapped by specific uncomfortable feelings. Reacting to anger, for some, can be a familiar place to live while for foreign to others.

Each person responds to anger differently. Another person I spoke with on this topic shared they used to think they never got angry, but after doing their work, they realized that their anger played out through being depressed. In their family, anger was not an acceptable emotion to express so they suppressed their feelings which left unleashed emotions that morphed into depression. Anger for me today tends to show through frustration more than outright anger; although that always wasn’t the case.

Early in my recovery I began to take a look at the things that I felt were bothersome, annoying, and even maddening to me. I knew I had to look at the situations around me where I felt angst or even the slightest bit irritable. This was important because in my past I would use these uncomfortable feelings as an excuse to use.

Since I was willing to do anything to stop my use of drugs and alcohol, I had to be willing to dig deep and examine all things that would raise my temper. While doing this work, I noticed a common theme in my world which was that all the things that I would get angry over had a certain level of expectation tied to them. When something didn’t go my way or a situation or person did not respond the way I expected them to, boy sometimes I would just want to blow my top – and sometimes I did! But not anymore and I promise you that we can all be grateful for that.

When we have expectations, we have placed our own desired outcome that something will happen or someone will respond a certain way to us. Expecting a desired outcome, especially when it involves another person, is a set-up for failure for all involved.

Once I realized the cause of my blood boiling was unrealistic standards I created for myself, I made the change to become more aware of when I had expectations. I began to focus more and more on allowing others to choose their responses/actions and to go with the flow not placing an expectation on the outcome. Doing this has brought much more peace into my world.

I find myself not reacting inappropriately to anger and that’s very liberating to be able to move freely in a world without reacting and letting anger control my actions. Ironically, it also leaves more room for other emotions to be experienced and other joys to conceive.

How do you respond to anger? How was anger expressed in your family growing up? Do you respond differently depending on the person? If so, do you “expect” more from the person you have a greater reaction to?

These are just a couple of questions to consider when looking at the relationship anger has in your world.

“Friend” can have a lot of interpretations depending on who is using it.

For me, a friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you. I have a few close friends; some who I have more frequent contact with and others who I don’t talk to that often. Yet no matter what, when it comes to my friends, I can pick up the phone and talk to them as if no time has passed and still feel the strong connection we share. It seems that those that I have allowed in my inner circle have one thing in common. They have all been consistent with their unconditional love toward me.

I am grateful to have many friends. A few of them have been lifelong friends and some of my newer friends are quickly becoming staples in my day-to-day communication and life experiences. I lean on all of them at some point, for a sense of connection and a source of help. Friends are truly one of life’s most magnificent gifts.

Recently, I have been through some challenging times and there have been a few friends in particular that have helped me keep my head above water. I am not sure what course I would have taken if it weren’t for their constant willingness to lend a hand as I make my way through some new unchartered territory. New horizons that I am choosing to travel that if it weren’t for their guidance, I might not have found the strength to forge the new path in which I am paving.

I find myself constantly embracing acquaintances, new potential friendships. The older I get it seems the more I am willing to take a chance on allowing others into my world. And because of this I have flourished both in my personal and professional endeavors. But it wasn’t always that way.

During my active addiction—when I was pushing away all my good friends in an effort to hide my use—I picked up some unhealthy relationships along the way; many unhealthy connections that only contributed to my world becoming completely toxic. I was surrounded by negative energy regularly. I battled negative and abusive thoughts on a daily basis and many times those unhealthy thoughts led to destructive actions. All of this became my “new normal.”

Hanging out with a negative crowd of individuals, who themselves were misguided, brought me much angst. I found myself getting deeper and deeper into my addiction which only led me to more trouble – more problems. Thankfully I became aware of this roller coaster ride into hell and saw that I had to make changes that included people, places and things and especially erase my rolodex of troubled partners and start accumulating new acquaintances. I knew once I did that then my world would change and the battle against my addiction would become easier.

Believe it or not, there is actually some truth to the statement “those who you hang out with you become.” It was important for me to establish new and healthy friendships. So how did I make sure that my new friends would be ones that were a support to my well-being?

Below are 5 guidelines that I use when evaluating a potential comrade. It may seem strange that I have rules when considering a newfound relationship but I found that it is necessary and protects me against any negative energy that could have the potential to introduce havoc into my sound world.

1. Do we have similar interests?I choose friends who are adventurous, have a similar sense of humor and can give me some food for thought. I often choose friends who are supportive and kind. I hope to give these attributes back to my friends and extend to them other qualities as well. What attributes would you like to share in your friendship?

2. Are your friends empowering you?Wow, this one is an important factor for me. I am absolutely more willing to allow a friendship to develop if they are generally upbeat and positive. I find that conversations with these types of individuals are much more rewarding. I am always willing to lend a positive hand to any one of my friends but won’t allow myself to remain in a world of negativity.

3. What can I give to a friend? One thing that comes up for me is my availability to connect with friends. My schedule can be very demanding at times making it difficult to get in touch with me or at the least to get a lot of my time. And my friends know that and accept that about me. It’s important in friendships to not personalize another’s actions and to realize what each can realistically give.

4. Could there be a possible unhealthy motive for this person to want to become my friend?Unfortunately, I find that some people want to come into my world hoping that my professional relationships or my assets can be of value to their own goals. So I stay in tune to what my intuition tells me about a person and often let that guide my decision as to how far I allow them in.

5. Finally, how are they toward others?I have been in a couple relationships where the person who was a kind friend when they were in front of me wasn’t always so kind to others. So I have had to re-evaluate some of my relationships and distance myself from individuals who aren’t generally coming from a place of love with those around them.

So today, embrace your friends. Let them know you appreciate them. And if you struggle to let others in, my challenge to you is to consider opening up and allowing new friends to enter your world. After I started to really pay close attention to the significance of healthy relationships and began surrounding myself with more healthy friends was when I realized for the first time in my life that I am truly not alone in this world.

In closing, to any of my friends who might be reading this,I love you and am so grateful for what we share.

Last year, I had the pleasure of meeting some students following a presentation at Goodland High School in Kansas. A few days following my presentation, a student wrote this message on the RSSS Facebook page:

“The three C's of life. Choices, Chances, Changes. You must make a Choice and then take a Chance or your life will never Change!”

My first thought was this is brilliant! I love how students share their inspiration and insights following a presentation through social media outlets like Facebook and Twitter. Whether they know it or not, they are supporting and lending credibility to my message indirectly through this type of online feedback. But bigger than that, by sharing their thoughts, teens who some adults believe should just “be quiet and listen to the wisdom of adults” are actually participating in a domino effect influencing change; a teen-driven movement leading to positive change!

From my perspective, that’s awe-inspiring especially from the mouth of young people!

As I was thinking about what to write for this blog, I came across the above quote. This teen is right on. If we always are doing the same things then we will always have the same things in life. This is especially relevant to me currently. For the last few years I have structured my work in such a way that it cannot move forward unless I am willing to make some positive and sometimes drastic changes.

For instance, having the courage to bring on additional staff or reprioritize my current list of daily to do’s. I have seen how I have tomake a choice and take a chance to bring about changeand especially when it’s something that is met with fear or uncomfortable feelings. The alternative if I don’t change, I will feel stuck in my professional life and the thought of that isn’t something that makes me feel very comfortable. As difficult as it is sometimes to face the fear of change, the thought of getting stuck would be more painful to bear. So today I do what is necessary and make those changes.

It’s true what they say aboutinsanity—it’s doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I can recall the feelings I had the day I realized using drugs was going to keep me in a vicious cycle of never feeling complete. During those early days in recovery, I struggled to face any new action. Something as simple as going to the fridge to pour a glass of milk seemed like it would be too much effort. Each thought that moved through my head felt as if the words were weighted leaving me feeling that each action I needed to take to remain in recovery would be too hard to obtain.

I did because I had to if I wanted the change to live a life sober. It was life or death for me. I knew I had to make changes and in doing so, with constant action, the muscle I developed became stronger and stronger. After a while, getting up to go to the fridge for that glass of milk became something of ease. And those weighted thoughts became lighter.

The opportunity teens possess to inspire change through sharing their wisdom online offers one a chance to look at the dangers of substance abuse or other destructive behaviors. It can even bring out support and the opportunity to see how to move through a challenging life experience. This communication potentially creates an everlasting and positive impact on those who take a moment and reflect upon these social media posts. Instead of Reality TV, this is the “reality” message I’m supporting today!

But what about this student who wrote this message? Did she make changes after seeing my presentation and posting her comment? I sincerely hope so. And if she didn’t, did someone else besides me read her post and decide that now was the time for change in their life? I may never know but one thing is for certain, her post didn’t go unnoticed.

So is there anything in your life that you would like to change? Are you ready to make the choice and take the chance in order to realize that change? If you answer yes and start taking steps toward taking a chance, I can guarantee you, at the very least, you will experience a different outcome than what you have become used to. So I encourage you, make the choice to take a change and embrace the change! Let’s show this young woman the power that is truly in her words!

Did you ever notice how easy it is to become sad about something? For me it doesn’t take much work to get upset over something. In fact, the more I dig deeper into the psychology of what makes people act a certain way during times of stress the more I am beginning to see how during most times the sadness or despair isn’t necessary and actually can be disempowering.

My clarity and awareness to my thinking becomes stronger with each passing day sober. I am now able to see when the stories in my mind aren’t the healthiest ones. In fact I have become so acutely aware of my emotions that I can immediately decipher where they are coming from. Having this ability has opened up a whole new word of empowerment and possibilities.

My life coaching sessions give me an opportunity to help others see that our emotions are something that we go to. They don’t come to us, we run to them. Sometimes we choose empowering ones and sometimes we choose those that can limit us. For example; recently I was talking with someone who was very sad over her weight. She had told me that every time she looks in the mirror she gets depressed. Moreover this has been a pattern for her for years. So much so that she has allowed it to get in the way of her even making an attempt to lose the excess weight. But why does she do this? Why does she run to an emotion of sadness and then allow it to run her life in this way?

The reason is because her sadness, in this particular case, is a crutch. For her it is safer to look into the mirror and feel depressed than it is for her to face and take on the challenge of losing her weight. She dreads the thought of going to the gym and dislikes the thought of eating healthier food for fear that she will no longer find comfort in one of the few things that she knows will always bring her pleasure. Stories like this are very common for individuals and it’s these very unrealistic stories that that are the ones that hold us back from accomplishment in particular areas in our lives.

There is a particular recipe that this person uses to conjure up her feelings of sadness. She’s not unique in this sense. We all have our own recipes that allow us to get to that place of feeling any type of emotion. Each recipe has different ingredients. On the surface this may sound like hogwash, but it’s true.

When I get sad or depressed it is because I have first attached a somewhat gloomy meaning on something. In itself this act is done by means of recipe or chain reaction of occurrences isn’t it? This then of course kicks off a series of linear gloomy thoughts and before you know it, the sob story and depressed feeling is in full swing. It’s not just my thoughts though that has their place in my recipe book for emotions; my physiology plays a part in it as well. A great example would be to close your eyes and imagine a sad and somber person standing in front of you. What do they look like? If you’re like 99 percent of us, you would probably say that their shoulders are slouched, the muscles in their face are slack and/or they may look tired, etc. The body and the mind play a part in our recipes for our various types of emotions.

For example, the other day I realized I was feeling sad. As I sat quietly with no one else around, I started to focus on my non-verbal physical actions. I became aware that I was not smiling; I had my arms crossed and my body felt closed and constricted. Language, both internal and external plays a part in our recipes for emotions as well. During this time, I was aware also of the "chatter" in my mind that was spewing negative phrases that I resort to when I'm heading down that slippery slope into the swamp of uncomfortable emotions.

As I continued to pay attention to what I was feeling emotionally and experiencing physically, I was mindful of my breathing, which was shallow. So I closed my eyes and began to just focus on my breathing, taking slow and deep inhalations through my nose, holding my breath for a count of 8-10 and then exhaling slowly. I repeated this until I lost count at 10 breaths which is when I lost awareness of my breathing and went to a place I call "my zone"; a place of peace, relaxation and serenity. When I came back to being aware of my surroundings about 15 minutes had passed! I noticed my body felt more open and alive, the situation I was hanging on to that brought about the emotions of sadness was not easy to recall and I felt at peace. For much of the remainder of the day I would periodically check in with myself, assessing my breathing and body language. I noticed I was able to move beyond the incident that stirred up the emotional space within that was disempowering for me. This is something that I have been able to do over time with practice; sometimes it's easier than others for me, but isn't life really progress not perfection anyway?

Illustrations courtesy of atsoram.

So what are your recipes for your emotions? What type of things do you notice you do when you get excited or happy? What type of things do you say to yourself or do when you’re feeling sad or angry? For the not so great emotions like sadness and or frustration and anger, my guess is that if you really took a moment and wrote down what you’re seeing as the patterns that take you to these places, you can then discover the moments of when you can shift your physiology and be left with more empowering thoughts and emotions. This alone can open up the doors to some new empowering actions you can take to make some positive changes in your life.

January 1, 2013, is only days away which means we are about to embark on the start of yet another year. Are you ready? I sure am!

One of the gifts of being alive and ready to ring in a new year means we are able to make 2013 a year to remember—a year where we realize some of those goals that we have placed in our back pocket or a year where we continue moving toward those dreams we have envisioned for ourselves or even a year where we live more from the place of putting our best self forward in all our affairs. Regardless of where we are at today in our life we have the ability to keep those traits we appreciate about ourselves alive by the choices we make and we also have the opportunity to change those things that we would like to improve upon in our life.

I used to think New Year’s resolutions meant that I wasn’t living my life right and that just created more shame for me – which I already had enough of. But then someone told me that life is about progress, not perfection. And once I realized that there is no such thing as “perfect” and that life is a progression of growth from our experiences, it afforded me a chance to look at life through a different lens than I had been viewing life through. Changing my lens of life also gave me the gift of being able to forgive myself for those choices that did not serve me well and this then gave me the ability to move forward with an open heart.

From that place, I began to envision things I wanted to experience in life like recording a CD and writing a book and most importantly living my life sober. I learned that we have the resources we need inside of us or around us to achieve that which we set out to do. It’s about changing our focus or lens and being open to those doors that will guide us to our next experience in life.

You see, my whole world changed when I made the connection about the impact of what we focus on and the subsequent path our life takes. I realized that what we focus on expands. So if I’m focused on solutions or opportunities it changes my view on those things I used to refer to as problems. By realizing this and living life from this perspective, I feel more inspired, positive and able to create newer and better opportunities than ever before.

One tool that works for me is writing, so year-end is a time to journal about those reflections of what the past year has brought to me as well as to explore more deeply where my heart is being guided for the New Year. What helps you get connect with your deeper self? Journaling? Meditating? Reading? Conversing with others? Or something else?  

Take some time for yourself this holiday season to reflect on the past year and let your heart guide you into a New Year – into new opportunities and new experiences.

As Harold Whitman said: “Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who come alive.”

Here’s to hoping that 2013 finds you spending time doing those things that make you come alive because there is nothing greater than doing something you know you were born to do!

Yet at the foundation of my future choices will be living by my motto:Always love, always encourage and NEVER let despair get in the way.

There is only forward momentum in breaking through layers of things that hold us back. As I find myself seeking the strength within to move beyond yet another layer of old tapes, I also find myself looking forward to moving into a new world of thought. I’m drawing upon all of my resources so I can go to where I have never been. And no, this isn’t an episode of Star Trek but it is real life and I am most certainly going forward to those unchartered territories within.

Seeking what I need to cross into a new word of thought in order to move forward to do the work I’m inspired to do sometimes seem challenging; however it’s not as difficult as the time that I finally crossed over into recovery from my active addiction.

That time in my life was probably the fiercest war within that I will ever have to face. Yet I did find the might within and the resources outside to reach the top of that mountain top, didn’t I? Now I’m embarking on another stride in my world although this time professionally and this time I am looking forward to the bumps in the road because I know that obstacles are truly only opportunities.

You know what is great? Realizing that I rarely see or experience fear in my world now that I am in recovery from drugs and alcohol.

I rarely have any hesitation with regards to boldly going to where I have never been before. For me, this absence of fear much of the time has been one of my greatest gifts. You see, I realized in my journey from active addiction to recovery that FEAR is really only False Expectations Appearing Real. This helps me put things in a perspective to not let fear rule me like it once did.

I am so very appreciative of my ability to just jump into things that at one time I wouldn’t even consider. Things like creating new professional endeavors or exploring things of a spiritual nature. It’s so neat to be in the driver’s seat of life and have enough self-awareness to be guided to where I am meant to be.

Momentum is what keeps me driving this way. I love knowing that taking one small action and then taking another always leads to something. Sometimes it’s not where I intended to go but who cares because as long as I am moving forward in a healthy direction then I find myself right where I am supposed to be. As I keep a healthy perspective on why I got sober in the first place and work on growing beyond the circle of problems the arise, I am now able to more easily overcome and continue preparing for the new opportunities that are undoubtedly on the horizon.

