My recovery from substance abuse has taken a lot of effort; especially in the early days and months. It took effort in the sense of looking at my character defects, finding the strength to face them and make changes. This last time around, I knew I had to confront these things in order to stay clean. Looking at all those things that I felt and knew were unattractive and then learning to change my behavior so I could move on in my life. For example, I knew I no longer wanted to be the manipulator I became in order to support my addiction, so I took a look at that way of thinking and worked, drudgingly at times, to become more sincere, more honest.

But working on these things weren’t the only thing that I found valuable when focusing on maintaining a life of sobriety. What was just as important to me was looking at all of those dreams that I forgot I had once dreamt; of goals and ideas that I wanted to someday see become a reality.

As I forge ahead with my own dream catching and conveying the importance of living a healthy lifestyle to schools and communities this year I am living out yet another dream of mine. Every time I look into the eyes of a stranger and share my story with them we make a connection. They may sense I am extending a hand to them and see that they are not alone on this journey called life — to make them feel at ease about the sometimes uncomfortable subject of destructive behaviors and to provide them with the message that obstacles are truly opportunities in disguise. For me, doing this was once a dream and now it is a reality.

When I started the ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT initiatives, financially I was broke. After all, I spent all my money on drugs for the better part of 15 years. But I wanted my sobriety and for me that meant pursuing things with a relentless passion because that brought me a sense of purpose and that I found led to more clean time.

I never saw being so broke as a disadvantage with regards to what I wanted to achieve. I saw it as an opportunity. In fact, I saw it as a character strength builder sort of thing. I knew that it was going to take a lot more work to achieve my goals and dreams and because of this I often had to reach deep, extremely deep, within to lean on my own due diligence and resources. At the same time, doing this allowed me to sometimes work indirectly on my character defects even when I didn’t know it. BAM! Talk about getting the most value out of your work!

Writing my book, The First 30 Days to Serenity: The Essential Guide to Staying Sober, took this kind of heart and willingness to push beyond the uncomfortable and using that time to my advantage toward healing. During that time, I learned a lot about structure and compassion for myself as well as others as I typed each and every word. But when I was done with my writing, all the publishers I sent it to firmly rejected those words. It seemed that no one wanted to invest in my story but that didn’t stop me. My dream was to someday walk into a Barnes & Noble book store and see my book on that store shelf. So, without a dollar, I learned the publishing industry and through a series of opportunities, I published it. And just last week I walked into Barnes & Noble and there was my book sitting on the shelf!

The same relentless pursuit was necessary with the ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT Serenity CD, which features members from bands such as Kiss, Heart, The Goo Goo Dolls and more artists. I invested hundreds of hours’ worth of work to finally see its completion and on the store shelves at Hot Topic. From the learning of the programs to creating the artwork, to understanding mastering and producing music, to researching how distribution works and creating websites with code that I just didn’t understand in the beginning and then defining and putting in motion the marketing and promotion of this CD took a lot of courage; not to mention the insurmountable time spent working on videos, crafting emails asking for assistance and time from professionals to help me with the endeavors even though knowing that 99 percent of them would go unanswered. But I never gave up. I never saw anything but the end result within my day-to-day aspirations.

My accomplishments now include far more than creating a book, CD and developing relationships with some of the most prestigious substance abuse related organizations in the country. I am also now a motivational speaker, developed programming for anti-bullying and substance abuse with other professionals in the field, am a life coach for teens and creator of the very successful We Are One 1-4-1 program. This all started with less than a dollar in my pocket.

As the years continue and my days in sobriety increase, I have now become the person I had always felt I would be. Gone are those words that others used to describe me—drug addict, thief, broken man. I’ve replaced those words with recording artists, role model, author and professional. And I did it by avoiding the excuses and jumping into learning and exploration — all without a dollar and all without drugs and alcohol. For me it was the only way.

 

Would you agree that our choices determine our future paths? Choices are ours to make; some might refer to those choices as "free will." Our lives are shaped by every single one of our choices. Even those individuals whom are raised under seemingly disadvantaged circumstances ultimately have a decision to make regarding the path toward their future. People who are not happy with their life have a choice to stay on their current path or make different choices that will move them toward a future they desire. Choices are available for us to make every day. Yet depending on the choices we make they can take us far off from a prosperous road of health and happiness or they may lead us to a blissful existence.

Think about when you took that first drag off that cigarette. Or when you found yourself in that convenience store buying another 6-pack having the choice to purchase and consume these unhealthy and toxic substances. Or think about that time you found yourself participating fully in yet another unhealthy behavior, like an argument with your in-laws or family member. These choices shape us and after a while an unhealthy pattern can emerge if we are not aware.

Our patterns are formed by a series of these decisions, whether conscious or not, and can often be extremely challenging to break. After time we build an emotional dependency or familiarity on these patterns or habits and they can eventually begin to be the only thing that bring us comfort and the relief of stress giving us a false sense that the choices we make are providing comfort and stress relief.

One in 10 of us become addicted, which of course all started from that first choice to participate or not. Denial and excuses begin to set in for those of us that become addicted and we begin to tell ourselves that we must have another drink or smoke in order to continue our day. It becomes a means of survival and then the concept of choice? Well, it's gone. Our destructive choices become sane to us in a sick kind of way and our path of destruction becomes more evident.

The Latin root of the word, "addiction," literally means "to surrender." When we are addicted, we have given our lives, our happiness and ourselves over to our destructive choices. Society labels us and we become convinced that there's nothing that can be done to stop ourselves.

Addiction for me is defined as a state in which the body relies on a substance for normal functioning. Addiction is also known to be a psychological condition based on excessive, obsessive and compulsive actions. Once that regular user crosses the line into addiction the primary concern becomes their substance. Life revolves around the getting, using and finding ways and means to get and use more and there is no difference in the substance of choice once the person becomes addicted.

Occasional or rare use of drugs or alcohol appears to only show short-term effects on the brain and does not change its chemical composition. However repetitive or regular and long term use has a much different effect on our brains. The long term use of alcohol and drugs begins to literally change the chemical makeup of the brain and these neurological changes have a major impact on the way the user thinks and acts. What initially begins as a choice ends in an incurable disease of addiction for that 1 in 10 of us.