During this holiday season, my hope for you and your family is that you experience in your own world a sense of this forward momentum. That you are taking your own healthy steps forward and never fault yourself for sometimes taking one or two backwards. Because maybe we never really go backwards—maybe the unplanned road actually is the right road to take us to where we are meant to be.

So I look at the backward steps or detour as a necessity to continued forward momentum. As long as we all continue to put one right foot in front of that other one then we will have the blessed opportunity to experience plenty of other reasons for celebration. All of them sober, healthy and full of the joy that exists beyond addiction to drug and alcohol.

We create massive to do lists, identify priorities and set out to tackle our agendas one by one with the goal of getting from A to B. Or at least that’s the intention. Yet most of the time we never see B; get stuck or worse — we give up completely.

So, why is goal setting so difficult for many? Because we let our stories get in the way. All those little bits of information we’ve come to believe over time that when strung together into complex thoughts create a story we believe most times is farther from the truth. I see more and more how these stories we’ve created limit the potential of ever realizing B and to me that’s an absolute shame and waste of a good dream!

This morning I was trying to think of a good analogy of what a person does each day that represents a true account of freedom from the limits we place on ourselves. I wanted to come up with something universal that would paint a clearer picture of what it would look like for someone to have nothing, but a desire to accomplish a goal and show what the goals might look like if we just were to approach it like we do in this universal way. Then I found the analogy I was looking for.

What happens when you get out of bed each morning? You get up and you walk from the originating source which we’ll call A to your destination which we’ll call B. During that walk, not once do you apply self-sabotaging thoughts as to how you’re actually achieving that goal of getting from where you are to where you want to be. You just get up and start walking. There are no stories telling you that you’re not good enough to walk from here to there nor are there outside influences that make you feel like journey might not be a worthy one. You’re not worried about failure or not achieving the specific result. You just get up and walk. And you do so without ever thinking that you can’t get to B. Why can’t all of our goal setting be this easy? Why do we allow so many stories and influences to have such an impact on our goals giving significance to those things that only deter us from getting to where we want to be?

For the most part, today in my life I do approach each goal without creating a story around it. I am grateful that my work in recovery has truly fostered and instilled an incredible amount of self-confidence and belief within me. I tackle each goal without giving a thought to the disempowering beliefs I used to let rule my world. It’s a remarkable place for me to live, at my core, always confident and always willing to take on that next risk.

I got here because I kept trying; kept poking around at the idea of what it would feel like to live a life without destructive stories. And because I kept my focus on getting to the place in my mind where obstacles were opportunities so nothing would stop me in my journey from A to B, guess what? One day I discovered it. I liken it to the process we must have gone through to start walking. It’s not like the moment we were born we started walking right? I am certain we all fell down numerous times until one day we found ourselves no longer falling. Now we just wake up and get from here to there with complete confidence and without stories.

Why can’t all of our goal setting be this way? The answer is that actually it can. It just takes practice and the willingness to trust. And with those two things the walk to your next goal will be brisk and rewarding because you will just get from A to B.

We can literally have or achieve almost anything we want in life. It’s a matter of the actions we choose.   It is within those actions that our destiny is shaped. We create our destiny by our decision to take action or not and that choice either serves us well or it doesn’t.

It is our decisions, not our conditions or our perceived “labels,” that determine our eventual outcome.   It’s also important to understand that our actions are tied to the emotions or thoughts we let prevail.   After all, every decision we make changes the course of our life and sometimes it’s a decision that impacts us forever. Our decisions and their related actions set a direct cause and effect in motion leading us to a certain destination.

Even an individual in another part of the country that we may never meet can have a direct impact on our life as a whole and vice versa. Think of our planet as a car and all the parts within that car are little humans working together in the same space. If a part within the engine decides to give out and stop functioning, does it not then affect the rest of the car in some way? Even something as small as running out of windshield wiper fluid can move an entire other set of action into play. This might seem like a silly example but it does paint a picture of the domino effect that we have on one another as a species living together on the same planet. Our decisions have a direct impact on not only us, but potentially everyone, everywhere.

There is a belief that a decision that ends up hurting someone’s feelings, causing friction or angst, is somehow a wrong decision. This is not necessarily always true. It could mean the broader part of your decision helped someone learn or see something that they may not have necessarily been able to see and that led them toward taking action to better their life somehow. Sometimes we can’t see what the outcome of our decision might be, but all the time our actions from our decisions are leading us and others to an ultimate destination.

We are where we are today because of the decisions we—sometimes others—have made. And we may be influenced by another but ultimately our decisions are ours to make. Decisions about what we focus on. Decisions about what we will make a priority in our life. Decisions about what actions to take with those things that we give specific meaning too. When we make any decision we affect movement and hopefully it is something that steers towards our goals and dreams but regardless it will become our destiny.

Making a decision sometimes forces us to grow in areas where we’re not comfortable. The most fearful decisions can often provide the most extreme benefits. So, don’t second guess yourself because of a little discomfort. Discomfort can be followed by growth—growth is a good thing. So even if you’re not seeing an obvious positive result immediately from a decision, don’t worry. It will make sense because your broader intentions led you to make it for a reason.

There is a large distinction between people who make the majority of their decisions consciously and those who merely go with the flow. Our future is shaped by the decisions we are making right now and the life we have today is a result of the decisions we made in our past. It is important to realize that each decision is a building block toward our ultimate goals and destiny. They build upon one another creating a snowball effect on the outcome of our lives.

Do you have areas in your life that you feel stuck because a decision needs to be made? Have you been postponing making that decision? Have you given up on any of your goals because your decision didn’t produce the result you were looking for the first time?

Now is the time to put all of that in the past. What decisions do you need to make for you to achieve that dream that has been on the back burner for a while? Perhaps a skill you have wanted to learn that will be of value toward achieving your goals?

Harnessing the power to make decisions is necessary for you to set forth, conquer your dreams and experience growth in all areas of your life. So, make the decision to start making changes today and you will see the immediate value. Don’t get your head too involved with your decision making process; in your heart you know which ones are the right ones.

Have you ever had a dream? Have you already accomplished one or more of your dreams? Is your dream something that you want to do full time; perhaps create a new career? Become a majestic painter? Maybe live on a houseboat sailing the ocean to places unknown? Or do you want to learn to play guitar or better yet, play guitar on stage with a member of your favorite band?  Whatever your dream is, it’s as real as you can make it. But this can only be achieved if you can first be very clear about what it is you seek.

Identifying your dream is obviously a significant step in the process of obtaining it. But just as important is the psychology, the mental mindset that is needed to obtain what it is that you seek. The thinking that you can turn every single one of those perceived excuses, obstacles and limiting beliefs into little gold nuggets will be key in providing you the fuel you will need to see the eventual solutions to your challenges that you will undoubtedly face you along your journey towards realizing your dream.

How many times during your life time have you given up on solving a problem or not moving forward with something because you felt the problems within were too difficult to overcome. For most of us, this is a daily reality and so many people have given up on their dreams entirely because of this. What a tragedy to go through life without having experienced the dream within your heart.

So what is the difference between you and someone else who made their dream come true? Their belief within themselves.

I believe our dreams and goals are a compass for our heart at the most fundamental level. Dreams also referred to as thoughts or visions of our future wishes and desires are gifts given to us by our Creator. And my belief is that along with that dream come all the resources we will ever need to make it a reality. Our dreams and all those things we’d like to accomplish are just beyond that gap between where you see yourself today and where you would like to be in the future. Each one of them is unique in their own right. But make no mistake there is a lot of work that comes deep within the gap from where you are now and where your dream awaits.

So how do you get from here to there? What does it take for you to take this thought, wish, or desire and manifest it into your reality? Well, first we must identify very clearly what our dream is!

I relate having a dream or a sense of purpose to that of being in love. When thinking of my dreams, I feel a sense of love or connection to myself. When you are in love, your entire world feels happier and seems brighter, doesn’t it? You wake up feeling excited and delighted to be alive. When you are in love everything seems right with the world. All of life's challenges feel minor and easier to manage. Being in love and having a dream can illicit very similar feelings; pleasure, positivity and fulfillment. These are the feelings that provide the energy and enthusiasm that is needed along the path toward realizing your aspirations. Attaching a dream to fulfilling a deeper purpose for your life can provide a never-ending source of joy and contentment.

So what is your dream? If you don’t know, the following is an easy three step exercise that may be of value to you.

1.      Dream BIG!  Don’t be afraid to dream big. Find a quiet place where you can relax and let your mind connect to your inner voice and see what dream has been placed upon your heart; that aspiration that was meant just for you. If you have the inspiration to visualize a dream then you most certainly have the ability, creativity and the resources to realize it.

2.      Dig Deep!   When you look back on your life what hobbies, jobs, or projects energized you? Can you think of any? If you’re having difficulties then think back to when you were a child or ask someone that knew you when you were younger. As a child we are more open to exploring things, experiencing things and even trying things. Revisit some of the positive experiences of your childhood and make a list of all the things you remember enjoying growing up. Would you enjoy doing any of those activities now? While you are searching, remain completely open to all your possibilities, even if they seem impossible. And if you come to realize it’s truly a dream within your heart, you will find it’s not completely impossible and you will begin to trust the process of achieving that dream.

3.      Do an environmental check!   An environmental check is used to ensure that any changes you start to make while pursuing your dream will be beneficial to you overall. Our drive can take us far. Our intelligence, patience, and savvy are tools for progress and to build momentum. However, our will to succeed is only as good as our ability and environment to sustain it. This is where our environmental check comes into play. Working without the support of your environment is like running up an escalator going down. You can make it to the next level, but it will be exhausting. When you have your environment supporting you, the rest of the world seems to propel you at every step you take moving you at times two steps forward.

Here are two environmental check questions to ask yourself:

·       Does this goal make you a better you?

·       Will your world (environment) support you doing this?

If you answered yes to both of these questions, then your environmental check is complete and your dream won’t be one that you push for, it will be one that you will be pulled toward.

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If this answer is no, you might reconsider your goal. Is there something similar that would be satisfying? Are there additional steps you could take first to change your environment to be one that supports your dream?

Identifying your dream is just the first step in a series of steps that you will take as you walk, stride, or run toward your destiny. Make it one that will that will inspire you!

Over the past year-and-a-half I have been speaking to teens at middle and high schools from the east coast to the west coast about destructive behaviors, personal responsibility, and dream catching. What a rewarding and energizing experience it continues to be! I am grateful for the opportunities to speak with teens about things that matter to them and encourage crucial conversations. In each community, teens are eager to talk and want to have adults listen to them.

I speak to students on a variety of topics including drugs/alcohol, peer influences, family stress, bullying and we engage in conversations about what inspires them and what dream(s) they would like to achieve. Through all of my conversations, one thing that has been a constant is realizing the significance of our actions — the way we handle ourselves, present ourselves to others, do things, move, talk, work, play and so on. All those actions move us in one direction or another. Sometimes that direction is good and sometimes it may find us on a path of lessons — sometimes tough lessons.

“BAM!” is a word that I use often in my talks. The phrase came to me one day while I was speaking with students. I was looking for a word to excite and engage them. I found that I began to often use the word BAM! And so it has become my signature so to speak. But I felt something was missing. There needed to be more with BAM! Something that gave it meaning. So I started to pay more attention to the situations when I said BAM! I started thinking more deeply about what BAM! represents.

Ultimately, our actions define our destiny. Our path in life solely depends on the actions we take. Actions guide us in our journey; sometimes to good places and sometimes to not so good places. During my active addiction, my actions were destructive and took me to all the wrong places; some of the darkest and seediest places I have ever seen. Places I most certainly never want to see again. But in recovery, my actions have taken me to great heights and allowed me to climb many mountains celebrating the journey of the climb. This is part of my message to teens - our actions speak volumes and each action we choose matters! That’s when it hit me. BAM! … Because Actions Matter.

The way we treat others and ourselves has a direct impact on our well-being. Doing something as simple as holding the door open for someone or helping someone carry a bag of groceries to their car, as I found myself doing last week, not only made me feel good but led me to having an absolutely incredible rest of the day. We can’t forget those actions we take that enhance our own personal health and well-being. Basically, actions shape our destiny.

So, what actions did you take today that supported you in moving toward your dreams or that left you feeling joy or happiness?

Today I find great value in making my actions matter in a positive way. Putting one foot in front of the other has brought me a joy like none other; sometimes joy just in knowing I’m headed in the right direction!

So remember: BAM!

Because Actions DO Matter!

Our values are the driving force of the choices we make and the action we take. When we are in conscious contact with what we value, choosing actions based on those values, we live a fulfilled life. Thoughts are a powerful nexus to our actions and the things that we prioritize that matter to us. Without them, we would be like robots; emotionless and living each day driven by the mechanics of life — similar to how many of us lived in our active addiction. Then, our thoughts were very mechanical weren’t they? We’d get up, go get drunk or high and repeat this process day after day; not in contact with our values and not living a fulfilled life either.

During that time in my active addiction, my core values were covered up in a haze and as a result, I was a robot to my addiction. I didn’t care about you or your pet goldfish. No awareness for the truths I now hold so dear. No consideration or compassion for anyone other than myself. Instead of living a life full of love and happiness, I lived a life without meaning or purpose.

We all have values that determine our decisions and guide our lives. Those who value health focus on how they treat their bodies. Those who value trust cannot convince themselves to lie. In recovery, I’ve found those values within me that are the foundation of who I am. Things like honesty, love, personal growth, security, self-respect and spirituality. These have all become important values to me and guide me in my daily actions.

But where do our values come from?

Our values are instilled within us by things that are constant in our environment. Digging deeper, our values come from a variety of our experiences from birth and on. For example, maybe we share a similar value base as our parent(s). Or maybe we have different values because the environment we experienced growing up didn’t connect with us. Growing up I was influenced tremendously by the musical band KISS. I was completely immersed in everything KISS. I paid so much attention to the business behind the band that overtime the creativity became one of my core values.

What I want most in life today is based entirely upon what I value; family, continued education. Or even things like the type of car or house I want or how much money I’d like to make. Each of these things have a certain level of emotion attached them and my having awareness in knowing what things in my world things create certain kinds of emotions has allowed me to stay in my recovery from drugs and alcohol.

There is this expression: “You are who you hang out with.” I believe this couldn’t be farther from the truth. I’ve experienced that in my own world. I’ve realized that as I associate with others who share similar values as I have, I am more in conscious contact with who I am at my core. And that’s brought me to living a fulfilled life.

There is no doubt that there is a connection between the environment and the types of individuals I surround myself with having a direct impact on my emotional well-being. The values that I connect with from these people, places and things are invisible in physical form but are very much real. And they are the driving force to my continued commitment to sobriety. Knowing this I must remain attentive and aware of the significance of people, places and things and never take any of it for granted again.

Image courtesy of Victor Habbock.

My desire to become and stay sober started to surface within me about halfway into my 15-year active addiction. That desire came about through a series of questions I found I kept asking myself. Those questions played a big role in transforming not only how I would seize my desire for sobriety but how I would remain committed to living a life without drugs and alcohol. And sobriety with a commitment and focus was the only way I would be able to achieve my goals and dreams.

Over time, I started to realize that there was a direct correlation between the things that I would focus on and the types of questions I would ask myself. That insight moved me to become more curious about living a sober life. Our mind is generally very active and sometimes we are not even aware of what we are thinking about. We focus on things all the time and for me, how to get my drugs and how I was going to feel under the influence was my only focus for a lot of years. I found that all of my questions and focus during that time were less than desirable. When I made this connection, my world changed!   It required being committed and mindful of my thinking in order to eliminate a focus on those unhealthy things I had become so used to being a part of my life.

I started with an experiment.  I would purposefully spend 5 minutes every day thinking about those things that empowered me to be my best self and then I would choose at least one action step that would take me one step closer to my goal. By doing this I immediately saw the potential in looking at life through a different lens; one that was full of gratitude and sans the toxic voodoo that my addictive thoughts had for years thrived upon. Suddenly I started to notice things that had been there all along waiting for me to discover. I was able to see the true beauty in the world, in other people and especially within myself.  That’s when it all clicked for me. That is when I knew I had to make this new way of looking at life permanent.

I wasn’t able to keep my new focus on life consistent right away but found value in the expression, “Fake it until you make it.” And that’s exactly what I did. I knew that if I didn’t at least try, the consequences for me could eventually become fatal. You see, I was so accustomed to asking the next wrong question, it took time to re-program my brain and remove my old patterns of lusting over my next fix. But over time as I asked myself healthier questions, placed more of a concrete focus on what I really wanted out of life, I found myself making smarter choices and that led me to more clean time free from the mind altering substances.

In order to look outside of ourselves to see what it is we desire from our life, we have to go inside and rework some of our unhealthy thinking first. We have the resources we need inside of us to become successful at what we choose to do. By changing what I focused on in life and by asking more empowering questions, I learned to access those necessary resources within to bring about the out the ultimate outcome—my own sobriety.

Oftentimes, dreams are a compass for your goals at the most fundamental level. Dreams also referred to as thoughts or visions can be an acknowledgement from your unconscious mind about the potential direction in your life giving you information about what your heart may be telling you — that gap between where you see yourself today and where you would like to be in the future is a road map to realizing your dream. But, make no mistake. There is a lot of work that comes with the in-between path toward accomplishing a dream. So, how do you get from point A to point B? What does it take for you to take a thought and manifest it into reality?

In my travels speaking to school students and community members across the country, I have come into contact with people who are at various stages on their path to dream catching. Unfortunately, a lot are in the early stages or have yet to take steps to move onto that path following their dreams. I have identified a type of thinking or psychology of how successful dream catchers are able to accomplish what they set out to do by observing what those that have chosen to stick that dream deep within their back pocket are not doing.

So, what mental capabilities do those possess who are able to turn their dream into something real when yet others are not?  Well, there are many traits that make up the world’s most successful dream catchers but the one trait in particular that I relate directly to my own dream catching path is that of trust.

When I first entered recovery and began to visualize my dreams, I realized I was lacking that ability to trust — lacking the ability to believe that how I envisioned my life could actually happen or trusting I had what it took to make it a reality. That was a major barrier for me to overcome, yet once I did, the path has been easier to ride out. Learning to trust that I would be ok at any given moment without the use of drugs and alcohol wasn’t something easy for me to learn. For me it was a process. The process of how I would deal with all those uncomfortable feelings and the experiences I would discover in recovery led to the realization that it involved trust.  But I had no idea that developing the ability to trust would be what would later lead me to the riches of self-accomplishment both professional and personally.

There are many people that ask me how is it that I seem to always be able to come from a trusting place. I believe that we are all born with the ability to trust.  Yet for a lot of us, life experiences break down our ability to trust so the process of living again fully involves reconnecting with our ability to trust.  Sometimes it takes baby steps or going back to basics to reconnect with trust.  For example, those of us that drive a car trust others who are driving on the same road with us. We trust that the other cars, driven by drivers we don’t even know, will stay on their side of that yellow line. Finding ways in which we embrace trust already can help us build up to more ways that we can trust more fully in our life and those steps will be well worth the effort. 

Recovery can be about trusting that life after drugs and alcohol isn’t as painful as what we may have anticipated it to be while suffering from our active addiction; trusting that no matter what is put in your path can be overcome without the use of any unhealthy substances. 

So as I see it, trust is at the forefront of dream catching.  The benefit in developing this trust as it relates to the process of accomplishing goals that are part of your dream catching journey is worth its weight in gold! So what will you do today to take one more step toward trusting that your dream is really meant for you?

I believe in me. Those few simple words at one time escaped me. I didn’t fall into the category of an individual who believed in anything but the drugs and alcohol that I once used as fuel to get by each day while running from my emotions. But when that light switch in my head turned on, the belief in myself was there and came rather quickly.

When I got sober, I was unexpectedly full of desires, hopes and dreams. Today, I am grateful for that experience because I was able to identify my purpose. At its most simplistic level, my purpose on this planet is to give back to society. I do that through a variety of means and am filled with happiness during my purposeful pursuit in giving back. Living my life is a joy and the belief I have within is vibrant. And that is the feeling that drives me each morning as I arise to continue down the path I am creating for myself.

There is a wonderful thing that can happen after working recovery from abusing drugs and alcohol and it comes in the form of clarity. After the fog rises and the smoke clears from the trail of devastation we may have left in our wake, we can see the light that is illuminating our path, sometimes every so faintly but it’s there if we listen to the quiet guidance of our internal compass. This clarity is ours to keep. It’s up to us to decide to do something with it realizing that we were given this clarity, this dream for a reason.

My destiny is shaped by my beliefs and my actions are shaped by my beliefs. There is no doubt that for every action I take, that step leads me toward my destiny. How I perceive all things in life are what I use to determine the answers to all the questions I ask myself daily. Questions like: Would this decision be something I can be proud of? Is this the absolute right thing to do in this instance? How can this action benefit someone other than me? Taking action based upon these types of questions is what has shaped me into the man that I am today. One who used to be referred to as an addict, thief and liar is now a man of character, inspiration and responsible determination.

I believe in me alright, enough to know now that I must never go back to that swamp of self-loathing and denial. I must take a daily inventory so I never chase anything self-destructive ever again. Taking a moment each day to remember the gifts that I have been given and to remain committed to my sobriety will continue to be one of the most beneficial tools I have ever been enlightened, too.

Believing in oneself enough to appreciate the gift of life and opportunity within each breathe is for everyone to enjoy and my hope is that you have found this little gold nugget of believing in yourself. May you live the life that at one time you had only dreamt of just as I am doing now!

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How many times have you heard the expression outside the box? I know I have heard this numerous times over the years. Yet, when I hear this now I am immersed in appreciation for having the ability to not only think outside the box but live outside of it, as well.  Learning to adapt to life's challenges by thinking outside of the box to find solutions stems from what I learned during my past drug use. During my active addiction I constantly had to find ways to feed my veins full of things that I had no money at times to pay for. Having to discover new and crafty ways to fuel those self-destructive behaviors became pretty much a full-time job. And you know what they say, practice makes perfect; doing something over and over again can do nothing less than at least make you better at it.

Now of course today I use this personal power for good. I'm always looking at obstacles as opportunities in a creative way. Viewing it from every angle to find the most useful and beneficial solution to forge through the perceived obstacle. And I have found this brings me to a life full of joy. My ability to think in a way that others have sometimes coined as "unreasonable" or "ridiculous," has been the driving force of how I approach every day. For me, that's what thinking or living outside the box is all about!

On my journey spreading my message, I have had the opportunity to speak to countless individuals of various ages across the country and I have found that many express discontent within their life. Oftentimes, sharing that they feel they have become trapped and live in a world where they are boxed in with no way out.

Hearing this has fueled me to continue encouraging others to step out of their day-to-day routine and step into a new way of thinking. One that can lead them beyond their boxed in world to something that they feel was truly meant for them; a world where they know they are living the life they were meant to live.

This got me to thinking how we live in a boxed in world. There are people who wake up and head for that box of cereal first thing in the morning. And then grab their box lunch, slide into their box shaped car and rush to get into their boxed shape cubicle. Following eight hours typing on the box shaped keyboard while staring at the box shaped monitor they then head home to settle in the comfortable recliner and turn on the box shaped TV. And then what's next? They head for their box mattress upstairs to get a good night's sleep so they can repeat this pattern every day for the rest of their lives. While some may find joy in this type of living, I know many have told me that they feel they have lost their connection to their passion.

Do you know how many times I have heard "I can't wait for retirement so I can finally do what I want to do"? What happened to living life now? Seeking those things that bring us joy? Why do we feel we have to "settle" into a life of complacency? Why do we believe we have no other options?

That used to be me, living a life I felt trapped in; a mundane life that only fueled my addiction because I felt I had no other choice! I feel this is a tragic way to spend our days.  One of the greatest gifts of my sobriety besides the fact that I'm sober has been the gift of living my life to the fullest every day. I approach each day like a little boy on Christmas morning. Ever watch that kid that felt limitless, almost fearless? I know I sure was that kid when I was 5 years old. I was always exploring, looking for things to do and never worrying at all how others viewed me or my actions. Today, I'm grateful that I've
reconnected with that desire to explore and get excited about the possibilities that exist within each second of every day so I guess in some ways I again that 5-year-old boy. Albeit, with a little less hair nowadays.

So, if you feel there is something more beyond the current walls of your life, you must first realize the boundaries you've built around you before you can move beyond them. We are never boxed in because we are presented with limitless possibilities every single day. But oftentimes we have boxed ourselves in so well that we can't see all the opportunities right in front of us.

I'd like to share three things that support me in continuing to live a life outside the box:

1) Believe in yourself

2) Trust that there is a reason you've been given that vision

3) Take at least one step each and every day towards realizing your
dream

Today, I'm happy to not be living in a box. Are you?

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Life is determined by how we define and perceive things. Because of this, each of us can have a different perception on what the reality of any given moment actually is. This is what makes for so much uncertainty in our world. But uncertainty isn’t necessarily always a bad thing. We all crave having such variety or uncertainty and in fact, I believe our species have thrived because of it.

I must admit that the world without problems to a certain degree would be a pretty boring affair. I do believe, however, that we have a tendency to sometimes to create more problems where they don’t actually need to exist in the first place. For example, how many times have you been in a situation where you imagined a story so unreasonable and despite all logic telling you that your thoughts were completely unreasonable, you felt absolutely certain that what you were thinking just had to be true? And then as the story unfolded, what happened? You discovered that what you were so certain of was only a ridiculous story you created. This has happened to me countless times in my addiction and was one of the things I would do often, which kept me in a place of fear. But in my recovery from drugs and alcohol, I learned to look at things differently; because I have to.

You see, the brain doesn’t experience emotions differently between stories that you create vs. actual reality. For example, if you are thinking of a moment that is fearful, are you not feeling fear at the same time? Or when you are thinking of a moment that would make you ecstatic, are you not experiencing the feeling of happiness? Of course you are because the brain doesn’t see the difference between what is real and what isn’t while you’re in the actual thought. That is why you can experience emotions based upon stories that aren’t even real.

So why do we create stories in our minds that can turn out to be at the minimum slightly exaggerated? I would contribute this to a feeling of uncertainty or unknowing; a feeling of not having control over something. Because of this feeling of lack of control, we create stories in our minds to help feel as if we know what the outcome of any given situation might or can be; thus, giving us a sense of certainty in our lives. At its core, this is a survivor mechanism.

I don’t know about you but for me, these stories don’t often end up productive for me or anyone around me. They can create unnecessary drama and pain and that way of thinking always led me to the darkest places imaginable. That’s why I started to look for other healthier ways to tackle the self-sabotaging stories and take back control over my thinking.

The tool that I found to be the most valuable in those moments of uncertainty is the tool of curiosity. The power in being curious enough to ask more intelligent questions is what now allows me to not only avoid such negative tapes from playing in my head but to thrive on the power of understanding that I alone have complete control over my thoughts and no stories need to be created for me to find healthy resolutions to any struggles or challenges that I may face.

So let me leave you with the question that can change the way you handle your emotions and situations that undoubtedly and thankfully will continue to arise during your lifetime.

“What else could this mean?”

Asking this question has helped me put in perspective the emotions I am experiencing that are tied toward any given situation I am in. If I am feeling any bit of uncertainly, asking this helps me steer closer toward finding a better answer by staying away from complex and colorful stories that my mind creates in its effort to comfort us by creating certainty.

So the next time you start painting that picture inside your head stop and ask yourself,“What else could this mean?” You will find that asking this will lead you to better ways to assess your experience and by doing this you will be rewarded by being able to respond in a more healthy way. After all, life gives you what you ask of it.

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I have come to realize that no one is “perfect.” I used to believe the imperfections that I imagined I had made me less of an individual than others. I was constantly judging and comparing myself in relation to others. Today I know that I had no true imperfections. I was just me. All that time I was running away from the only person I was meant to be. Now I know my imperfections were really all just an illusion and contributed to my disease in an effort to convince me that I was less than, not equal to others. I don’t often think about the time and opportunities that I had missed out on not being present with myself, but when I do, I wish I hadn’t run as fast and as far away from myself as I did.

I lost a lot of things while in my active addiction; relationships, trust, money, self-worth. All of these things I gave away to the pursuit of my habit. I gave them away freely. I found the more I lost the more I would use in an effort to numb myself; to avoid feeling the painful reminders of all that I had let go by the wayside. And when I got sober; I thought losses would end. That’s one of the reasons why I chose to stop. I just couldn’t bear the pain of any more loss in my life.

But I guess that was not to be; it was another illusion I had told myself that being sober meant not having to lose anything.

I see that even in recovery I am going to have losses; losses are a part of life that no one can avoid. However, there is a difference with losses in recovery vs. addiction. The differences are significant. My losses during my addiction were masked by the drug use in an attempt to avoid feeling the loss. This only took me deeper into the pit of my addiction. There were a lot of tangible losses during my addiction but there were other things that I thought I had lost that I have ultimately regained for myself like self-respect and self-love. Sobriety has allowed me the power to keep everything I have acquired in recovery; self-worth, confidence, and my belief in myself. They are all here by my side. No one will ever be able to take these things away from me.

I recall a time when I was struggling through some personal issues and realize that there will be times in recovery when it might be tough to accept life on life’s terms — times when despair will feel just a breath away. And I’ll remember that I have been here before. But this time I’ll remember that when I’m feeling that roller coaster ride of emotions and I seem all over the place, that all these emotions will be telling me is that I’m at a place of uncertainty; a place that I have no control over. And even though it might be uncomfortable, I’ll deal with it and I deal with it sober! That’s living life on life’s terms – that’s recovery.

Today, realize that I have myself. I have 100 percent of everything I have gained while in recovery. I haven’t lost me. I am perfect in the way that I am supposed to be. I am beginning to understand with more clarity that with all things lost, some things are gained. This brings me to see my own inner strength and courage I have to move forward despite the unknown.

And even though it’s tough for me to see all this at times, it doesn’t mean I am weak. It just means I am human.

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Did you ever find yourself yawning after seeing someone else yawn? Yawning has proved time and time again to be contagious. Compounding the mystery is the odd way in which the contagious power of yawning is largely an unconscious action. Do you ever recall seeing someone yawn and then replicating the yawn yourself; without even thinking about it. Yet other times, we’ve been aware it is happening. So what does this all mean?

For me it paints a picture of how significantly noticed our actions are to others and how others are influenced by these interactions both consciously and unconsciously.

Think of how many things we do each day that potentially influences another. All that we do, all the things we say, the way we interact, perceive and handle things have a direct cause an effect on those that not only surround us but those that surround them. Essentially, this means that we are influencing our culture and the way the world works just by living each day; through others noticing and replicating our actions.

When I wake up each morning I ask myself these questions: How will my actions influence another today in a positive way?  What can I do that will directly have a positive impact on someone while also having that potential to create a chain of positive events that can then influence others?

Last week, I spoke at a school in upstate New York and talked with the students about our actions and how these actions can change the course of our futures. In one particular discussion, I talked with these teens about the disease of addiction. I shared with them the statistics that indicate 1 in 10 Americans will become addicted to substances. It will become their reality and worst nightmare. During this crucial conversation with the teens, I expressed the importance of our actions and subsequent interactions with others especially with substances like drugs and alcohol. Basically, if they choose to partake in abusing themselves in this way, how could that directly influence a fellow peer?

I was realistic in our discussion. The facts are clear that not everyone will choose to live a life of sobriety. But for those that choose to abuse themselves in this way, I felt it important to convey a sense that they, despite their destructive behaviors, have a direct responsibility to not pass along their negative influence on to others. Just like the simple act of yawning, their behaviors could be emulated or replicated to those individuals that surround them without them even noticing or having that intent. After all, how do they know that one of their friends aren’t that 1 in 10 of us who become addicted to drugs and/or alcohol. The fact is they don’t know, and offering drugs/alcohol to someone is one of the most irresponsible things someone can do to another human being.

So today, I encourage you to not only wake up and do that next right thing but really think about how we can do our best to position that next right action to allow another human being to learn and grow from it; encouraging others to live a full and amazing life. Isn’t that the greatest gift of all to give to someone?

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Some crazy things can happen on the road to recovery. I’ve found that not only do we regain things like our health and emotional well-being when we commit to a life of sobriety, but we also become more aware of our surroundings; more in tune with how our actions impact us and those that surround us.

For example, last week while performing at a show in California, someone approached me and asked if she could have a feather that was attached to the outfit our lead singer was wearing. This woman said she was intrigued by the feathers and felt if she had one she would be able to carry the strength she felt during the performance. She expressed how this tangible item, a feather, would remind her of the feelings of hope she was experiencing during the concert and that would be one more tool she could carry with her to help her continue her focus on her recovery.

So, after getting permission from our lead vocalist, we granted this woman her request and gave her a feather. My hope is that this feather reminds her of her courage and her desire to embrace the gifts of recovery but regardless if she still has this feather one thing is for sure. For that very moment, this woman in early recovery experienced the grace and hope that comes with a life of sobriety and knew that it was within her grasp.

We never know the effect of our actions on another person. Giving someone a feather may not at first appear as a significant event for someone; but we should never miss an opportunity to extend a hand for another because at every moment of every day we have the potential to have an impact on another person.

How many times have we looked back upon an event in our life and only now see its value? There have been many for me during my life time. So many times I didn’t have a clue just how someday a particular action or event would shape my future but in reality, haven’t they all? Haven’t we all been bounced between our actions, like the ball within a pinball machine bouncing between pins, priming us to and moving us closer to fulfilling our destiny?

Last weekend I was asked to participate in the Michigan’s recovery rally and walk in Detroit. I had planned on attending to support the Faces & Voices Hub Event and then was asked to emcee a portion of the entertainment event. I headed out on that seven-hour trek between states to find my way to Detroit to do what I love to do; sharing my story so that others can experience hope and through that hope take action because that’s what I have found to lead one to a life long journey of serenity.

When I arrived in Detroit and took that stage, I saw in the audience someone who seemed so intent on my words. I sensed that this person was there not for the entertainment or the food or even the socialization, but was there to find hope. I did what I do, went into my zone and let the words flow out of me. Afterward she came up to me to express her gratitude for the words I shared. As we hugged she began to cry and said thank you. I told her that I should be the one thanking her. When she asked why, I just smiled and told her, “For the same reason you’re thanking me.”