Once a user crosses the line of being able to control their use the effects that take place within the brain prevent the user from having the ability to control their substance use. It is possible for the brain to recover from the damages caused by long-term abuse, but that requires long-term abstinence from the use of all mind-altering substances. To begin the healing we have to come to terms with the idea of surrender and realize that we each are personally responsible for our own outcomes.

We have to face our habits head-on and discredit all of the excuses we've ever made regarding our use and seek professional help when needed. We need to choose to reroute our path, our thinking and with commitment and continuous consciousness of every decision that we make; we can decide to change our future and reclaim our lives from addiction.

Image courtesy njaj/freedigitalphotos.net.

I used to be a person who trusted everyone and anyone. If you said something, no matter how unbelievable it was, I believed it. I had faith in your words. Partially, I think that I was naïve in thinking that all others in the world were like me. That seeing someone hurt, hurts and that those that manipulate were nowhere within my inner circle of acquaintances. But over time I have come to realize that this is not how the real world works.

In recovery I have gained more clarity to the actions of those that surround me. My intuition has become intensely accurate and I seem to be ever aware of the unhealthy intentions of others. It’s often disheartening to see how others try to manipulate other individuals with their actions and words and because of this I have become guarded and evasive to even my closest friends at times.

But I don’t want to be.

So who do you trust and why do you trust them? And for those that you do trust, what would it take to undo that trust? Did the person you trust have to earn it or is your trust with them instinctual? Do you trust your boss to do what he promises? Do you trust your manager to have your back? Do you trust your teammates to share the load and the credit?

Courtesy Eastop/stock.xchng.com

Much of our trust for another is acquired through our experiences with an individual’s behaviors. But taking a deeper look I think our ability to trust another person or even a situation begins with what we have perceived from past experiences. For example, if your mother was reliable and fed you when you were hungry and had a loving touch that would never bring about anxiety or suspicion, you learned to trust those individuals and experiences that may seem similar.

On the other hand, if your mother left you crying in the crib because she preferred your older brother, you learned to not trust that you would be cared for by another. These types of experiences during my own early development surrounding betrayal certainly have shaped my specific expectations and because of this I am often and unfairly at times bent toward trusting someone or not trusting them.

Trust in a person, product or situation is a compilation of information and experiences and this data is squeezed through my emotional filter, invisible to the eye of others yet active in every one of my encounters. Sometimes that filter blinds me from danger; sometimes it protects me from it and since finding recovery from substance abuse I have unfortunately seen that I feel much more comfortable being protected.

But again, I don’t want to have to live my life this way. I don’t want to have my guard up or seem evasive in my answers. I don’t like not sharing as much as I want to at times with those I take an interest in. I don’t like having to wait until I see if they pass my internal tests. But for now, I don’t see any other way around it.

The reality is my recovery comes first. I protect it by being careful with whom I share my personal information with because the reality is that I have at times shared too much and have seen that information passed along to others with malicious intent. Whether it was done for personal gain or out of spite it has happened to me and because of this I often carry a shield of protection around me.

But thankfully today there are some individuals in my life that I feel I can share some of my thinking with. I do have close friends, coworkers and family members that I choose to share many of my intimate stories with and am grateful for their trust.

These individuals have inspired me to keep digging within and to keep working on myself and my recovery.

 

The demands within our educational system are stressed today more than ever. There is so much unpredictability with the economy and in politics that impact school budgets. The amount of teachers losing their jobs and programs being cut is mind-blowing. It seems that the programs   getting cut include those that have been a resource to our kids that need the support to give their best at school. There is talk of combining schools to save districts money. The climate within school districts has changed over the years and some kids now seem to be facing the challenges of increased academic demands and increased outside stressors with fewer resources available for support to move beyond life’s challenges.

School funding issues are affecting education and prevention programs, those very programs that were once a support for kids struggling with substance use disorders and other significant issues. How do we expect that kids will do their best on state tests with fewer resources? Not to mention, these tests’ outcomes have become a major focus within our educational system. Is passing these tests really at the forefront of some of these kids’ mind? Not when they are struggling with their own drug use, or a family member’s drug use, or domestic violence in the home, or depression, or bullying, or poverty in the home, or eating disorders — the list goes on.

These kids that are struggling with real life stressors every day are the reason why we all have to continue our efforts to support and educate our youth about the impact of destructive behaviors and just how far they can take us away from ourselves and our dreams. Our educational system is stressed at the seams and the fall-out comes back on the kids.

The pressure school administrators, teachers and other staff must feel in trying to manage those very things that affect programming and funding must be overwhelming. Realizing their only option is sometimes to cut programs and resources that provide support to kids who really benefit from them and need those supports to do their best in school. What has our society become where we rate our school systems on testing based upon scores without taking into consideration that there are other variables in kids’ lives every day that may impact a test score? I do not envy those working in school’s today with the pressures and limited resources they have to endure while still ensuring our kids are getting a good education.

I heard just recently that a teen passed out from anxiety caused because of the stress in having to memorize information for an upcoming test. And just yesterday I received an email from a parent who was concerned because her son has become so overwhelmed with school that he has started sleepwalking. The more schools I am invited to to share my message comes with even more responses from teens thanking me for sharing my story, for inspiring them, for bringing a message hope. Because of the messages I get after each presentation, I have come to believe that our teens are craving a sense of connection and to experience a sense of hope for their life. That there is a very real need to sometimes put the books and the tests down and create these opportunities for conversations.

I know for me taking state tests when I was in high school was more stressful than productive. It would get to the point that I didn’t care about the testing because I had other things that preoccupied my mind; other things that were way more important to me than some test.

I love going to schools and talking with teens about real life experiences for this very reason. Teensconnect on a personal level to my story because the story is real. Allowing kids an opportunity to connect to a message of finding hope through a storm drives them toward the possibility to see that obstacles are truly opportunities in disguise.

This feedback after each presentation has become a constant source of fuel for me to continue offering thisnot so typicalpresentation format to our youth. I have seen the inspiration and hope that comes from offering a message that targets teens and college age students on issues concerning the practice of personal responsibility and dream catching. They can relate to the stories I share based upon my experience; it’s not facts and figures that I share as much as stories that create dialogue for those crucial conversations and that’s where change happens!

Here is some feedback I received from teens following my presentation. I’m so grateful to have this opportunity to share my experiences, strength and hope to a target population that is starved to find the light towards their destiny.