Our actions and interactions with every person we come into contact with have a direct cause and effect on every single future moment. So it’s important to make them count. By putting the one foot in front of the other each day, we are not only doing the right thing by lending a hand to others, we are giving the gift in helping others to see that life is worth living when giving.  And that's how I choose to impact another today!

Image courtesy of stock.xchng.com.

Myself and the rest of the ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT camp are on a mission to rebrand sobriety and we are doing this by taking the RSSS PROJECT band on the road during September for our Rockin’ Recovery Tour. RSSS has linked with SAMHSA as a planning partner for National Recovery Month and the RSSS Rockin’ Recovery Tour is our way to show support. We launched our 2012 celebration for this year’s Recovery Month last week in Sacramento, Calif., sponsored by California Association of Addiction Recovery Resources (CAARR). What an awesome experience celebrating with others who have found the amazing gift of recovery!

The Rockin’ Recovery Tour, a family-friendly sober rock ‘n’ roll musical event, delivers a message of hope to those affected by addiction and mental health issues and celebrates the gifts of recovery! Coming down after the excitement of a ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT performance is challenging to say the least. Performing and then visiting with thousands of screaming fans, most of those them in recovery from addiction, is a thrilling adrenalin rush that cannot be measured against anything else that I have ever experienced. Our concerts have been compared to a freight train; wielding a high octane rush of hope and redemption for those in the light of recovery.

Words cannot describe the intensity of my appreciation and admiration for all those individuals across the country that aren’t afraid to shout at the top of their lungs that they are in recovery. It’s awesome to see all those voices of recovery come out, especially during our travels to events in September during National Recovery Month. It is because of their willingness to overcome publicly the obstacles they’ve encountered that will allow those that are still struggling to leave their darkness behind and ascend upward into a life where miracles do exist.

One of the greatest things for me to witness is another person celebrating their own recovery. I feel it’s important to not allow ourselves to get caught up in all the doom and gloom that sometimes comes from the consequences of our past actions, especially for those early in recovery. A celebration of our triumphs and due diligence to work through our stinkin’ thinkin’ should always be in order and we should make sure we take time to celebrate our lives sober. Discovering the benefit of acknowledging my strengths and not just my weaknesses has helped me at times get to bed another night sober.

When our singer extraordinaire, Veronica Freeman, hit the stage last week during our Rockin’ Recovery Tour stop in Sacramento, I experienced a heightened sense of the significance of being present in the moment and made sure to take part in the celebration of it all. There is something about her grace and presence on the stage that commands your attention. It’s that attention that somehow renewed my spark for life’s most awesome moments. All of which of course cannot be fully appreciated unless you’re sober. Veronica and the rest of the members that make up the ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT truly have a remarkable talent to connect and engage others in the message of hope and encourage others to embrace this celebration of life.

If you haven’t seen one of our shows, I truly hope that you can experience one soon. Witnessing the sheer brilliance of a crowd full of individuals celebrating life in recovery is about as inspiring as anything can get. Below is some footage of us doing what we do best. Enjoy!

Veronica Freeman - ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT LIVE!

Benedictum - ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT LIVE!

“So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable.” Christopher Reeve

More than four years ago I had an idea to write and record a rock ‘n’ roll CD of music that chronicled my life in addiction and what I was experiencing in recovery. It kind of was a no-brainer! I live for rock ‘n’ roll and I was submerged in recovery which made it a perfect match for me. So I sat down and started to write the lyrics and music. This opened up a path of deeper self-discovery and realizations. Dreams that had been buried deep inside of me were now being awakened.

One of the things I’m passionate in talking about is dream catching. It’s become such a critical topic to me because during my addiction any dreams I had were hidden deep within; not even recognizable to me. It wasn’t until I got sober that I started to reconnect with those things that brought me passion. That’s when the ideas started to flow bringing about visions of things I’d like to achieve.

Dream catching is not always the easy road but it is worth it, kind of like recovery. Staying in my active addiction would’ve been the easier path because it was one I was way too familiar with. Taking the steps to recovery was work – it took a willingness and focus and commitment. Basically, it was about becoming responsible for my choices. That’s like dream catching – it’s a lot of work and takes focus and commitment to stay on the path no matter how long the road seems or how challenging it becomes.

I have been met with a lot of resistance from others over the years encouraging me to give up my dreams and to live a “normal life.” So, when did putting dreams and aspirations on hold become “normal”? The way I see life now, having goals and working toward dreams is living. The other path of putting those dreams on hold is dying and that’s the life I was living when in active addiction for too many years; that got me nowhere good.

The path I’ve been walking since entering recovery continues to evolve. What started with the music CD, Serenity, has now morphed into a full-blown spectacle bringing awareness to substance use disorder and a celebration of recovery, rock ‘n’ roll style with the Rockin’ Recovery Tour!

The Rockin’ Recovery Tour, a family-friendly sober rock ‘n’ roll musical event, delivers a message of hope to those affected by addiction and mental health issues and celebrates the gifts of recovery! The performance includes songs about addiction and recovery including songs from the ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT CD,Serenity, and inspiring messages.

Rockin’ Recovery Tour 2012 is kicking off Sept. 5 in Sacramento, Calif.! Guest musicians will join me to perform for the Recovery Month event Recovery Happens 2012 sponsored by California Association of Addiction Recovery Resources (CAARR). Last year, our performances were held in the northeast so I’m excited to bring the Rockin’ Recovery Tour 2012 to the west coast.

As I prepare to leave for Sacramento, I am reminded how life comes together as long as I keep putting one foot in front of the other doing the next right thing. That’s what I call dreams catching and for me that’s rockin’ it out for recovery!

If you are going to be in the Sacramento area on Sept. 5, come on out and join in the celebration of hope.

Click here for more information.

International Overdose Awareness Day, which began in Melbourne, Australia, in 2001, has been recognized on Aug. 31 each year since.

“Sally Finn, manager of a Salvation Army needle and syringe program, was touched by the sorrow she observed among the friends and families of those who had overdosed. She witnessed their inability to express that sorrow because of the stigma surrounding people who use drugs. Eleven years later, that one event in the back yard of a suburban crisis centre has evolved into International Overdose Awareness Day, which is now celebrated around the world. Its global significance reflects the universality of the human emotions triggered by the tragedy of overdose – a tragedy that’s preventable.” (From:http://www.overdoseday.com/about-us/)

It seems fitting with this day of remembrance approaching that I share part of my story as I myself was one of the lucky ones. I survived an overdose that left me barely clinging on to life.  Here is the story about my overdose experience as written in my book,The First 30 Days to Serenity:

After completing yet another 30 days of treatment in 2006, I stayed clean for 60 more. I took my sobriety very seriously at that time and even made it through a breakup with my then girlfriend, Anna. She had grown tired of my antics and lies for which I could not fault her. A breakup seemed best for both of us but nevertheless dealt me a serious emotional blow. In my eyes, she was the perfect girl and I had traded perfection for drugs.

My recovery was short-lived though, and unbeknownst to me I would soon be on a fast track toward death. During this time both Chicago and Philadelphia were having a very bad epidemic of Fentanyl laced heroin sales on their streets. As many as 100 or more deaths had been attributed to people taking this deadly cocktail. And it wasn’t long before I would have it in my system.

Shortly after my stint in rehab, fortune shined and I landed a great job as a computer consultant. Having lost all my former clientele, my entrepreneurial mind came up with a plan to quickly gather up new ones. The premise was simple—I show my employer’s clients that I can do all of their work better, faster and cheaper. They abandon my “employer” and presto, become clients of mine! Once I had enough clients to call my own, I could re-start my business. Everyone kept saying that I needed to ease slowly back into life and not be too ambitious to recapture what I had lost to my addiction, but of course I didn’t listen.

I had just moved in with a new girlfriend and to get to her house from work I had to drive through a very bad neighborhood—the same one I most often went to in order to purchase my drugs. One particular evening while driving home, I was hit with some major cravings. They were brutal. I will never forget the intensity with which they ripped at my soul. The assault seemed unbearable so I prayed for the strength to make it home safely without relapsing. I suddenly felt weak and can remember thinking that I could beat this craving. I didn’t need to stop the car. I could keep driving all the way home and then I’d be OK. All I had to do was apply what I’d been taught in rehab and use the tools that I had learned there to make it home where I would be safe. Everything would be fine if I could just make it home.

But the temptations proved too great for me. I couldn’t resist this latest urge.

I picked up a girl and loaded up with $500 worth of crack and $500 worth of heroin. We had enough to last the entire night. We drove to a motel, got a room and started our little party. As usual, I headed for the bathroom and I’d come out only as needed for more drugs. I didn’t know people were dropping like flies in Chicago from bad heroin, nor did I know I was about to become one of them.

For the first hour or so, going in and out of that bathroom I smoked crack with the girl I had only known for about that same amount of time. I was so high. My heart was racing a hundred miles an hour and I was drenched in sweat like I was every time I had previously smoked crack. I am sure I wasn’t a pretty sight to look at. But this time I had pushed myself too far. Fear gripped me. It was an “out-of-control” high and I needed to come down quickly. The only way I could come down as quickly as I needed to was to do a downer drug, just one line of the heroin. I needed to do something NOW!

Little did I know, people were dying from this same batch of heroin I was about to ingest.

I pulled out the foil, scooped a line onto the table next to the bed and snorted it. I must have looked ill immediately because right after doing it the girl asked me how I felt. The only memory I have is jumping up on the bed and saying that I felt amazing. The next thing I knew, I was awakened in the hospital by my brother, Marc. He later told me that he, the doctors and my new girlfriend had been attempting to wake me for hours.

I had already been there for almost an entire day.

Later I would find out just how blessed I was to be there and to be alive. Apparently, upon collapsing, the girl I was with went through my pockets and discovered my phone. She was smart enough to call the last person that I had dialed, my brother, Marc. She told him that his brother was not doing so well in a motel room located off Cicero Avenue in the city of Chicago and that he’d better come quickly. After that, she hung up without providing him any more information. To this day, I have no idea how she knew Marc was my brother, but if she hadn’t called, I’d certainly be dead.

After some fast thinking, Marc contacted my girlfriend Tara and she drove from motel to motel in search of my car, finally finding it in the parking lot of one of the seediest motels in Chicago. She searched through the windows until she finally spotted me on the floor, lying naked and face down. The manager refused to let her enter and told her that if she wanted to get into the room, she would have to call the police. Given the times she said this was all happening, I estimate I had been alone and unconscious for approximately 45 minutes before she arrived. My life was hanging in the balance and whether I lived or died depended on how quickly she could get the police and paramedics to that room. Just minutes later, after having placed the call to 911, the paramedics gained entry and immediately gave me five shots of Narcan. To anyone who isn’t aware of how serious five shots of Narcan can be, I would later find out that administering that much at one time was in itself as serious a threat to my health as the overdose had been. I will be forever grateful to Tara and those paramedics for their heroic efforts because according to the doctors, if they had not arrived when they did, I would have been dead within four to five minutes. So, if you are reading this, Tara, thank you.

*****

As you can see, I was fortunate to have survived that dark and rainy night in Chicago and am grateful to be alive following an overdose from drugs. My heart goes out to the many families and friends that today are struggling to face the loss of someone they loved because of drugs.

So on Aug. 31,  International Overdose Awareness Day, I will take a moment and remember all the beautiful lives of those who have lost their struggle with addiction and I will continue to do whatever I can to educate and inspire others in hopes of preventing this tragic scenario from happening to others.

I was going through a major life transition during the time I was writing the songs and music for the CD, Serenity. That was the time in my life when I had moved from active addiction and into recovery.

During this time, I found myself full of a wide range of feelings that were sometimes too much to comprehend. It had always been hard for me to be comfortable with feelings, let alone be able to express them in a healthy way. Part of building my foundation of recovery meant learning new ways to live, including facing what I was feeling at any given time emotionally. Journaling was the start of helping me to bring out my feelings on paper and then led to realizing that creating music was also a way for me to better understand where I was at emotionally.

At times it was challenging capturing how I felt but I knew I had to bring out the feelings to move beyond the hold they had on me. I also believed there was a message that wanted to get out especially through my music and it was important I stay in touch with the feelings to successfully understand and convey what I wanted to express.

Alcohol and drugs has been intertwined with rock ‘n’ roll for years; oftentimes not in a positive way. The rock ‘n’ roll industry has not gone unscathed from the devastating disease of addiction. Many talented and gifted musicians have lost their life to this insidious disease; some my musical heroes like Jani Lane from Warrant and Randy Rhodes from Ozzy Osbourne.

I knew there were some rock ‘n’ roll songs that brought awareness to this disease of addiction and the destruction it causes. Yet, I felt compelled to write and record a CD in its entirety dedicated to the roller coaster ride of addiction and the serenity found in recovery. Each of the songs written for Serenity had significance about my path from addiction into recovery.

When I sat down to write the song, “Mistress Insidious,” I was filled with resentment toward the grip I saw my destructive thoughts still had on me. In early recovery after I had stopped using I couldn’t understand why my thinking was still messing with my head, trying to coerce me back into that world. I was so full of anger. That’s when I grasped at a deeper level the insidious nature of the disease of addiction and the stinkin’ thinking that is at the core of every addiction. I eventually learned to let go of that anger by realizing that it was part of the disease; a disease that wanted to make me think I was going to the Promised Land when in fact the ONLY place it took me to was to darkness.

What I wanted for those that would eventually hear this song was to grasp how strong that voice was inside my head; the voice that at times seemed to be the guiding force in all of my decisions. So I asked Veronica Freeman from the internationally-known rock band, Benedictum, to help me capture through her amazing voice, the emotion I wanted to connect the listener to when they heard “Mistress Insidious.” Working together, Veronica and I accomplished that goal to convey the intensity of that voice I kept hearing inside my head whispering me back to the wastelands.

Lyrics to “Mistress Insidious”

Step right up, stand in line, I’ll lead you to the great divine

No escaping now’s the time; you’ve got to feed the need

Your life is mine, so take my hand; I’ll take you to the Promised Land

Stick with me and soon you’ll see, you’ll be begging for mercy on your knees

Promises of pleasure, only bring you pain, dark is my forever, you will know my name!

Mistress Insidious, I will tear your soul asunder

Mistress Insidious, can’t escape the spell your under

Let me show you how it’s done

And now your torture has begun; sacrifice yourself to me

You will never ever be, set free!

Promises of pleasure, only bring you pain, dark is my forever, life is not a game!

Mistress Insidious, I will tear your soul asunder

Mistress Insidious, can’t escape the spell your under

Mistress Insidious, hawking to the words I say

Mistress Insidious, my commands you will obey!

Mistress Insidious, Now your soul belongs to me!

“Mistress Insidious” has been one of most requested songs during our Rockin’ Recovery Tour. It’s no surprise to me that others whose worlds have been affected by addiction can feel to the core the meaning behind this intense song. As we prepare to launch Rockin’ Recovery Tour 2012 next month, we are excited to announce that Veronica Freeman will be joining us for the 2012 Tour and will be performing “Mistress Insidious!” It’s going to be a rockin’ great time!

Check out this Mistress Insidious video submitted to Youtube by a fan.

Image courtesy of stock.xchng.com.

All that we have experienced along the way has helped us get to where we are today – things we learned yesterday, last week, last month and even five years ago. All that we have walked through and sometimes have worked so hard for brought us right smack to the middle of where we are at today.

As we move forward in life we have two choices — either we continue to work hard, learn from our experiences and heal from the things that have at times weighed us down or we become our own dream crusher. As I see it, those are the only two choices we have.

Those are the only two choices we have to choose between every single day.  Moving toward our dreams or moving farther away from them.

Believe me, I could have stayed in that place I was once in, full of excuses and self-doubt and continued to fall apart OR I could fight my way out of the darkness and climb out into the light — ascending upwards one opportunity a time.

As I look around, I see in other people so much potential and then I think, I made many wrong choices because I didn’t realize my own.

I ruined a thriving career, wasted all my hard-earned money on nothing and pushed away so many of my closest friends and family. And at times, I couldn’t stand to look at my own reflection.

Days, months and years go by and things can seem to slip away. We start to realize that we can no longer take some things for granted, like our health, family or our friends. Loss becomes more inevitable because loss is inevitable. But we don’t learn that until we start losing those things that are important to us.

Our success is measured by the opportunities we take and going the distance, toward that finish line.

Timing … No, training to realize that taking those opportunities, is everything.  One half-step too early or too late could forever change your course.

The opportunities we need to succeed are everywhere around us, in every minute, every second, every stretch of every the game.

We must force ourselves to press forward just one more time even when we think we can’t.

We must work harder and work smarter. Sometimes, we must stretch ourselves to the limit, always giving our best with the strongest determination because we know that when we add up all those opportunities. That’s gonna be the difference between the impossible and the possible. That’s gonna make the difference.

In any challenge it’s the person who’s willing to risk it all in order to cross that finish line that will find success.

And I know if I am going to live my life in a way that is true to me, I need to be willing to take that next risk, that next opportunity.That’s what winning the game of life is about, the opportunities that are right there, staring you right in the face because you took those risks.

Look in the mirror, as I did this morning; see your reflection; see that teammate within you who will go that extra mile until you realize each of your dreams.

See that person who knows when it comes down to it that working hard and playing smart are worth it because you are worth it and you do deserve to stake your claim during the victory lap of your choosing.

That’s the team I play for.

And by doing this, we live our dreams, or we live a life without purpose.

That’s it, that’s life.

Which choice will you make today?

Image courtesy of cbenjasuwan/freedigitalphotos.net.

It’s 4:21 AM. I am wide awake sitting here with feelings that are hard to ignore; feelings of sadness and uncertainty. But despite these feelings, I have gratitude for where I am at this morning. And grateful for having the strength to not do what I used to do to seek what was really only temporary comfort.

For 15 years I’d run to drugs when finding myself experiencing these types of emotions. I’d always find myself in places that I knew I shouldn’t go — cheap motels and hanging with individuals that were stuck as deep as I once was in my addiction. Spending yet again my rent money on drugs and neglecting all the things that I knew I should be doing with my life: saving that money or using it to feed my dog or even taking time to sleep. That was such a horrific time in my life. All I cared about was finding a means to escape my sadness.

But this morning is different.

Others often see me as someone who is happy all the time. And although I have to admit I am mostly the enthusiastic person that I appear to be, I do not always feel happy. Sometimes, just like the rest of us, I get sad and struggle to let others in.

I suppose for the sake of today’s blog I don’t need to get into what hurts me during this go around of my fighting despair, but instead address how I am finding the wherewithal to overcome it; without the use of drugs or alcohol.

I think my saving grace during times of hurt is in knowing that what I’m going through is just temporary. These moments may appear as a time to give up hope in our quests but the reality is they aren’t. Understanding this has been my key to success in recovery.

There are lessons to learn while feeling down. Lessons and opportunities are there to be discovered — little gold nuggets of growth if properly reflected upon. So I am doing what I know is important. I am sitting with my thoughts and feelings, thinking of things that I could do to steer me closer toward a resolution to my problems. After all, my problems are very minimal, but it used to be tough for me to think otherwise. I used to think I had the world’s biggest problems and no matter what anyone would try to do for me or say, I wallowed in self-pity. Now I know self-pity stemmed from a lack of faith as well as my own self-confidence.

Believing in myself and facing what I am up against while rebuilding my world both personally and professionally is the muscle that I use for fuel. I do believe that I have what it takes to overcome the things that I sometimes see as obstacles. I know now that obstacles aren’t what they appear to be. While they may appear as barriers that would entice us to quit or to attach excuses to, the reality is that they are like bowling alley kiddy bumpers. Obstacles are actually tools to help guide us safely to the outcome that our heart tells us exists. Having faith in a plan that we know MUST exist somewhere and one we’ll someday realize. Today I know I’ll find my way by looking at obstacles as opportunities.

So, instead of a crack house tonight I have chosen a safer place to collect and dissect my thinking. It’s a start to yet another day of opportunities and I can’t imagine proceeding any other way.

Image courtesy of stock.xchng.com.

This year’s upcoming ROCKSTAR SUPERTAR PROJECT Rockin’ Recovery Tour 2012 promises to be yet another celebration of the hope found in recovery from substance use disorder. As we did last year, the members that make up the ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR ROJECT, myself included, will use music and interactive performances to carry this message to all those within an ear shot of our performance.

It’s going to be an exciting and emotionally charged time for all!

The time and energy spent putting all this together isn’t all as glamorous as it may appear. While the end result turns out to be a spectacular celebration of hope and inspiration, there is a lot of work that goes into putting things like this tour together. There is work involved in coordinating the play list, creating the performance outline, securing the sound equipment, bringing the band together, scheduling rehearsals, coordinating travel arrangements and more.

Also with the current economic status as it is, funding an operation like this can be challenging and has made it difficult for some organizations that want a tour stop to be able to host one. Yet I keep pressing forward because I believe in the power of our message of hope through music. Things can get stressful coordinating the tour and I find that if I am not aware of where I’m at with my recovery, I can sometimes shift my priorities to things that are less important in the long run for my recovery. So, when I feel this slip happening I know I must take some time to reflect on why I set off to do this work in the first place.

Reconnecting with my motivation and drive always bring me back to a state of balance and a renewed commitment to my recovery.

When I was writing my book,The First 30 Days to Serenity,I included a letter that I wrote to my addiction. I wrote this letter in early recovery. I will be sharing my letter to the addiction on this year’s Rockin’ Recovery Tour. I find reading this letter grounds me and keeps me in check and my hope is that by sharing with others that it will provide an opportunity to serve as a potential source of fuel for someone else’s commitment or re-commitment toward their own recovery.

Dear Addiction...

I know you hate me. I know you want me to fail at everything I have to offer in life. Fail at everything I try and do. Create havoc everywhere I go. To stop loving and to start hating everyone in my life. But I cannot let this relationship continue. You're selfish and it's been completely all about you from day one. You must understand my perspective.

I love life.

I enjoy happiness.

I enjoy knowing who I am and have finally become comfortable in my own skin.

To look in the mirror and see all my beauty is a gift.

Why would you want to take this from me? I don't think I'll ever understand. Truth be known I've been disappointed in you for quite some time. What started out as fun ended up becoming a nightmare. I believed you when you told me that you would take care of me. I didn't believe anyone that told me otherwise. Now I know all of your promise of ecstasy was an outright lie.

You are a murderer. A whirlwind of doom that wants me dead. I can see this now. How could I have been so naive to think otherwise.

UGH!

I know you will be stalking me. Watching every move I make for the rest of my life but I won't be paying you any more attention. So beat it! So this is our good-bye. It has to be this way. I will not accept any more of your advances or calls. You are pathetic and this whole relationship between us was a waste. It was all about you all the time.

Well not anymore.

It's become about me now, my family, my friends. You are now a thing of my past.

-Super Star

P.S You were never good anyway

I have to work hard and maintain a daily inventory of where I’m at in order to continue to combat the advances of my disease. Writing, recording, touring, speaking are all things I do to keep my eye on the ultimate gift of recovery. It’s a must for me because I want to live while I am alive. Not only live, but exist in harmony with all the beauty that surrounds me each day upon awakening.

I hope to see everyone out there on the road during this year’s tour as we celebrate National Recovery Month! 

For more information on the RSSS Rockin' Recovery Tour, click here. It’s guaranteed to be a rockin’ great time!

When I finally made the choice to stop abusing drugs and alcohol something within started to come alive. It was like an awakening; a sense of being reborn. Passion seemed to spew from my heart and that positive energy became the fuel for my daily actions. I’m still maintaining that sense today and as long as I continue to put my recovery first, I will surely keep my passion alive for tomorrow.

And thank goodness for that!

A funny thing happens when you’re clean. The desire to accomplish prevails and becomes your new passion. At least that’s what happened for me. I found through working a recovery program, I was able to quiet my mind enough to hear the dreams of my heart. Following the steps to “dream catch” has taken me on an amazing journey; not always an easy one but a rewarding one nonetheless.

As I focused on my recovery program I have learned to pay attention to the effect of the emotions that surround me; allowing that energy to guide me every day. I have also found that listening to that quiet voice within can never lead us astray.

As I continue to accomplish my goals and move more toward my dreams, I have learned a few important strategies that I’d like to share with you. These are some of the fundamentals of Dream Catching and are the principals I now live by.

1.  IDENTIFY YOUR DREAM: No goal is too lofty or dreamy. Don’t worry about whether it makes sense to someone else. If you can imagine it and truly believe in it, it can be yours. First make a list of what’s important to you; a list of those things that make you feel alive and with purpose. Do it quickly and without censoring. This will help you to better identify your dream and allow you to develop the goals necessary to take you on that journey to your dream. Next ask yourself “Why do I want to accomplish this dream?” It’s important to determine that your reason for wanting this is to be living a life with purpose.

2.  GET FOCUSED AND STAY FOCUSED: Do something every day that puts focus on your goal. This will increase your odds of success and generate momentum. During the times you feel like you’re at a standstill and nothing is going as planned, remember WHY you have chosen to take on this task in the first place. If your reason outweighs your current discouragement you will find fuel to continue pushing toward what you know in your heart you desire. The mind and heart is a fascinating combination. Almost like a torpedo, if they have a clear and concise target then they will find a way to it. It just what happens.

3.    LET YOUR HEART LEAD: As I have often told those that work alongside me in my own endeavors, it is important to keep integrity, pureness and passion at the core of our operations. These three words stem from the center of my heart and have been applied to all that I have been able to successfully accomplish. The purpose is within the passion and at the core contains the purity of our integrity. If you lead with your heart, you will always find away.

4.  ALWAYS BE OPEN TO CHANGE: I once had dinner with a very successful multiple platinum musician who told me that the vision I have today might not be the one that comes to fruition tomorrow. I can recall him saying this to me and firmly objecting silently to his words. Never did I think I would eventually agree with his statement. But he was right and today what he said makes perfect sense. What we learn along the way during the pursuit of our goals allows us to become wiser. The lessons we absorb while turning obstacles into opportunities ultimately start to clarify our vision. When things don’t always go as we had planned, that becomes an opportunity to learn from it. I have found that every obstacle has had a purpose to me realizing my dream; I just need to remain open to the changes. It’s a no brainer.

5.  DON’T LET FEAR TAKE OVER: When you’re at that new next logical stage and you don’t know how you’re going to take it on, just do it and never look back. Look straight ahead and keep going. Fear is only as strong as how much you feed into it. Sometimes fear is actually “False Expectations Appearing Real” and we just need to plow through anyways because there never was anything that we truly needed to fear.

6.   STAY AWAY FROM THE DREAM CRUSHERS: Dream Crushers are others around you that may be telling you things like you’re crazy, you'll never accomplish that,or you're foolish for trying to do what you have set your mind at accomplishing. Dream Crushers can be those who don’t reply to your email or the seven voice mails you left for them this past month. Dream Crushers can be those that will not help you in any way even though at times they say they want to. At times I believed what some of these Dream Crushers were saying that entered my world only to later realize they didn’t have my back nor did they believe in my dream. That’s when I stopped allowing them to take my power. I now pay closer attention to the energy from others and distance myself from negativity.

7.   BE RELENTLESS IN YOUR PURSUIT: Dream Catching can have plenty of ups and downs and oftentimes more of the latter. Fuel can become scarce during these times of despair but if we are paying close enough attention we will see it as an opportunity to realize that it’s only temporary and take the time to delay, analyze and regroup. That’s when we will find new opportunities for refueling. Never stop trying to find a way to take the next step towards your dream. Patience is an absolute virtue in these instances. I have had instances where I would email and call individuals for one or two years before I eventually made contact. There is beauty in all these types of instances that you may see as hindrances.

These seven basic principles for Dream Catching are essential to follow while going after your goals. They are the key ingredients that helped leverage me into achieving what I have today. My hope is that you will read them, apply them toward your own Dream Catching and march boldly toward realizing a victory.

Image courtesy of stock.xchng.com.

How many times have you had this happen to you? You get excited about something, spend some time turning it into reality and then suddenly find yourself, as you near your goal, self-sabotaging your hard work.

I often did this during my years struggling with my addiction. I would spend hundreds of hours developing a new idea, building websites, learning programs and researching industries and then stop doing the work. I would stop because I would let my stinkin' thinkin' take over. My self-doubt and belief would dwindle over time and any sources of fuel that would once fuel me with hope and optimism would be gone.

My diligence with my own recovery as well as my work in the field has brought me to new heights. I have discovered while working on combating my own stinkin' thinkin' that I am my only obstacle. Today I offer no excuses to let myself entertain doubt or let other people's negative talk impact me in any way. After all, why should I? Why should I not soar where many eagles have landed once before? I deserve the ability to live out my own destiny and to conquer my own goals and dreams for myself.

The trick for learning how to embrace my own power was in understanding that I am responsible for my own spiritual, emotional and mental growth. I realized that no one, not even those closest to me could provide it to me long term. Only I have the power, choice and ability to plant my flag where I see fit.

I am powerful and a born champion. I wish I had known this earlier in my life. I believe that if I had, I would have made better decisions and would not have been so self-destructive. But having said this, I know that the lessons of my past have provided the insight and knowledge on how to move beyond all obstacles that stand before me because I have seen that I can; that I am indeed a winner.

People are obstacles. Many that I have encountered during my own professional work have been less than supportive with their encouragement. But it is not just people's negative talk that I have allowed to affect me. You see, I have been my own worst enemy at times. One of the greatest realizations I have made along the way is having the power to turn down and tune out my own negative talk. This chatter is the work of self-doubt. But not anymore!

Today, I approach things with a spirit that flourishes within me. And I realize that I have the right to set out to accomplish even the loftiest goals choosing to do what I have to do to see them through. The only rule I have set for myself is to be respectful to others along the way. Everything else is fair game.

I want others reading this to believe that they too are born with a certain power. That no matter what negative talk is in their head, to understand where it is coming from and then work to muscle their way through our brains operation mindcrime. I have seen too many examples of individuals living unhappy lives because they have chosen, through a series of their own personal stories, to let conformity win.

Conformity doesn't own me. I don't belong in a box and neither should you. Think outside of it, find what makes you happy and seek it for yourself because you deserve the freedom that comes from living a life with your own individual purpose.

Image courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net.

I believe perseverance is being able to walk through anything because one believes that all obstacles, no matter how big or small, can be defeated over time. Determination and resilience has been a staple ingredient to accomplishing my own goals and dreams. In fact, it would be difficult for me to think of any widely successful person, business or idea that did not come to fruition without perseverance.

When we run into problems or challenges, we have the option to either give up or to keep going, right? The decision to keep going builds our perseverance and makes us stronger and more capable to handle the next obstacle. I apply this thinking not only to my own professional endeavors but my personal ones as well.

My recovery has been quite the journey of ups and downs, but I have found beyond the valleys of self-doubt, the peaks of absolute clarity lie and those peaks are followed always by feelings of self- fulfillment. I have come to the realization that as long as I stay on the course of self-exploration and maintain a willingness to never stop trying, all of the remainder of my days will be spent sober.

For many years I allowed self-doubt to rob and steal many things including my own excitement from life. When I entertained and allowed this doubt to overtake my life, I was essentially choosing to miss opportunities for growth. The little thief in my mind had a big influence on my actions. Silencing that voice was essential to building a persistent mindset.

So how can you silence doubt?

· Make the Decision - There is a lot of power behind making a decision. When you truly make a decision to pursue what you want, resolve to do whatever you can to make that decision a reality.

· Don’t fear mistakes - We can often be afraid of making mistakes. I know I allowed this fear to rule my world for the better part of my life. That fear prevented me from taking action toward my goals. Mistakes can create awesome learning opportunities that are beneficial if we truly want to advance in our lives.

· Avoid Dream Crushers - Stay away from people who reinforce the doubting voice in your head. Finding people who encourage and support your goals can help quiet your voice of doubt.

· When in doubt, do it – Self-doubt prevents active actions. Action is the key to success. If you come across a situation where you begin to doubt your ability, take action to move beyond the doubt.

There are many different ways to accomplish something. We sometimes allow the little obstacles and excuses to stop us from reaching our destination. Instead of letting those obstacles stop us, find ways to get around those obstacles by using your own determination. My motto is to “turn obstacles into opportunities.”

Perseverance and determination have been key points in my recovery from substance abuse as well as everything else I can think of as an accomplishment. These qualities have led me to determine a path and then follow that path of my own choosing. I am grateful for little handy tools I have developed and hope that you too can forge ahead and never give up on becoming as great as you were meant to become.

Image courtesy of Master isolated images/freedigitalphotos.net.

We all know a few Dream Crushers, right? Well, how do we move beyond them and closer toward accomplishing our goals and dreams?

I am a dreamer; someone who sits up at night conjuring up ideas. Sometimes they can be rather lofty and sometimes they can be simple. But all of them are approached the same way. First, I sit with the idea for a few days. Many times I come to the realization that this next greatest big idea I had just thought of isn't for me. Other times, I realize that it's an important one to pursue. I make my decisions to pursue a dream based upon the strategic role it can play toward accomplishing my other future goals.

Dream Catching makes me happy. It gives me something to strive for while at the same time keeps me in a healthy place in my recovery from substance use disorder. I don't hold high expectations while pursuing them because doing so can lead to let down. But I do expect that I at least try to accomplish my aspirations and then be open to however it plays out.

How many times have you thought of a great idea only to have it shut down by someone that you have shared it with? I notice this has happened 99.9 percent of the time for me. Every idea or goal I have ever thought of and told someone about faces the discouraging words of a Dream Crusher. Their words, oftentimes negative, used to hold weight. I would give the Dream Crusher my power by agreeing that perhaps my idea was a bit too much to tackle or that I may not be well suited to take it on but not anymore. Now, Dream Crushers’ disappointing words run off my back like water over a falls.