Thank you for coming to our school and telling us your life stories and showing us some videos. I and a couple of the girls sat there and we were touched. We cried so much because we were touched. It made me realize to help everyone that’s struggling besides the people in your life, help anyone. Your stories were an inspiration to me.

You’ve inspired me to better myself.

Thank you so much for coming to our school and telling us your story. Although you had to experience that, I am glad you are so open to help others and make a difference in communities! I, myself, took every word you said into my heart. You completely changed my ways at life! Thank you so much, and I hope you continue the rest of your life on a wild journey, and god bless you for helping so many people.

Thank you so much for visiting this afternoon. Your stories were really touching. It made me realize that you should always help someone if you see them struggling. Whether it's a major or minor problem. My friends and I were very touched. I appreciate you taking time to visit us and tell us your stories, you really have courage to stand in front of schools and be strong. Thank you for coming!

Thank you Super Star! Your words made such an impact!

Hey Super Star, I just wanted to say good job. I thought your presentation was a lot more real than most presenters we have had in the past. I think you connected with the high school audience much better, too.

I just wanted to say thank you for coming to our school earlier in the week. I really enjoyed it and it was very inspirational and I think it helped a lot of people.

Thank you for coming to our school the other day. The speech you gave was very nice and has penetrated into my heart and was beautiful. Thank you!

Super Star, I can't say I've been through the stuff you have, and I can proudly say that I never will. Many kids in my school can't say the same, because they've succumbed to drugs & addiction. I enjoyed your visit. I will do my best to help anyone who needs it!

 

In the next 30 days I will be speaking to thousands of students, families and community members in a series of speaking engagements across the East Coast. These presentations are on self-destructive behaviors that include bullying, substance abuse and self-mutilation. I am looking forward to connecting the dots for many families and to answering many of the usual questions it seems many individuals have concerning these related behaviors.

One of the most common questions I receive is “Why couldn’t you just stop using drugs?” This is a question that many have voiced some very strong opinionated answers to. The answer for me was at first difficult to grasp, but as I continue to educate myself about the disease of addiction I have gained more clarity and find that it does make perfect sense.

When my evolution into addiction began, I turned to drugs and alcohol to solve my problems. It was a temporary solution for me to feel better. I felt while using I could deal with life. But as we know, as soon as we stop using the problems we faced still exist. I just woke up in the same world every day feeling weaker and usually with more problems developed from the previous night’s use. So then cycle continued and I would use drugs again to help me avoid the even greater problems I just created. This developed a pattern and my brain was becoming wired to face problems in this way even though I wasn’t really solving any problems at all.

At this point the need for my drugs became obsessive. The problems I created were now beyond my ability to handle and the reality of every situation and challenge I faced became too much unless I had my drugs to help me cope. I felt trapped. All the problems I had initially that I was trying to solve by using drugs or drinking seemed to fade from memory because all my new and larger problems were more significant. I didn’t care anyway; all I could do now was think about using drugs. I lost the ability to control my usage and completely disregarded the consequences of my actions. I sacrificed all my integrity, my relationships with friends and family, my business, depleted my savings account and lost everything else so I could just take one more hit of something. Drugs were the most important thing in my life.

Saying no may have worked for me in the beginning but once my addiction took over, once that pattern I mentioned above began to take shape, it became nearly impossible for me to stop on will power alone. I needed professional help.

The science behind this manifestation in my body is simple. Drugs entered my body and their effects quickly traveled to my brain. Although short-lived, these effects were something I enjoyed and my brain responded by substituting its own internal reward systems with that of the chemical compounds found in my drugs. Couple this with the by-products of drugs metabolizing in my body; well I now had a very serious problem on my hands. My tissues now contained amental reminder of my drugs and when burned off in my cells through stress, strenuous exercise, etc. they were released right back into the bloodstream and headed straight toward my brain, potentially leading to more cravings.

Over the course of time with my addiction I lost most of my natural abilities to handle life’s problems. The new pattern I developed to solve them were the only way I knew how to face the reality of life. I was re-wired to respond differently to offer solutions. My brain receptors were misfiring on false rewards and without an intervention to my thinking, I wouldn’t stop for anything. I became my own worst enemy.

Treatment and professional guidance was my only solution. I needed to be physically removed from my situations and the environmental factors that made it easier for me to get my drugs. I couldn’t say no any longer by myself without someone else saying no for me. Of course it was up to me to make the decision to get clean, which is a critical component that needs to happen to truly embrace recovery.  And for me as others often find, once that decision has been made to stop using, getting professional help is often a must to help rebuild the foundation of our life.

 

There once was a Cyclops who loved chicken wings. He would eat them daily, sometimes more than once a day. His favorite was buffalo and BBQ and if these tasty flavors were available he'd always order an extra few, including extra sauce.

He found that eating his tasty wings made him feel better. But in reality eating chicken wings to the point of over-indulgence was his way to escape from the feelings he experienced when he was around those two-eyed people who would laugh and poke fun at him. He wanted to hide from those people who saw him as different, people who he would feel miserable and alone in their presence. This is why he ate and ate his chicken wings because he could eat away his feelings of self-loathing and disgust, a masking of his emotions so to speak.

Then one day he went to the doctor as he hadn't been feeling good. The doctor came in the examining room and told him he needed to stop eating chicken wings because they were bad for him. So he promised the doctor he would. However once he left the doctor's office the thought of never having another chicken wing brought on many uncomfortable feelings and he wasn't so sure he could give them up for good.

So he continued to eat and eat his chicken wings until he was full from the top of his head to the bottom of his feet. "There is nothing that is gonna stop me from eating these chicken wings" said the Cyclops to himself. "I feel better when I eat them because then I don't feel that I'm not good enough or feel that I'm different from others."

The bullying that included constant stares and poking fun of from those that would see him would often make him sad. This is when his eating went from not so good to very, Very, VERY, bad.

Photo courtesy of stock.xchng.

Then one day he woke up and went to the restaurant to order more wings for breakfast. He sat down and ordered his buffalo chicken wings with extra sauce and ate and ate some more. Then he looked over at the table next to him, it was then his fate changed and his jaw dropped to the floor.