So, how did I master the art of ignoring gloomy and dispiriting comments from those that I allowed to once rule my world? Simple! I say, "Well I'm gonna." And when I say these words, I mean it. I truly believe in my heart and only look ahead at how wonderful it will feel striving toward fulfilling my next endeavor. Because I have found that the power that comes from the belief in myself leads me to a feeling of confidence and the continued enthusiasm to live my conquests to their fullest.

When I was getting high during my active addiction, my dreams were there, somewhere in the distance. I never put any energy into them. I couldn't. My days were too busy finagling where my next drug was going to come from. But since becoming sober, this time has been expended on chasing my next dream to which I have so far accomplished every single one, despite what the Dream Crushers have said.

I'd like to share with you three things that I have learned along my journey of self-discovery and Dream Catching.

1. I will never stick a dream in my back pocket ever again.
2. I won't ever allow anyone to tell me I can't do something when in my heart I know I can.
3. I will stay away from the Dream Crushers but if one chooses to walk in my path, I won't allow their words to take away any more power from what I know I should be doing.

Try to stay away from the Dream Crushers, you can't change them. The only thing you can change for the better is yourself and if you do that you will change the world for you, for your friends, for others and possibly even for the future of all mankind.

Please enjoy this video presentation I created about this very subject.

Image courtesy of Kenneth Cratty/freedigitalphotos.net.

Last week I attended Canandaigua Middle School’s ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT year-end event and fundraiser in upstate New York. Approximately 30 teens with the support of a handful of school staff, administrators and parents showcased their talent while also raising funds for a student diagnosed with brain cancer. The ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT mission is Inspiring Responsibility and Dream Catching through Music and Art including the Branding, the Business and Community Service. The students at Canandaigua Middle School did just that last Wednesday night!

I had always imagined that the ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT would be more than just a band. In fact during the last four years there hasn’t been a day that I did not believe in my heart that it would evolve into what it has today. I have envisioned over the years a type of club or project that unites kids and adults together encouraging students to pursue their dreams while paying it forward through community service. The evolution of the ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT in schools has proved to become something that has an everlasting impact on all those who took a chance to participate.

But one thing I hadn’t foreseen happening was the relationships of support that would develop between the students, staff, parents, myself and other RSSS staff.

The school staff and parents involved with the ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT at this school were very quick to acknowledge their own enthusiasm toward helping the students. And the adults involved also found the joy that comes from watching others achieve success through dream catching!

There was also a positive outcome we saw with the student/adult relationships through support. Relationship development with teens, at least in my opinion, is developed less through spoken word and more through actions showing a healthy support. I think at first, although enthusiastic, the students were unsure of what the outcome would look like from starting their own ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT in their school. After all, they would be the ones needing to craft and perform during its eventual end-of-the-year performance.

Fast forward one year later; it is show time. I drive to New York to participate in the preparations for this event and to see all that has gone into the planning of this, never imagining what my own end result from participating would be. The night was full of musical acts and artistic performances, self-published books written and illustrated by RSSS students, hand-drawn artwork transferred onto T-shirts sold to support a cause of their choice and parents and peers gleaming with pride for one another’s courage and talent in creative expression.

At the end of the evening I was called to stage to accept a gift from the students as a symbol of thanks for what they gained from the RSSS experience. One by one the students expressed their thoughts and sentiments for what they felt was offered to them during the last eight months leading up to this night. And as they handed me the gift all I could think of was how proud I was of these fine individuals who stood up and took a chance and were able to experience the benefits that come with accomplishing a goal.

I was presented with a one-of-a-kind handmade leather and copper bracelet they had made especially for me. The RSSS students then shared how the design of this bracelet represented what they gained from RSSS. They shared that the front copper plated design was a tree which represented my roots in upstate NY. And how other parts of the bracelet represented hope for achieving dreams, appreciation for believing in them, strength from sobriety. I don’t think these teens realized the ever lasting impact they have had on me as well. I will wear this treasure at every performance and reflect upon my experience with them and how they have inspired me as well.

A few of the students wrote a song for me called “You Came Along” and performed it live at the event. This was the true gem of not only the night but will serve as one of those moments in time that I can look back upon as a source to draw strength from. This was it, the deal clincher confirming to me that I am supposed to be doing this work. That the youth of our communities want to dream catch; they want to live with purpose and that we as adults have a responsibility to encourage, support and inspire them.

I’d like to share with you the lyrics to their song. My hope is that by doing so you too will feel the magic and strength that comes from watching those around us dream catch!

You Came Along

You came along when I was falling to pieces

You came along when I needed someone

My past was soon catching up with me

Before it was too late, you breathed life into me

This is our second chance

Life doesn’t have to be, a long-never ending road

Choosing our own destinies

I see stars of hope in your eyes

I am looking for you

Finding you

Somewhere wonderful

Still clenching onto your words that make me stronger

The scars remind me of my past

You have reminded me of what’s great to come

You see stars of hope in my eyes

I am looking for you

Finding you

somewhere wonderful

What we share is eternal

You came along showing me it’s never too late

To break the chains that destroy us

I am not afraid to fall

Saviors walk among us

Sometimes relationships don’t work out the way you want them to. Sometimes no matter how much you see yourself wanting to mutually foster a relationship with someone, that desire is only one-sided. The other person for reasons of their own, don’t become more involved. There can be heartbreak coming to terms with those types of situations.

I sure wish that when I was in my active addiction my drug of choice, which I believed I was very much in love with, would have been like this; opting to not invest in a relationship. But that’s the cunning and baffling foundation of this disease. It can create a false desire for one to crave like none other.

In dealing with the human side of our world we can enter a place where emotions get complex. And sometimes in that place, I find myself not seeing things clearly and my thinking seems off when trying to connect with my own raw emotions. But lately I have been able to attach and understand them on a much deeper level of consciousness. This has helped me come to terms with those individuals in my life that would prefer to keep a distance from those that care about them.

I heard a story recently of a situation that reminded me of this. A woman was in love with a gentleman and for a short time she found herself living in a world of absolute happiness alongside him. But after awhile she backed off and started to become distant from him. Eventually, the day came when she pushed him out of her life almost completely. The gentleman messaged me and asked for some advice on how he could try to re-engage with this woman in an effort to try to relive what once was. In a series of email exchanges it became more apparent that this woman, who he also loved, just couldn’t handle being on the receiving end their love. So he asked me, “Why would someone pull away when everything seemed so perfect?”

Sometimes we come across individuals in our world that only seem to be present with us temporarily to share their love. Sometimes it is just a bad timing issue. Perhaps they have other things that are surrounding them that they think need more focus or maybe it just didn’t feel right for them. Any reasons they choose are to be respected. However, sometimes the issues may go deeper than the obvious.

Perhaps they don’t want to try any longer because they see it as a potential setup for hurt. There could be many reasons for someone to retreat from a seemingly good relationship. My reply to my email acquaintance is that I really didn't have the answer he may be seeking. But I encouraged him to hold onto his memories of their time spent together and remember her for the happiness that they once shared. Above and beyond that, it’s time to move on.

I’m no relationship expert but in hearing his story some emotions arose in me that I believe have been buried since that moment I took that first drug. Purposely, I have chosen to forget about many of the loves of my past. I believe this was a protective measure to avoid the pain of having to relive the moment when you feel you lost someone that may have felt significant. But the more I got to thinking about this story along with my own experiences, the more I realized that love never really goes away entirely. Love may have the illusion of coming and going but true love remains a constant to that source you shared a connection with.

I am grateful that my recovery has connected me to individuals that share their successes, their lessons and their challenges because in those stories I believe lie the things that matter to all of us. Things like love and the importance of a connection to others.

My lesson in this email exchange with this gentleman was realizing that as long as my own heart beats, there is a love remembered in all things experienced and there is a precious feeling that love endures in all things and that will carry me into my future.

Image courtesy of joeymc86/stock.xchng.com.

When I was younger my father used to take my brother and me out on the weekends to troll Lake Ontario for trout. I can recall begrudgingly going because I would often get sea sick on those 4 to 6 hour boat rides that seemed like it took you to the center of the eternity.

Wave upon wave churning the boat up and down coupled with the hot summer sun and tasteless sandwiches seemed like such a waste of my weekends. Of course today they are reflected upon as some of the fondest memories of time well spent with my father.

Getting up that early on those weekends to do something I didn't care at all about seemed like an absolute waste of time. I am sure I would rather have been allowed to sleep in and do what I had wanted to do later in the day. But now I see that my father wanted more for me, although at the time I thought he was just really overly enthusiastic about fishing.

He never took naps and was always up early, but now I see clearly that he was a man who appreciated all that life had to offer. He just wanted to pass this thinking – the gift of life— down to his children while he had the chance.

Trolling for trout with my father on the weekend did have its moments. Those times when I would hear him yell "fish on" would be exciting for all of us on that boat ride. Would it be my turn to grab the line to reel the beast in from the lake's deep waters? How long would this fight last between fish and boy this go around, and who would be deemed champion because they would catch the bigger fish of the day?

Sometimes it would take an hour to bring in these monsters from the sea. Other times the fish would be victor and get away. But I see those moments today as special gifts. My father's own reward was in capturing those exciting moments with his sons and sharing his life with us. For my brother and me, our reward was seeing those times with our father which brought him happiness.

With each passing day, I am starting to see more and more how life is like trolling for trout.

There are so many different opportunities that await us each day. Some of them are enjoyable to obtain. Sometimes, just like on those sweltering days on that boat, baking in the sun, rushing to the side of the boat to find you sick once again, are life's opportunities and gifts that seem less enjoyable to realize. But they exist and there is no other alternative except to attain them, a gift within itself.

What's important for me and oftentimes serves as fuel to push hard beyond life's difficult ups and downs is knowing that sooner or later I will indeed see when there is again a "fish on" the line and I will reel that bad boy in and celebrate that day as victor.

Image courtesy of stock.xchng.com.

As I look out the window this morning, I’m watching two birds nestled in a tree with the vast blue sky painted like their canvas. What a spectacular sight this is. This scene reminds me that there truly is a connection between all things and that we can find personal meaning in any situation if we remain open. 

For me the skies represent the abundance of opportunities that are within anyone’s reach if we just look. The birds have a dual representation the first being the freedom we have to be our true selves and the second being the need to have connection with others to thrive. Finally the tree represents a sense of home and stability with its deep roots planted firmly into the ground. There is a sense of joy I feel in this moment in knowing that we each are born with special and unique traits and our personal responsibility for this gift of life we each have is to give our best self back to the world. 

Both of the birds circled the tree until landing each on separate branches looking at each other and communicating through a series of chirps. Almost as if they are asking one another if this tree is the one that they will be calling home for now. I am fascinated in their exchange. In that moment I reflect on how this relates to my own life.

After 20 minutes, one of the birds flies away leaving the other sitting alone on its branch. She sits there chirping and tweeting relentlessly and I can almost feel her sense of urgency and panic of wanting nothing more than to see her friend return. Where did he go? Did he go look for another tree? Perhaps just left to go scout for food or another opportunity?

Becoming sober has brought me clarity and has opened the door to knowing that I have the strength and confidence to fly in my own painted sky and choose my own branches to land upon. At this very moment I am looking for the best tree to build my nest and will not settle until I know that it is truly where I’m meant to be.

Forty minutes has passed and the bird on the branch is still chirping. Forty-five minutes go by and now 50 minutes. Suddenly her friend returns to the tree. He sits upon a branch and there is silence. I can hear the wind blowing through the screen window and smell the fresh cut grass from the neighbor’s yard. I can see both birds appear to be relaxed and content. It’s a moment of enlightenment for me.

Even at the most basic level of our existence, all earth’s creatures have a desire to experience serenity and to be content in our environment. Humans complicate this with toxic thoughts and destructive thinking. The nonsense chatter that fills the space between our ears is only lies about our perceived inadequacies or deficits that we believe. And that is what steers us off course from our true inner desires and dreams instead giving power to the lies and not our truth. These two stunning birds don’t worry about things like having to use drugs and or alcohol to cover up their emotions. They don’t worry about what other birds think of them. They only care about one another and how they will survive … together.

The lesson in this for me was in the beauty I saw in this morning’s painted sky and these two birds. That the love of soaring to discover opportunities and the strength found in making our own responsible choices is what will lead us to our true destiny while realizing we were already whole and complete.

Image courtesy of Brandy Corc/stock.xchng.com.

A life of lies, deceit and consequences is the life I lived when I was in my active addiction. Life became insurmountable problems after problems. I stole from people, was arrested and sent to jail, racked up bills from legal problems, hospital visits and accidents and found myself in some very sticky and illegal situations. My thinking and constant need to support my habit led me down the road that I swore as a child I would never travel.

In my teens I didn’t believe it when adults told me that my partying ways could quickly escalate and cause problems for myself. No way did I listen to others when they told me that as a result of my drug use I could someday end up in jail or dependant on using drugs to such extremes. I wish that I would have listened.

During the times that I was abusing drugs, the consequences became tiring rather quickly. The having to say “I am sorry” to others for my actions were all to frequent. After 15 years I was exhausted, broke and pretty much homeless.

So what changed for me?

I knew that life’s ultimate consequence was not too far behind. Death seemed to already be knocking at my door and for this reason I had to make a new choice. I had to get sober and become healthy to give myself a second chance at life. I deserved to live.

Over the years I have run into individuals struggling with their own addiction who say that the problems that were created while they were using were undefeatable— that they might as well continue their downward spiral because there is no way that the pain of resolving their consequences is worth the pain of having to give up drugs or alcohol. Of course this statement is the disease talking, but I do understand what some of them may have meant.

Facing the challenges of fixing what we had broken during our addiction chase is by no means easy. For some, surrendering to recovery may mean initially surrendering to jail. For others, refraining from substance abuse may mean having to go back and admit to others that we did steal their laptop or we did do things that were completely inappropriate and life shattering for some. And although those moments of brutal honesty, sharing with another about our past actions can indeed feel overwhelming, there is something glorious beyond them.

The truth hurts at times. For us as well as those that often times are on the receiving end. But what I have seen play out time and time again is what happens when honesty turns to acceptance or at the very least, an acknowledgment. Truth sets us free from the lies and plays a part into the healing of our consequences. It has a way of repairing what’s been wrong into what’s now right and after time there becomes more peace within every situation that we may have to deal with. And that’s a reflection to become proud of because your heart tried to do the right thing.

Not every problem we try to fix when we become sober may have the outcome that we desire. But every outcome that we desire may have played a part in what led us to have to fix things in the first place.

As I travel to schools across the country, I have been enlightened as to the magnificence of our youth. They seem to desire a belief within them to conquer their hopes and dreams. This is the message that we are delivering through our programs and it is clearly needed in many of the communities in which I have had the pleasure of speaking.

Behaviors including bullying, drug use, not taking care of our bodies, self-mutilation and others are often a result of not feeling connected, aren’t they? We seem to be living in a culture where adults are more in debt, overweight, medicated and addicted than previous generations and many of our youth are struggling to understand what having a true and genuine connection really means. Texts, emails and other forms of communication like social media all lack a personal connection with people and overtime it has become apparent that this has had a direct negative impact on the development on one’s own social skills.

I’m curious about why more and more people are seeking something outside of themselves to fill a void than ever before. I also wonder if the students I speak to really grasp the concept of self-love; realizing what it means to love one’s self. And where has hope gone with our youth? It’s time to take back what is at the core of every human being; the need to be connected and one with our own species.

My presentations include three key points and at the core each point relates to having a strong connection to ourselves and those around us. The first is Rebranding Sobriety. I want to increase one’s understanding that substance use disorder is a progressive disease and that for some there is a higher risk due to a genetic predisposition to addiction. To comprehend that the consequences related to substance abuse come to those that have made the decision to use. I applaud the decisions of those that have decided to stay sober as we really need to celebrate with those that have come to the realization that choosing a healthy and drug/alcohol-free life is the only way to really live. Rebranding Sobriety promotes that “being sober is cool!”

Personal Responsibility is the second key point of my presentation. Taking a stand, combating destructive behaviors is part of accepting responsibility not only for ourselves but for all those that surround us. We get only one life to live and we are each responsible for our own choices. Personal responsibility requires respecting one’s self and others. Taking that next right step with everything that you do is what will pave the way for an honest and fulfilling life.

Finally, I speak about the concept of Dream Catching — encouraging others to find what brings them passion and go after whatever it is within their heart that sings to them. Dream Catching is about having the courage and belief in oneself to turn obstacles into opportunities. After all, the ONLY barrier to not realizing one’s dream is thinking that you cannot!

I want my message to convey that each and every one of us is truly remarkable and unique and we each have gifts to share with the world. And most importantly, that self-love, family and respect for others leads one to the life we were all meant to live.

My recovery from substance abuse has taken a lot of effort; especially in the early days and months. It took effort in the sense of looking at my character defects, finding the strength to face them and make changes. This last time around, I knew I had to confront these things in order to stay clean. Looking at all those things that I felt and knew were unattractive and then learning to change my behavior so I could move on in my life. For example, I knew I no longer wanted to be the manipulator I became in order to support my addiction, so I took a look at that way of thinking and worked, drudgingly at times, to become more sincere, more honest.