You see at this table next to him was a group of Cyclops just like him. But sitting at the table was also some of those two-eyed people. They were sitting together eating, talking and laughing. He was puzzled because he couldn't believe there was "mixed" people sitting at the same table and seeming to get along. He sat and pondered for a second and thought to himself, "If I could just muster up enough courage I'd go over there and see if they would talk to me." Little did our Cyclops know that this is the day he would learn a very valuable lesson.

So he made his way from his chair and walked over to table and said "Why are you all so happy? Don't people stare because you don't all look alike? Don't people pick on you because you're different?" And together, all at the same time, the other Cyclops along with the two-eyed people said, "No, we are unique and special, we love ourselves just as we are and we know we have a special purpose in this world. Do you want to sit down and join us? We could get to know each other."

So the Cyclops sat down with the others and just like that he started to notice something different. He wasn't feeling self-conscious. He wasn't feeling less than. He was feeling that he found a place with others who accepted him. He found himself being a part of the conversation and laughing with his new friends. At one point he realized he was so comfortable that he remembered a dream he had a long time ago. It was a vision he had when he was younger where he wanted to be a drummer. And in that split second he could see himself on stage playing drums to some rockin' tunes. He started to see that he too had a purpose in this world and he wanted to live his dream. This was the gift his new friends gave to him and he was filled with gratitude. And you know what? He wasn't feeling hungry for chicken wings anymore!

This is the mission behind our work at We Are One. To promote a culture where individuality is encouraged and respected and where everyone is empowered to be true to themselves. Wishing each of you that are reading this realizes that you too matter in this world and hoping that you see your unique and special gives so you too can live with purpose!

In today's society, it seems like almost anything now is permissible. You see it in much of our culture today. Values have changed and hope seems to be lost. Where did we become blind to the decline? Has this shift in values contributed to seeking things outside of one to fill a void, provide a false sense of wholeness?

I can remember when things were different. Libraries were quiet, theaters didn't have to post a notice to not use cell phones during the movie; that was a given and a sign of respect. We didn't disturb others through loud cell phone conversations and chatter. We actually had more direct communication — one-to-one dialogue with another. There wasn't as much public profanity; movies didn't seem as violent, nor was my Halloween candy rigorously checked when I got home with my bag of trick-or-treats. There wasn't a neighborhood watch in my hometown growing up and there weren't security guards or metal detectors at schools. It just seemed like a more tranquil and honest time. Violence, crime and pornography weren’t in our face and the news of it wasn't as easily accessible as it is in today's fast paced information-based society.

Today there is too much sex in the media. More suggestive movements, and poses and let's not forget the sexually-explicit comments and innuendos rampant through the internet, Facebook and other social media sites. What messages are these sending our young people? Sex and sexuality sells or is what matters? That's how we measure a human being?

We've moved into a society where both parents need to work full time; well when there are both parents in the same home. Not that I'm suggesting that one parent shouldn't work; but now it seems that it's not an option — it is a necessity for financial survival. Our ability to live within our means is a challenge. People seem more stressed and less happy in their jobs. I hear people make comments that "it's hard to get good help" and that "service has declined." When did things change around work ethics? While I understand the financial challenges today, it seems that there is less hope and less focus on personal responsibility and more focus on "what can I get." I remember the days when people did things because it was the right thing to do — helping a neighbor, being kind to others, basically not so self-absorbed.

Crimes have become more violent with less remorse. But I wonder, during the Great Depression did we have this much crime on our streets? Criminals seem to have more rights than police have power. Where did the hope go — caring for another person as if they were our own? Why would someone resort to violent crimes? Are they that angry or unhappy or depressed — are feelings of hopeless more prominent today than of hope for a good life. That's sad.

Our schools seem to be having to focus on more than just education today. It's no wonder 41 percent of the teachers Los Angeles wouldn't chose teaching if starting over. Some teachers even fear for their safety in America’s schools. Was it like this for me growing up? I sure don't remember having to go to school fearing the same things that kids fear today. Take a pill and feel better instantly, get Botox or take this and look young forever — the fast lane or nothing. This is the shift I am seeing in the values of our culture today. Who really is responsible for this change?

We used to value getting ahead through hard work, family, teamwork and most importantly hope for a brighter future. What can we do about the decline?

We should talk less about a day's pay and more about a day's work. We should never disparage menial or blue collar work. It's the way many people make an honest living. In school and at home we could teach work habits and ethics that stress personal responsibility.

We can acknowledge where we have played a part in this, take ownership and then model how success is due to instilling and maintaining traditional values in our society.

Our being blind to the decline in our social values has been simply a long, steady slide into darkness. We did it to ourselves because the focus became outside of ourselves which really isn't any different than why an addict uses, trying to fill a void with something outside of oneself.

Personal responsibility will help us regain hope. Reliability, honesty, good faith, fairness, manners, respect for property, authority, elders and ethics are the rules that I'd like to see resurface. Once that is done then we can recapture our innocence and each live with more peace.

Photo courtesy of stock.xchng.com.

 

Sobriety was something I used to fear. I would find myself worrying about finally coming face-to-face with who I truly was without the drugs. Would I recognize myself? Would I be strong enough to handle life on life’s terms? Would I like what I saw? The chatter within my head would become all-consuming and was followed with worry and anxiety that quickly turned to fear of what I might see. And I would then find myself returning to substances to quiet those fears that I was so afraid to face. I was terrified of feeling my emotions and found myself scared of what might possibly be waiting around that next corner of life for me. Fear is what crippled me. I lacked the skills to move beyond this thinking that fueled my fears and led me into hibernation, into my den of addiction.

That was until I realized that those very thoughts that led to fear were something I could overcome.  It was the stinkin’ thinking I developed that I could break free from and release the chains that the fear had on me. This became crystal clear to me when I finally walked into the path of something I feared immensely — my recovery from substance use disorder. After all, not using drugs meant having to deal with my emotions and this is something I had worked hard to avoid at all costs. Once I saw the high price I was paying in letting fear become my life partner that wouldn’t let go, I realized it was worth everything I had to eliminate fear from controlling my life.

I have found that fear has always been at the core of what limits me; an anxious feeling of dread or anticipation of unbearable pain. A lot of times fear is “False Expectations Appearing Real” and the things we fear never become a reality. However it’s important to decipher between fear that is real and fear that is perceived based upon our thoughts. That is recognizing when fear is truly a “red flag,” a warning that something may not be right in a given situation.

An example is when you put your hand for the first time on a hot stove. You feel pain, an adrenaline rush, burning, throbbing and the next time you see the stove you feel fear. Your body is reacting to the memory of the past experience. But in learning how to use a stove and not get burned will help to diminish the fear because you practice safety skills in cooking. Yet if it happens again that you touch a hot stove, then it might be “OUCH!” But this time you don’t experience fear, only frustration in realizing you were careless and not aware of your surroundings.

Through understanding and experience we can extinguish fear responses. And we learn to release the hold that fear has on us because for the most part is truly is only our false expectations that we believe to be real. We find that by increasing our skills to face fear we can overcome it.

It’s the same thing that happens when we fear experiences that trigger emotional pain. Do you find yourself in situations that scare you and leave you feeling helpless or hopeless? Do you avoid situations or people because you are afraid of what you might feel? Is your fear rational or is your fear more the reality that you are avoiding facing a certain situation? That’s how fear grips us into flight, fright or freeze, leaving us unable to move beyond it.

Maybe because of things we have witnessed in our lives or things we have learned from the news, the TV or the movies we build scary monsters in our heads. Or we just think so much about something that our minds start to create totally unlikely horror scenarios of what may happen.

I’ve noticed that a large percent of what I worry about never really becomes reality. And when I began to take action against fear, life tended to become easier to face. The once challenging task comes off surprisingly easy if we just step up and take action.

Once we see that fear is fueled by anxiety and worry, it will become easier to see that there are skills, resources and support to help us in learning to live beyond the fear. Stepping out of our comfort zone and building a bigger capacity to feel safety and trust.

So go ahead and build your toolbox of support and resources to face your fear and start living in a world without any of those scary monsters.

Photo courtesy of SXC.com.

How often, when we face fear and troubled times, do we find ourselves to be completely overcome by the emotions? The anxiety and the pain and the worry then become the ruler of our lives. This has been a lesson for me personally and I have seen it play out as an ever-increasing cycle of trouble for others.

It seems like the more we worry, the more emphasis we put on our troubles, the more we try to handle all of it ourselves, the worse it appears to get and that only supports the notion that what we focus on expands. We can experience flight, fright or freeze while our fear increases and our worries consume us. For too many years I let them consume me and control me even further to the point where I couldn't sleep. I would toss and turn all night worrying about the tasks that seemed like burdens that I felt I had been given. And then of course I found solace through drugs or at least that's what I thought. My using became a means to escape what I was feeling and before I knew it, every facet of my life seemed out of control.

From the time I was really young, I used to hide from my fears that I let control me. I would seek comfort being under my bed surrounded by my stuffed animals hiding in the darkness and this always seemed to make everything bearable. As I got older, I would run away and escape via my music. If the music wasn't enough for me I would run to the woods behind our house. Or just outside to our backyard where I would cry with my dog. Or I'd sprint down the street to my friend's house. The fear seemed to disappear, at least for the moment. However, it wasn't until years later that I realized the strong connection between my fears and anxiety and my drug use. The anxiety and fears could never really disappear because I didn't have the skills to face them head on and move beyond them. Instead, they would always come back heavier and I'd feel even more scared and then turn to drugs. And then more drugs. That became a vicious cycle for me.

Despair, discouragement, sadness and depression can affect us all, at any time. And it is this affliction that when it is upon us we can struggle to feel that we can face it; we may even feel completely defeated.

So what do we do about it? When we are down and unable to stand; when we are discouraged and despair enters into our lives it can consume us with sadness and depression or even anger. We need to seek hope because that is where strength comes from. We need to trust that we will overcome the obstacles. We need to have faith that support will be brought into our life to help walk us through it. We need to understand that life's battles are merely a challenge to walk through and that with courage and support we will find a way through them.

One thing during my life's journey has been a constant and it is the knowing that love does exist. It can be found in the smile of my dog and in the whisper of the wind between the branches at night. Love embraces me even when I don't feel it and it is as pure as the icy glaciers. So much hope can be reaped from the love I have found within myself and because of that I walk tall knowing that I am now living the life I was born to live.

My fears don't consume me like they once did because I now have tools to face. I have embraced the understanding that the universe has my back and although I may not know where I am going at times I know that I am on a steady course to fulfilling the destiny that I was born to fulfill.

Photo courtesty of SXC.com

Synthetic marijuana has been available on the market for years now. I recall seeing this synthetic makeup of pot available for purchase behind the counter of smoke shops, gas and convenient stores and online sites around the time of my heroin overdose in late 2006. By 2011, more and more teens and adults were being identified as using this substance, which has been documented in increased ER visits throughout the country.

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Because of a family history, Bobbi Kristina Brown was born with a greater risk for a genetic predisposition to substance use disorder. Her parents have had well-known battles with substance abuse and subsequently Bobbi herself has reported a history of substance use. Now the question that everyone’s asking … will the tragic loss of her mom serve as a trigger to further fuel her partying escapades?

Why did I legally change my name to Super Star? I changed my name because I wanted more opportunity to make an initial connection with kids; to get their attention to listen to my message. I was willing to do anything I could to spark someone’s interest concerning substance use disorder, bullying, self-mutilation and dream catching. And well, it’s working.

Anyone who knows me knows that music is one of my passions. While I never bought any of her music and probably never saw any of her videos, the truth is that Whitney Houston had a voice unlike any I have ever heard. I truly admired this woman for her talent each time a song of hers came on the radio. The spirit in her voice was so alive, so happy. But for all of us who suffer from substance use disorder, perceived happiness is often not the reality.

Exercise can be crucial for recovery. Exercising daily has not only strengthened my body and given me confidence, but by adding a vigorous activity to my daily routine, it has also served as a valuable tool to release my mind from destructive thoughts. For me, exercise can mean many different things. Hiking, biking, walking, bowling, taking the dogs to the park or anything else that involves an activity where I am in motion is especially critical for me to maintain a healthy form of recovery.

It’s hard to stay sober when you’re depressed. At least that’s what I found during my long struggle with depression.

Image courtesy of Ohmega1982/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

There are so many heroes amongst us. Some are living, some have moved beyond. But all of them have inspired someone in some way. When I think of heroes I think of teachers, a great parent, someone who has left a positive and everlasting impact on someone else.