But working on these things weren’t the only thing that I found valuable when focusing on maintaining a life of sobriety. What was just as important to me was looking at all of those dreams that I forgot I had once dreamt; of goals and ideas that I wanted to someday see become a reality.

As I forge ahead with my own dream catching and conveying the importance of living a healthy lifestyle to schools and communities this year I am living out yet another dream of mine. Every time I look into the eyes of a stranger and share my story with them we make a connection. They may sense I am extending a hand to them and see that they are not alone on this journey called life — to make them feel at ease about the sometimes uncomfortable subject of destructive behaviors and to provide them with the message that obstacles are truly opportunities in disguise. For me, doing this was once a dream and now it is a reality.

When I started the ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT initiatives, financially I was broke. After all, I spent all my money on drugs for the better part of 15 years. But I wanted my sobriety and for me that meant pursuing things with a relentless passion because that brought me a sense of purpose and that I found led to more clean time.

I never saw being so broke as a disadvantage with regards to what I wanted to achieve. I saw it as an opportunity. In fact, I saw it as a character strength builder sort of thing. I knew that it was going to take a lot more work to achieve my goals and dreams and because of this I often had to reach deep, extremely deep, within to lean on my own due diligence and resources. At the same time, doing this allowed me to sometimes work indirectly on my character defects even when I didn’t know it. BAM! Talk about getting the most value out of your work!

Writing my book, The First 30 Days to Serenity: The Essential Guide to Staying Sober, took this kind of heart and willingness to push beyond the uncomfortable and using that time to my advantage toward healing. During that time, I learned a lot about structure and compassion for myself as well as others as I typed each and every word. But when I was done with my writing, all the publishers I sent it to firmly rejected those words. It seemed that no one wanted to invest in my story but that didn’t stop me. My dream was to someday walk into a Barnes & Noble book store and see my book on that store shelf. So, without a dollar, I learned the publishing industry and through a series of opportunities, I published it. And just last week I walked into Barnes & Noble and there was my book sitting on the shelf!

The same relentless pursuit was necessary with the ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT Serenity CD, which features members from bands such as Kiss, Heart, The Goo Goo Dolls and more artists. I invested hundreds of hours’ worth of work to finally see its completion and on the store shelves at Hot Topic. From the learning of the programs to creating the artwork, to understanding mastering and producing music, to researching how distribution works and creating websites with code that I just didn’t understand in the beginning and then defining and putting in motion the marketing and promotion of this CD took a lot of courage; not to mention the insurmountable time spent working on videos, crafting emails asking for assistance and time from professionals to help me with the endeavors even though knowing that 99 percent of them would go unanswered. But I never gave up. I never saw anything but the end result within my day-to-day aspirations.

My accomplishments now include far more than creating a book, CD and developing relationships with some of the most prestigious substance abuse related organizations in the country. I am also now a motivational speaker, developed programming for anti-bullying and substance abuse with other professionals in the field, am a life coach for teens and creator of the very successful We Are One 1-4-1 program. This all started with less than a dollar in my pocket.

As the years continue and my days in sobriety increase, I have now become the person I had always felt I would be. Gone are those words that others used to describe me—drug addict, thief, broken man. I’ve replaced those words with recording artists, role model, author and professional. And I did it by avoiding the excuses and jumping into learning and exploration — all without a dollar and all without drugs and alcohol. For me it was the only way.

Would you agree that our choices determine our future paths? Choices are ours to make; some might refer to those choices as "free will." Our lives are shaped by every single one of our choices. Even those individuals whom are raised under seemingly disadvantaged circumstances ultimately have a decision to make regarding the path toward their future. People who are not happy with their life have a choice to stay on their current path or make different choices that will move them toward a future they desire. Choices are available for us to make every day. Yet depending on the choices we make they can take us far off from a prosperous road of health and happiness or they may lead us to a blissful existence.

Think about when you took that first drag off that cigarette. Or when you found yourself in that convenience store buying another 6-pack having the choice to purchase and consume these unhealthy and toxic substances. Or think about that time you found yourself participating fully in yet another unhealthy behavior, like an argument with your in-laws or family member. These choices shape us and after a while an unhealthy pattern can emerge if we are not aware.

Our patterns are formed by a series of these decisions, whether conscious or not, and can often be extremely challenging to break. After time we build an emotional dependency or familiarity on these patterns or habits and they can eventually begin to be the only thing that bring us comfort and the relief of stress giving us a false sense that the choices we make are providing comfort and stress relief.

One in 10 of us become addicted, which of course all started from that first choice to participate or not. Denial and excuses begin to set in for those of us that become addicted and we begin to tell ourselves that we must have another drink or smoke in order to continue our day. It becomes a means of survival and then the concept of choice? Well, it's gone. Our destructive choices become sane to us in a sick kind of way and our path of destruction becomes more evident.

The Latin root of the word, "addiction," literally means "to surrender." When we are addicted, we have given our lives, our happiness and ourselves over to our destructive choices. Society labels us and we become convinced that there's nothing that can be done to stop ourselves.

Addiction for me is defined as a state in which the body relies on a substance for normal functioning. Addiction is also known to be a psychological condition based on excessive, obsessive and compulsive actions. Once that regular user crosses the line into addiction the primary concern becomes their substance. Life revolves around the getting, using and finding ways and means to get and use more and there is no difference in the substance of choice once the person becomes addicted.

Occasional or rare use of drugs or alcohol appears to only show short-term effects on the brain and does not change its chemical composition. However repetitive or regular and long term use has a much different effect on our brains. The long term use of alcohol and drugs begins to literally change the chemical makeup of the brain and these neurological changes have a major impact on the way the user thinks and acts. What initially begins as a choice ends in an incurable disease of addiction for that 1 in 10 of us.

Once a user crosses the line of being able to control their use the effects that take place within the brain prevent the user from having the ability to control their substance use. It is possible for the brain to recover from the damages caused by long-term abuse, but that requires long-term abstinence from the use of all mind-altering substances. To begin the healing we have to come to terms with the idea of surrender and realize that we each are personally responsible for our own outcomes.

We have to face our habits head-on and discredit all of the excuses we've ever made regarding our use and seek professional help when needed. We need to choose to reroute our path, our thinking and with commitment and continuous consciousness of every decision that we make; we can decide to change our future and reclaim our lives from addiction.

Image courtesy njaj/freedigitalphotos.net.

I used to be a person who trusted everyone and anyone. If you said something, no matter how unbelievable it was, I believed it. I had faith in your words. Partially, I think that I was naïve in thinking that all others in the world were like me. That seeing someone hurt, hurts and that those that manipulate were nowhere within my inner circle of acquaintances. But over time I have come to realize that this is not how the real world works.

In recovery I have gained more clarity to the actions of those that surround me. My intuition has become intensely accurate and I seem to be ever aware of the unhealthy intentions of others. It’s often disheartening to see how others try to manipulate other individuals with their actions and words and because of this I have become guarded and evasive to even my closest friends at times.

But I don’t want to be.

So who do you trust and why do you trust them? And for those that you do trust, what would it take to undo that trust? Did the person you trust have to earn it or is your trust with them instinctual? Do you trust your boss to do what he promises? Do you trust your manager to have your back? Do you trust your teammates to share the load and the credit?

Courtesy Eastop/stock.xchng.com

Much of our trust for another is acquired through our experiences with an individual’s behaviors. But taking a deeper look I think our ability to trust another person or even a situation begins with what we have perceived from past experiences. For example, if your mother was reliable and fed you when you were hungry and had a loving touch that would never bring about anxiety or suspicion, you learned to trust those individuals and experiences that may seem similar.

On the other hand, if your mother left you crying in the crib because she preferred your older brother, you learned to not trust that you would be cared for by another. These types of experiences during my own early development surrounding betrayal certainly have shaped my specific expectations and because of this I am often and unfairly at times bent toward trusting someone or not trusting them.

Trust in a person, product or situation is a compilation of information and experiences and this data is squeezed through my emotional filter, invisible to the eye of others yet active in every one of my encounters. Sometimes that filter blinds me from danger; sometimes it protects me from it and since finding recovery from substance abuse I have unfortunately seen that I feel much more comfortable being protected.

But again, I don’t want to have to live my life this way. I don’t want to have my guard up or seem evasive in my answers. I don’t like not sharing as much as I want to at times with those I take an interest in. I don’t like having to wait until I see if they pass my internal tests. But for now, I don’t see any other way around it.

The reality is my recovery comes first. I protect it by being careful with whom I share my personal information with because the reality is that I have at times shared too much and have seen that information passed along to others with malicious intent. Whether it was done for personal gain or out of spite it has happened to me and because of this I often carry a shield of protection around me.

But thankfully today there are some individuals in my life that I feel I can share some of my thinking with. I do have close friends, coworkers and family members that I choose to share many of my intimate stories with and am grateful for their trust.

These individuals have inspired me to keep digging within and to keep working on myself and my recovery.

The demands within our educational system are stressed today more than ever. There is so much unpredictability with the economy and in politics that impact school budgets. The amount of teachers losing their jobs and programs being cut is mind-blowing. It seems that the programs   getting cut include those that have been a resource to our kids that need the support to give their best at school. There is talk of combining schools to save districts money. The climate within school districts has changed over the years and some kids now seem to be facing the challenges of increased academic demands and increased outside stressors with fewer resources available for support to move beyond life’s challenges.

School funding issues are affecting education and prevention programs, those very programs that were once a support for kids struggling with substance use disorders and other significant issues. How do we expect that kids will do their best on state tests with fewer resources? Not to mention, these tests’ outcomes have become a major focus within our educational system. Is passing these tests really at the forefront of some of these kids’ mind? Not when they are struggling with their own drug use, or a family member’s drug use, or domestic violence in the home, or depression, or bullying, or poverty in the home, or eating disorders — the list goes on.

These kids that are struggling with real life stressors every day are the reason why we all have to continue our efforts to support and educate our youth about the impact of destructive behaviors and just how far they can take us away from ourselves and our dreams. Our educational system is stressed at the seams and the fall-out comes back on the kids.

The pressure school administrators, teachers and other staff must feel in trying to manage those very things that affect programming and funding must be overwhelming. Realizing their only option is sometimes to cut programs and resources that provide support to kids who really benefit from them and need those supports to do their best in school. What has our society become where we rate our school systems on testing based upon scores without taking into consideration that there are other variables in kids’ lives every day that may impact a test score? I do not envy those working in school’s today with the pressures and limited resources they have to endure while still ensuring our kids are getting a good education.

I heard just recently that a teen passed out from anxiety caused because of the stress in having to memorize information for an upcoming test. And just yesterday I received an email from a parent who was concerned because her son has become so overwhelmed with school that he has started sleepwalking. The more schools I am invited to to share my message comes with even more responses from teens thanking me for sharing my story, for inspiring them, for bringing a message hope. Because of the messages I get after each presentation, I have come to believe that our teens are craving a sense of connection and to experience a sense of hope for their life. That there is a very real need to sometimes put the books and the tests down and create these opportunities for conversations.

I know for me taking state tests when I was in high school was more stressful than productive. It would get to the point that I didn’t care about the testing because I had other things that preoccupied my mind; other things that were way more important to me than some test.

I love going to schools and talking with teens about real life experiences for this very reason. Teensconnect on a personal level to my story because the story is real. Allowing kids an opportunity to connect to a message of finding hope through a storm drives them toward the possibility to see that obstacles are truly opportunities in disguise.

This feedback after each presentation has become a constant source of fuel for me to continue offering thisnot so typicalpresentation format to our youth. I have seen the inspiration and hope that comes from offering a message that targets teens and college age students on issues concerning the practice of personal responsibility and dream catching. They can relate to the stories I share based upon my experience; it’s not facts and figures that I share as much as stories that create dialogue for those crucial conversations and that’s where change happens!

Here is some feedback I received from teens following my presentation. I’m so grateful to have this opportunity to share my experiences, strength and hope to a target population that is starved to find the light towards their destiny.

Thank you for coming to our school and telling us your life stories and showing us some videos. I and a couple of the girls sat there and we were touched. We cried so much because we were touched. It made me realize to help everyone that’s struggling besides the people in your life, help anyone. Your stories were an inspiration to me.

You’ve inspired me to better myself.

Thank you so much for coming to our school and telling us your story. Although you had to experience that, I am glad you are so open to help others and make a difference in communities! I, myself, took every word you said into my heart. You completely changed my ways at life! Thank you so much, and I hope you continue the rest of your life on a wild journey, and god bless you for helping so many people.

Thank you so much for visiting this afternoon. Your stories were really touching. It made me realize that you should always help someone if you see them struggling. Whether it's a major or minor problem. My friends and I were very touched. I appreciate you taking time to visit us and tell us your stories, you really have courage to stand in front of schools and be strong. Thank you for coming!

Thank you Super Star! Your words made such an impact!

Hey Super Star, I just wanted to say good job. I thought your presentation was a lot more real than most presenters we have had in the past. I think you connected with the high school audience much better, too.

I just wanted to say thank you for coming to our school earlier in the week. I really enjoyed it and it was very inspirational and I think it helped a lot of people.

Thank you for coming to our school the other day. The speech you gave was very nice and has penetrated into my heart and was beautiful. Thank you!

Super Star, I can't say I've been through the stuff you have, and I can proudly say that I never will. Many kids in my school can't say the same, because they've succumbed to drugs & addiction. I enjoyed your visit. I will do my best to help anyone who needs it!

In the next 30 days I will be speaking to thousands of students, families and community members in a series of speaking engagements across the East Coast. These presentations are on self-destructive behaviors that include bullying, substance abuse and self-mutilation. I am looking forward to connecting the dots for many families and to answering many of the usual questions it seems many individuals have concerning these related behaviors.

One of the most common questions I receive is “Why couldn’t you just stop using drugs?” This is a question that many have voiced some very strong opinionated answers to. The answer for me was at first difficult to grasp, but as I continue to educate myself about the disease of addiction I have gained more clarity and find that it does make perfect sense.

When my evolution into addiction began, I turned to drugs and alcohol to solve my problems. It was a temporary solution for me to feel better. I felt while using I could deal with life. But as we know, as soon as we stop using the problems we faced still exist. I just woke up in the same world every day feeling weaker and usually with more problems developed from the previous night’s use. So then cycle continued and I would use drugs again to help me avoid the even greater problems I just created. This developed a pattern and my brain was becoming wired to face problems in this way even though I wasn’t really solving any problems at all.

At this point the need for my drugs became obsessive. The problems I created were now beyond my ability to handle and the reality of every situation and challenge I faced became too much unless I had my drugs to help me cope. I felt trapped. All the problems I had initially that I was trying to solve by using drugs or drinking seemed to fade from memory because all my new and larger problems were more significant. I didn’t care anyway; all I could do now was think about using drugs. I lost the ability to control my usage and completely disregarded the consequences of my actions. I sacrificed all my integrity, my relationships with friends and family, my business, depleted my savings account and lost everything else so I could just take one more hit of something. Drugs were the most important thing in my life.

Saying no may have worked for me in the beginning but once my addiction took over, once that pattern I mentioned above began to take shape, it became nearly impossible for me to stop on will power alone. I needed professional help.

The science behind this manifestation in my body is simple. Drugs entered my body and their effects quickly traveled to my brain. Although short-lived, these effects were something I enjoyed and my brain responded by substituting its own internal reward systems with that of the chemical compounds found in my drugs. Couple this with the by-products of drugs metabolizing in my body; well I now had a very serious problem on my hands. My tissues now contained amental reminder of my drugs and when burned off in my cells through stress, strenuous exercise, etc. they were released right back into the bloodstream and headed straight toward my brain, potentially leading to more cravings.

Over the course of time with my addiction I lost most of my natural abilities to handle life’s problems. The new pattern I developed to solve them were the only way I knew how to face the reality of life. I was re-wired to respond differently to offer solutions. My brain receptors were misfiring on false rewards and without an intervention to my thinking, I wouldn’t stop for anything. I became my own worst enemy.

Treatment and professional guidance was my only solution. I needed to be physically removed from my situations and the environmental factors that made it easier for me to get my drugs. I couldn’t say no any longer by myself without someone else saying no for me. Of course it was up to me to make the decision to get clean, which is a critical component that needs to happen to truly embrace recovery.  And for me as others often find, once that decision has been made to stop using, getting professional help is often a must to help rebuild the foundation of our life.

There once was a Cyclops who loved chicken wings. He would eat them daily, sometimes more than once a day. His favorite was buffalo and BBQ and if these tasty flavors were available he'd always order an extra few, including extra sauce.

He found that eating his tasty wings made him feel better. But in reality eating chicken wings to the point of over-indulgence was his way to escape from the feelings he experienced when he was around those two-eyed people who would laugh and poke fun at him. He wanted to hide from those people who saw him as different, people who he would feel miserable and alone in their presence. This is why he ate and ate his chicken wings because he could eat away his feelings of self-loathing and disgust, a masking of his emotions so to speak.

Then one day he went to the doctor as he hadn't been feeling good. The doctor came in the examining room and told him he needed to stop eating chicken wings because they were bad for him. So he promised the doctor he would. However once he left the doctor's office the thought of never having another chicken wing brought on many uncomfortable feelings and he wasn't so sure he could give them up for good.