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When all hope seems lost, look around for inspiration.

Image credit: piyato/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

I can recall going to treatment almost four years ago for my addiction. I had been brought there wearing the same clothes that I had been wearing for a week. As you can imagine, this didn’t make me feel very good about myself. However, all that changed when my brother, Rock Star, offered me one of his brand-new t-shirts to wear while in treatment. That gesture gave me hope and made me feel clean, renewed and refreshed. It turned out to be a turning point for me. That was the day I realized that little things in life could be important in my recovery.

The following is an excerpt from the book I wrote titled, The First 30 Days to Serenity. It is a look at the feelings and emotions that one can experience, especially in the early stage of recovery. It was difficult to write, yet healing at the same time. And I am hoping that by sharing my vulnerabilities and experiences during those moments, someone else will find strength to conquer another day sober. It was also written for those struggling to understand addiction so that they can better possibly have insight into this disease that is fueled by stinkin' thinkin’. As much as alcohol and drug addiction is a disease that affects the mind and body, it also is a disease that affects the whole family. One family member with drinking or drug problems means the whole family can suffer. So for those who think addiction is contained to the individual, with the family playing merely a support role, it should be made clear that addiction is a family problem. It impacts the stability of the home, the family's unity, metal health, physical health and overall family dynamic. And the family dynamic will gradually unravel unless its members get the help and support they each need. For You, for Me and as a Goodbye to Dependence on Drugs and Alcohol Day 2 It's almost 1 p.m. when I wake. Last night's late arrival made a great excuse for me to sleep in. I open my eyes to see my girlfriend. She is still tired from waiting up for me. I get up and decide the first thing I need to do is call my brother to assess yesterday's damage. I need to know how he's feeling. I want to know what transpired after I left. This call holds nothing but sheer misery for me, but I can't go forward until I know where I stand. I'm banking on him not answering. He is probably still upset. I know I am. How could I have done this? I already miss him. I'm so very remorseful. I pick up the phone to call, and I was right. He doesn't answer. It's doubtful that it's because he's still sleeping. It's a choice; the same one I'd most   Like all addicts, I'm crafty when I need to be  likely make if I were him and he were me. I don't leave a voice mail. I'll just send him a text, wait it out, and hope for some sort of reply. I'm hanging on to any shred of hope that perhaps he's not as upset as I am thinking he is. Let's be honest, this way I can see if I can manipulate my way back to California. I don't know how I can do that, but like all addicts, I'm crafty when I need to be and my only hope is for him to call back soon. I have questions that I feel need to be answered. No, I actually demand that they be answered. If they're not, I'll allow them to ruin my day, because that's what I always do. My self-pity is a game that has to stop, but it's easier said than done. As much as I have the desire and willingness to take responsibility for my actions, I still find it difficult. It's just so much easier to place the blame elsewhere. My addictive personality drives me straight here because of the damage my poor brain has endured from the drugs. I'm fine-tuned now to always search for the easy way out, an escape route that leaves me the possibility that I could go out and do more drugs. Shit, I know this, and in a few weeks I'll hopefully be back to that place where my thoughts can be handled differently and effectively. I'm struggling, and with it comes the distracting thinking that allows room for nothing other than wondering what the hell my brother must be thinking at this very moment. And that isn't good. As much as I need to be reviewing and pondering the whirlwind of doom that I just created for myself and others, I also need to be fighting the grip of this addiction. Being this way always pulls me back and into a downward spiral, straight into another relapse. It's a fine line to walk. I know it's necessary to feel this remorse, but it's also important that I stay positive and in the moment. It's in this moment, right now, that I can begin the rebuilding process. If I concentrate and remain too much in the past, I'll never get to that place I need to be. This sobriety is a horse, and it's essential that I once again learn how to ride it. But right now, in this moment, I'm not that strong. My thinking goes back to the many questions: Can this damage I have caused ever be undone? How long will I be here? I know Cindi said it would just be for a few days, but now 24 hours down the line, is this still what she is thinking? Would she want me to stay here longer? And if she does, do I have the right to demand my clothes be shipped to me? God damn it! Why didn't my brother answer the phone? I want my questions answered now. Trust me, I am aware of how amazingly selfish I am being, but I don't even care. This is how I always feel the day after I relapse—poor me and screw everyone else. My moment of clarity has been lost. Can't anyone see that I'm the victim here? The grip from the drugs is far too powerful for me to escape at this weak and weary moment. I'm knee deep in my illusions, thinking that placing the blame on anyone else right now is completely acceptable. It's this poor me attitude that clearly proves my disease is looking for any way out right now. Any excuse I can find to go back out and use will be taken seriously. My disease seems to whisper, "It can't get any worse right now anyway." However, something makes me stop. Reality-check time. I snap back into the moment. Thank God I am aware that it can get worse and it surely will if I decide to pick up that crack pipe again, just like it has gotten worse each and every time I've lost a hand against this formidable opponent. I have to get up and out of bed, stomp out these feelings of selfishness and somehow shake my woe is me attitude. I have to focus on today, right now, in this moment. My brother will call later. If he doesn't, he'll call tomorrow. And if he doesn't, of course I know I have the ability to call him. My girlfriend works for her dad almost every day. She tells me that she has no choice but to go to work this evening and I instantly feel the fear creep in. Is she really going   The hardest moments for an addict are always this darkness that blocks the way of the dawn to allow me to stay home alone right now? I know she's not my keeper, but couldn't she put off work for one day to make sure I'm all right and hug and console me when I need hugs and consoling? I don't expect her to miss work, but it's beyond difficult to maneuver the early days after a relapse all alone. I feel so badly about myself. So horrible. So worthless. The hardest moments for an addict are always this darkness that blocks the way of the dawn. I know Amanda wants nothing more than to help me. At the same time I know that from her perspective, showing even the slightest ounce of co-dependency or enabling on her part would be more detrimental to me and my recovery in the long run, so it's best that she goes to work. My past experiences have shown me that I would use this for malicious and manipulating purposes anyway which just leads back to that grueling, gripping place scattered with relapse and addiction. However, a hug before she leaves would sure be nice. I'll be okay. I'll use this time to reach out and make some phone calls to my friends back in California because even their long distance connection will help right now. But in a flash my feelings change. They always do. I'm an addict and like most addicts we can change the way we feel in an instant. It's a warped and twisted coping mechanism but even so I suddenly look forward to this evening alone. I feel strong in the fact that I've had no cravings this afternoon and even if I did, I'd have no way to leave the house. Amanda has the car and let's not forget that I gave her the money in my wallet last night and I'm damn glad that I did. In an odd way I feel blessed. The other night's relapse hadn't happened in order for me to fulfill any cravings that I may have been having, because in reality I hadn't had any in quite some time. I got high just for the sake of getting high; that gnarled desire to get fucked up. I didn't want to be sober; it was so hard to be sober. I wanted to cope the easy way, the way that would get me through the day and through whatever feelings I was trying to cover. I'm never sure what feelings and emotions I'm running away from, but ultimately, that's the essence of why I do drugs, therefore it has to be for that reason and that reason alone. Doing drugs is no longer for fun or recreation. It's my medicine and the other night I needed it. But what kind of moron takes medicine that can kill you in an instant? An addicted one, that's who. Despite the fact that I recently stopped working as a computer consultant (a job I never enjoyed) to start new ventures that I did enjoy and was living in Malibu, California, which I adore, I still found myself running away from something. But what? My rent was paid, my food bought for me and my designer clothes were given to me for free by my brother. Success in whatever I was ultimately going to end up doing for a living was eminent. After all, I was living in the entertainment capital of the world. What else could someone ask for? We know we're going to get caught sooner or later. We want to be caught. We want help. As obvious as it sounds, I now know that money does not buy happiness. What it does do is give an addict the ability to buy more drugs. All the good things that had filled my life were taken from me by the worst of thieves - myself. This is how strong the allure of my drug of choice is to me. What makes me even more disgusted and humiliated is the fact that I didn't understand that I was, without question, going to get caught. Oh, I knew it, but only on a subconscious level; not a conscious one. We know we're going to get caught sooner or later. We want to be caught. We want help. I knew I'd eventually lose everything I'd worked so hard to gain and truly cherished. It was just a matter of when. This alone demonstrates the sheer, raw power of my addiction. Everything I just mentioned easily fit into my crack pipe, and with one exhale, was blown out into a cloud of smoke. Now I am here, in Chicago, paying the price with this all-consuming unhappiness. Gone is the magnificent sound of the ocean and present is the sound of the train picking up people to take them to work with the dawn of a new day. My brother calls. Apparently in order to get away he's flown to Alabama and is now at the racetrack with his future father-in-law. He doesn't want to talk to me and tells me so right off the bat. I know he's disgusted with me and hearing this in his voice is painful, and I can't take a whole lot more pain. Just a few seconds into this conversation I tell him that it's me who doesn't feel like talking. I am sickened with myself and I am sick of feeling this awful disgust that's way too familiar. I feel gross and the only good is that maybe, somehow, this will serve as the last time and I'll never be here, this low, again. I am still too ashamed to make contact with Cindi. I don't want to think about what is going on in her head and my thinking is imbalanced. The few hits of crack from the other night have robbed me of logic. I'm in and I'm out. My feelings of resentment toward Marc and Cindi for sending me away are of course unwarranted. They had every right to banish me from their well-ordered life, but I know it's my addiction doing the thinking for me. After all, every ounce is my fault and it's very important to keep telling myself this. I have to, because the moment I stop remembering who got me here, it becomes someone else's fault . Amanda decides that she doesn't want any part of me today. I spend the day on the patio, wallowing in self-pity, reviewing and wondering where exactly it was that I went so wrong. Hours go by and I attempt to escape by renting a movie; a light one that will pick me up so I once again know what it feels like to crack a smile. I choose a comedy; a lousy one. How fitting, even though there probably isn't a movie on the planet that could make me laugh right now. Chicago has never been good for my mood and I am in Chicago—in a basement, away from my twin brother, unsure of how long I'll have to remain. I am an ungrateful, whiny bitch right now, and it's every single person's fault except my own. I go to bed alone. I don't know where Amanda is. I don't care. Three feeling check-in: angry, remorseful and disgusted. One-year-later Reflections Stinkin' Thinkin’ I am fully aware that I didn't want to be in Chicago and would do whatever I could to get back to California. I even stated that I wanted to manipulate my brother into allowing me back if that opportunity presented itself. Manipulation is what we addicts do best. It's how we survive in the world. If you find yourself trying to manipulate anyone for any reason, a relapse could be close behind. It's crazy to think that just 24 hours prior I was in a better place mentally than during this day. Why do I feel entitled to have my questions answered today when just yesterday I was willing to do anything to appease everyone around me? In this question lies the answer. It's obvious that my sobriety is not yet for myself. It needs to be in order for me to find success, but it's obvious that during this moment my disease was looking to play "the blame game". I went to bed angry and ungrateful blaming others. Anger and self-judgment have always been a reason for me to go out and use. Know what your emotional triggers are. Recognizing them as triggers is the starting point toward better understanding them and processing them so that they no longer fuel your addiction. It's important to utilize resources to learn different ways to cope with emotional triggers. Sober Thinking Although I own up to being responsible for the damage I caused, it's hard for me not to feel bad for myself without using that as a tool for manipulation. If people think I'm sad they will feel bad for me, and I will use that power for malicious purposes. It's great that I acknowledge that the self-pity has to stop. It's always easier said than done, but at least I'm thinking in that direction. It's good that I recognize that as much as I want to fix things and understand what's going on in my brother's head, I MUST stay in the moment and focus on staying sober. I go in and out of being able to do this today, but I am aware of its importance and that's a start. I realized that asking Amanda to stay home when I was not having a craving would've been selfish. Do not expect anyone to be your babysitter. Babysitting an addict would be a form of enabling. It's so important to know that if you're in the midst of a craving, tell someone in any way you can. If one person won't listen, then the next will. If they need to stay with you until the moment passes, this is not a form of babysitting. This is saving your life. It's a fine line, but there is a difference between the two. Don't be afraid to ask for the help. I'm still too ashamed to call Cindi or to talk to my brother when he finally does call. Don't let shame turn into depression. Just feel ashamed. Feel dirty and feel the remorse. As soon as you appreciate it for what it is and understand that it won't last, you will find you're already rebuilding your relationship and your own self-respect. » Read about Super Star, follow his posts and buy the "Serenity" CD here.