So he continued to eat and eat his chicken wings until he was full from the top of his head to the bottom of his feet. "There is nothing that is gonna stop me from eating these chicken wings" said the Cyclops to himself. "I feel better when I eat them because then I don't feel that I'm not good enough or feel that I'm different from others."

The bullying that included constant stares and poking fun of from those that would see him would often make him sad. This is when his eating went from not so good to very, Very, VERY, bad.

Photo courtesy of stock.xchng.

Then one day he woke up and went to the restaurant to order more wings for breakfast. He sat down and ordered his buffalo chicken wings with extra sauce and ate and ate some more. Then he looked over at the table next to him, it was then his fate changed and his jaw dropped to the floor.

You see at this table next to him was a group of Cyclops just like him. But sitting at the table was also some of those two-eyed people. They were sitting together eating, talking and laughing. He was puzzled because he couldn't believe there was "mixed" people sitting at the same table and seeming to get along. He sat and pondered for a second and thought to himself, "If I could just muster up enough courage I'd go over there and see if they would talk to me." Little did our Cyclops know that this is the day he would learn a very valuable lesson.

So he made his way from his chair and walked over to table and said "Why are you all so happy? Don't people stare because you don't all look alike? Don't people pick on you because you're different?" And together, all at the same time, the other Cyclops along with the two-eyed people said, "No, we are unique and special, we love ourselves just as we are and we know we have a special purpose in this world. Do you want to sit down and join us? We could get to know each other."

So the Cyclops sat down with the others and just like that he started to notice something different. He wasn't feeling self-conscious. He wasn't feeling less than. He was feeling that he found a place with others who accepted him. He found himself being a part of the conversation and laughing with his new friends. At one point he realized he was so comfortable that he remembered a dream he had a long time ago. It was a vision he had when he was younger where he wanted to be a drummer. And in that split second he could see himself on stage playing drums to some rockin' tunes. He started to see that he too had a purpose in this world and he wanted to live his dream. This was the gift his new friends gave to him and he was filled with gratitude. And you know what? He wasn't feeling hungry for chicken wings anymore!

This is the mission behind our work at We Are One. To promote a culture where individuality is encouraged and respected and where everyone is empowered to be true to themselves. Wishing each of you that are reading this realizes that you too matter in this world and hoping that you see your unique and special gives so you too can live with purpose!

In today's society, it seems like almost anything now is permissible. You see it in much of our culture today. Values have changed and hope seems to be lost. Where did we become blind to the decline? Has this shift in values contributed to seeking things outside of one to fill a void, provide a false sense of wholeness?

I can remember when things were different. Libraries were quiet, theaters didn't have to post a notice to not use cell phones during the movie; that was a given and a sign of respect. We didn't disturb others through loud cell phone conversations and chatter. We actually had more direct communication — one-to-one dialogue with another. There wasn't as much public profanity; movies didn't seem as violent, nor was my Halloween candy rigorously checked when I got home with my bag of trick-or-treats. There wasn't a neighborhood watch in my hometown growing up and there weren't security guards or metal detectors at schools. It just seemed like a more tranquil and honest time. Violence, crime and pornography weren’t in our face and the news of it wasn't as easily accessible as it is in today's fast paced information-based society.

Today there is too much sex in the media. More suggestive movements, and poses and let's not forget the sexually-explicit comments and innuendos rampant through the internet, Facebook and other social media sites. What messages are these sending our young people? Sex and sexuality sells or is what matters? That's how we measure a human being?

We've moved into a society where both parents need to work full time; well when there are both parents in the same home. Not that I'm suggesting that one parent shouldn't work; but now it seems that it's not an option — it is a necessity for financial survival. Our ability to live within our means is a challenge. People seem more stressed and less happy in their jobs. I hear people make comments that "it's hard to get good help" and that "service has declined." When did things change around work ethics? While I understand the financial challenges today, it seems that there is less hope and less focus on personal responsibility and more focus on "what can I get." I remember the days when people did things because it was the right thing to do — helping a neighbor, being kind to others, basically not so self-absorbed.

Crimes have become more violent with less remorse. But I wonder, during the Great Depression did we have this much crime on our streets? Criminals seem to have more rights than police have power. Where did the hope go — caring for another person as if they were our own? Why would someone resort to violent crimes? Are they that angry or unhappy or depressed — are feelings of hopeless more prominent today than of hope for a good life. That's sad.

Our schools seem to be having to focus on more than just education today. It's no wonder 41 percent of the teachers Los Angeles wouldn't chose teaching if starting over. Some teachers even fear for their safety in America’s schools. Was it like this for me growing up? I sure don't remember having to go to school fearing the same things that kids fear today. Take a pill and feel better instantly, get Botox or take this and look young forever — the fast lane or nothing. This is the shift I am seeing in the values of our culture today. Who really is responsible for this change?

We used to value getting ahead through hard work, family, teamwork and most importantly hope for a brighter future. What can we do about the decline?

We should talk less about a day's pay and more about a day's work. We should never disparage menial or blue collar work. It's the way many people make an honest living. In school and at home we could teach work habits and ethics that stress personal responsibility.

We can acknowledge where we have played a part in this, take ownership and then model how success is due to instilling and maintaining traditional values in our society.

Our being blind to the decline in our social values has been simply a long, steady slide into darkness. We did it to ourselves because the focus became outside of ourselves which really isn't any different than why an addict uses, trying to fill a void with something outside of oneself.

Personal responsibility will help us regain hope. Reliability, honesty, good faith, fairness, manners, respect for property, authority, elders and ethics are the rules that I'd like to see resurface. Once that is done then we can recapture our innocence and each live with more peace.

Photo courtesy of stock.xchng.com.

Sobriety was something I used to fear. I would find myself worrying about finally coming face-to-face with who I truly was without the drugs. Would I recognize myself? Would I be strong enough to handle life on life’s terms? Would I like what I saw? The chatter within my head would become all-consuming and was followed with worry and anxiety that quickly turned to fear of what I might see. And I would then find myself returning to substances to quiet those fears that I was so afraid to face. I was terrified of feeling my emotions and found myself scared of what might possibly be waiting around that next corner of life for me. Fear is what crippled me. I lacked the skills to move beyond this thinking that fueled my fears and led me into hibernation, into my den of addiction.

That was until I realized that those very thoughts that led to fear were something I could overcome.  It was the stinkin’ thinking I developed that I could break free from and release the chains that the fear had on me. This became crystal clear to me when I finally walked into the path of something I feared immensely — my recovery from substance use disorder. After all, not using drugs meant having to deal with my emotions and this is something I had worked hard to avoid at all costs. Once I saw the high price I was paying in letting fear become my life partner that wouldn’t let go, I realized it was worth everything I had to eliminate fear from controlling my life.

I have found that fear has always been at the core of what limits me; an anxious feeling of dread or anticipation of unbearable pain. A lot of times fear is “False Expectations Appearing Real” and the things we fear never become a reality. However it’s important to decipher between fear that is real and fear that is perceived based upon our thoughts. That is recognizing when fear is truly a “red flag,” a warning that something may not be right in a given situation.

An example is when you put your hand for the first time on a hot stove. You feel pain, an adrenaline rush, burning, throbbing and the next time you see the stove you feel fear. Your body is reacting to the memory of the past experience. But in learning how to use a stove and not get burned will help to diminish the fear because you practice safety skills in cooking. Yet if it happens again that you touch a hot stove, then it might be “OUCH!” But this time you don’t experience fear, only frustration in realizing you were careless and not aware of your surroundings.

Through understanding and experience we can extinguish fear responses. And we learn to release the hold that fear has on us because for the most part is truly is only our false expectations that we believe to be real. We find that by increasing our skills to face fear we can overcome it.

It’s the same thing that happens when we fear experiences that trigger emotional pain. Do you find yourself in situations that scare you and leave you feeling helpless or hopeless? Do you avoid situations or people because you are afraid of what you might feel? Is your fear rational or is your fear more the reality that you are avoiding facing a certain situation? That’s how fear grips us into flight, fright or freeze, leaving us unable to move beyond it.

Maybe because of things we have witnessed in our lives or things we have learned from the news, the TV or the movies we build scary monsters in our heads. Or we just think so much about something that our minds start to create totally unlikely horror scenarios of what may happen.

I’ve noticed that a large percent of what I worry about never really becomes reality. And when I began to take action against fear, life tended to become easier to face. The once challenging task comes off surprisingly easy if we just step up and take action.

Once we see that fear is fueled by anxiety and worry, it will become easier to see that there are skills, resources and support to help us in learning to live beyond the fear. Stepping out of our comfort zone and building a bigger capacity to feel safety and trust.

So go ahead and build your toolbox of support and resources to face your fear and start living in a world without any of those scary monsters.

Photo courtesy of SXC.com.

How often, when we face fear and troubled times, do we find ourselves to be completely overcome by the emotions? The anxiety and the pain and the worry then become the ruler of our lives. This has been a lesson for me personally and I have seen it play out as an ever-increasing cycle of trouble for others.

It seems like the more we worry, the more emphasis we put on our troubles, the more we try to handle all of it ourselves, the worse it appears to get and that only supports the notion that what we focus on expands. We can experience flight, fright or freeze while our fear increases and our worries consume us. For too many years I let them consume me and control me even further to the point where I couldn't sleep. I would toss and turn all night worrying about the tasks that seemed like burdens that I felt I had been given. And then of course I found solace through drugs or at least that's what I thought. My using became a means to escape what I was feeling and before I knew it, every facet of my life seemed out of control.

From the time I was really young, I used to hide from my fears that I let control me. I would seek comfort being under my bed surrounded by my stuffed animals hiding in the darkness and this always seemed to make everything bearable. As I got older, I would run away and escape via my music. If the music wasn't enough for me I would run to the woods behind our house. Or just outside to our backyard where I would cry with my dog. Or I'd sprint down the street to my friend's house. The fear seemed to disappear, at least for the moment. However, it wasn't until years later that I realized the strong connection between my fears and anxiety and my drug use. The anxiety and fears could never really disappear because I didn't have the skills to face them head on and move beyond them. Instead, they would always come back heavier and I'd feel even more scared and then turn to drugs. And then more drugs. That became a vicious cycle for me.

Despair, discouragement, sadness and depression can affect us all, at any time. And it is this affliction that when it is upon us we can struggle to feel that we can face it; we may even feel completely defeated.

So what do we do about it? When we are down and unable to stand; when we are discouraged and despair enters into our lives it can consume us with sadness and depression or even anger. We need to seek hope because that is where strength comes from. We need to trust that we will overcome the obstacles. We need to have faith that support will be brought into our life to help walk us through it. We need to understand that life's battles are merely a challenge to walk through and that with courage and support we will find a way through them.

One thing during my life's journey has been a constant and it is the knowing that love does exist. It can be found in the smile of my dog and in the whisper of the wind between the branches at night. Love embraces me even when I don't feel it and it is as pure as the icy glaciers. So much hope can be reaped from the love I have found within myself and because of that I walk tall knowing that I am now living the life I was born to live.

My fears don't consume me like they once did because I now have tools to face. I have embraced the understanding that the universe has my back and although I may not know where I am going at times I know that I am on a steady course to fulfilling the destiny that I was born to fulfill.

Photo courtesty of SXC.com

Synthetic marijuana has been available on the market for years now. I recall seeing this synthetic makeup of pot available for purchase behind the counter of smoke shops, gas and convenient stores and online sites around the time of my heroin overdose in late 2006. By 2011, more and more teens and adults were being identified as using this substance, which has been documented in increased ER visits throughout the country.

Because of a family history, Bobbi Kristina Brown was born with a greater risk for a genetic predisposition to substance use disorder. Her parents have had well-known battles with substance abuse and subsequently Bobbi herself has reported a history of substance use. Now the question that everyone’s asking … will the tragic loss of her mom serve as a trigger to further fuel her partying escapades?

Why did I legally change my name to Super Star? I changed my name because I wanted more opportunity to make an initial connection with kids; to get their attention to listen to my message. I was willing to do anything I could to spark someone’s interest concerning substance use disorder, bullying, self-mutilation and dream catching. And well, it’s working.

Anyone who knows me knows that music is one of my passions. While I never bought any of her music and probably never saw any of her videos, the truth is that Whitney Houston had a voice unlike any I have ever heard. I truly admired this woman for her talent each time a song of hers came on the radio. The spirit in her voice was so alive, so happy. But for all of us who suffer from substance use disorder, perceived happiness is often not the reality.

Exercise can be crucial for recovery. Exercising daily has not only strengthened my body and given me confidence, but by adding a vigorous activity to my daily routine, it has also served as a valuable tool to release my mind from destructive thoughts. For me, exercise can mean many different things. Hiking, biking, walking, bowling, taking the dogs to the park or anything else that involves an activity where I am in motion is especially critical for me to maintain a healthy form of recovery.

It’s hard to stay sober when you’re depressed. At least that’s what I found during my long struggle with depression.

Image courtesy of Ohmega1982/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

There are so many heroes amongst us. Some are living, some have moved beyond. But all of them have inspired someone in some way. When I think of heroes I think of teachers, a great parent, someone who has left a positive and everlasting impact on someone else.

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When all hope seems lost, look around for inspiration.

Image credit: piyato/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I can recall going to treatment almost four years ago for my addiction. I had been brought there wearing the same clothes that I had been wearing for a week. As you can imagine, this didn’t make me feel very good about myself. However, all that changed when my brother, Rock Star, offered me one of his brand-new t-shirts to wear while in treatment. That gesture gave me hope and made me feel clean, renewed and refreshed. It turned out to be a turning point for me. That was the day I realized that little things in life could be important in my recovery.

I recruited past and current members from bands, such as Trans-Siberian Orchestra, Kiss, Heart and the Goo Goo Dolls, to help me spread this hope during the recording of the ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT Serenity CD. The message within the music is about finding the strength and the courage to overcome obstacles and support those who may need the encouragement. The journey of creating project, and the music through it, has been one of constant giving from all involved.

Zak Stevens

• Penn’s Landing - Philadelphia, Penn., hosted by PRO-ACT on Saturday, Sept. 24 at 9:00 a.m. Be a participant in the walk, or organize a team for the walk, and then join RSSS for an awe-inspiring performance. For more information go to: www.recoverywalks.org.
• Riverfront Park at the Corning Preserve in Albany, N.Y., hosted by Friends of Recovery-New York on Sunday, Sept. 25 from 10:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. For more information, go to: www.for-ny.org/events.php
• School of the Arts in Rochester, N.Y. hosted by National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence-Rochester Area on Wednesday, Sept. 28 at 7:30 p.m. at the School of the Arts, 45 Prince Street, Rochester. Tickets are $10 each; discount rates available. For more information, please call or e-mail Elaine Alvarado at (585) 719-3481 or ealvarado@depaul.org. Pre-registration is required by 9/21/11 due to limited seating.
• The Intrepid in New York City — RSSS wages a war against drugs on board the Intrepid iat the Behavioral Health Recognition Month event hosted by Talk Therapy TV on Sunday, Oct. 9 from 11:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. For more information go to: www.talktherapytv.org/bhrm.html

Sometimes I wonder why I am still here. Why, after all those years of abuse am I still breathing when so many others aren’t because of this disease?  Just this week I heard news of a 21-year-old from my hometown dying after finally giving sobriety a chance!  That’s the Russian roulette of addiction; one never knows if this disease will take your life or not.

Truth be known, I am afraid of death. I am afraid of it because it’s an unknown. My belief is that there is something magnificently beautiful beyond but right now it’s not anything I’m eager to experience.

I woke up today just as I do every day with gratitude—gratitude that I’m alive and I’m sober. I have been given a gift of life; a second chance to see my dreams come true. I never gave my dreams much of a thought when I was using, but now I see so much that I want to accomplish. The CD Serenity that Rock Star and I wrote and recorded was released last fall and my book, The First 30 Days to Serenity is scheduled for printing this week. In one week, I’ll be presenting to schools in upstate New York, sharing my message of redemption and hope. I never saw those visions during my addiction, let alone believe that I had a purpose in life. But I do now! Yes, I do!

My passion for living is now reinforced by the fact that I don’t want to be remembered as a drug addict, or as a junkie, as I was once referred to as.

I Want to Be Remembered for My Enthusiasm
I want to live my life so I’ll be remembered for my enthusiasm. My lust for recovery and my passion for convincing others that sobriety is something that anyone can have. I want to be remembered as a person who wasn’t afraid to fall in love with himself when he finally realized he wasn’t such a bad guy after all. And finally, I want to be remembered as a man who was able to find redemption when so many others told me it would never be accessible to someone like me, a drug addict.

There is a lot to be done while I am alive and I’m excited today to live the rest of my life!  To see more of my dreams become a reality. Another CD. Another book. Taking the ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR Project message out to the youth and parents of our communities. Rockin’ it out in September during the Rockin’ Recovery Tour!Those are the things I choose to focus on today in my life. I have gratitude and appreciation for this chance I’ve been given; this chance that some never get.  

Always love, always encourage and never let despair get in the way.