 

An addict is someone who cannot control or stop an activity despite experiencing adverse consequences from the activity. And in seeing how my drug addiction was directly related to my stinkin’ thinkin’, I have been able to see that all addiction is related to thinking. The key to recovery for me was in addressing my biggest issue…my thinking. I used to think that being addicted only meant to drugs or alcohol. Since finding recovery, however, I have seen that addiction comes in many forms. While I was addicted to the chemicals that made up my drugs, I have also seen that I was addicted to the behaviors around getting and using them—sometimes that was more of the chase than the actual use. While I am no longer ingesting any mind-altering substances, I see where the addictive thoughts, or stinking thinking, displays the same symptoms as my past abuse of drugs and alcohol through other behaviors—presenting consequences and sometimes lots of them! Addiction Has Many Faces Addiction presents itself through many faces. Like, for instance gambling. Most people who engage in gambling do it for fun. They are able to set limits so they don’t over spend or become preoccupied with it. But for others, gambling becomes more of a way to seek thrills or as a means to escape, exhibiting consequences like increased time away from family or loved ones, financial debt and more. I find I always have to work on my behavior around this type of addiction. For example, I have observed my addiction to food to be something of an issue. We all eat to live. Some people however, live to eat. They crave and eat even when they are not hungry and oftentimes eat more food than what they need when they are depressed or, as in my case, even when I become excited about something. I just eat because it gives me pleasure. The problem, though, is this pleasure can lead to obesity, heart disease and/or other serious health issues. Relationships can become another form of addiction. Seeking out others' presence in our, life thinking we’ll feel better or be complete. And this can be coupled with co-dependency by placing the other person before our own needs. This is something I have become aware of throughout my teen and adult life and chosen to do some work around. The payoff is that becoming aware and working on this issue has brought healthier relationships into my life. Too Much Work Can Be Unhealthy, Too I've been called a “workaholic.” My passion and work ethic for all things ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT-related has been considered by some as an addiction in itself. Although this may seem like a good and healthy outlet in life, becoming a workaholic can lead to serious consequences. I often have to be mindful of my workload and realize if I let my work become unhealthy, it can present consequences, too. Many people know I love to exercise. But even something that’s considered healthy can become unhealthy if you find yourself doing it compulsively. Overtraining is something I have to be mindful of. It can be easy for me to justify going to the gym twice a day but doing so would not be healthy for me. Excessive training can lead to fatigue, malnourishment and over-exertion on limbs and muscles, making them prone for injury. And then there is video-game addiction, computer addiction, shopping addiction and more. All have the potential to lead to some detrimental consequences as the other forms of addiction mentioned above. Understanding that one’s behavior can cause serious consequences, and becoming aware of them as they unfold, is the first way to combat the stinkin’ thinkin’ and move towards healthier thinking, which goes hand in hand with healthy behaviors. So if you think you, or a family member, might be addicted to a substance, activity, object or behavior, please talk to someone—your physician, a counselor, a friend who has healthy boundaries—or seek out a support group for the problem. And do it today! » Read about Super Star, follow his posts and buy the "Serenity" CD here.

So why do underage students drink? Well the list of reasons can be plentiful. Maybe it’s the lack of self-esteem. Perhaps it is the lack of understanding that drinking alcohol isn’t a game and can be life-threatening. Another reason might be described as peer influence, but of course that might not be 100 percent accurate. If a person refuses to drink, they’re probably not going to be forced by anyone. Instead, their fellow drinking friends will probably feel “there’s more for me anyway.” In many instances, students start to drink because their friends are doing it and they might not want to feel left out. Or they might feel they’re missing out on something by not getting drunk with their friends. That’s what I am hearing from teens as I travel the country speaking at schools on this issue. It’s probably a combination of reasons, really, but the reality is once someone has taken their first drink, chances are it won’t be their last and for that unfortunate one in 10 of them; the risk of becoming addicted becomes a reality. Alcohol itself isn’t the issue. The abuse of alcohol is the problem. Teaching about We must educate our teens about the danger of substance abuse early to prepare them for the day when they are legally able to consume an alcoholic beverage responsibly substance abuse and responsible use does not require that a student actually consume an alcoholic beverage any more than teaching students world geography requires them to visit Asia or teaching them politics requiring that they run for public office. We must educate our teens about the danger of substance abuse early to prepare them for the day when they are legally able to consume an alcoholic beverage responsibly. Because either drinking in moderation or not drinking at all is an equally acceptable option for adults, and we must prepare our youth for either choice. To do otherwise is both irresponsible and ineffective and can lead to even more individuals suffering from this ever-increasing epidemic. When I talk to students, I focus on responsibility because I feel that no-use messages can be less effective in getting the teens to actually hear the message. Responsibility is waiting until you are of age to consume an alcoholic beverage. Responsibility is not taking or handing your underage friend a beer because you don’t know what Pandora’s Box you might be opening up for them if you do. Responsibility is paying attention to the warning signs of a potential problem. This of course would include dependence issues, drinking and driving, mental and physical abuse to others as well as self, and other serious behavior changes, decisions and consequences. Our youth are too important and the stakes are too high to not engage these students in a crucial conversation on the importance of drug and alcohol abuse and dependence. To ignore it or sweep the issue under the rug and pretend that it doesn’t exist will not only lead to more young lives lost but more young lives to face an absolutely unnecessary struggle to regain their life back years later. So if a friend of your teenager offers them something to drink at a party what decision do you think they will make? You have influence, so help keep your kid above it. » Read about Super Star, follow his posts and buy the "Serenity" CD here.

It’s not WHAT you say, but HOW you say it! It’s important to be open to talking about things, even those things that bring up concerns or an uncomfortable feeling for you. Sometimes situations can feel off in regards to a personal, or even a business, issue. But just because something may seem off doesn’t necessarily mean that what you’re feeling or sensing is accurate. Having resentment build is something I would have used in the past as an excuse to make irresponsible choices in my life Keep in mind that it’s not WHAT you say, but HOW you say it! I notice this happens for me. I say something and all of a sudden I find out that it is interpreted completely different than how I meant it. This then has put me in a defensive mode where sometimes utter chaos erupts for no reason at all. Open communication is effective communication and is essential for my well-being today. Resentment I am not a fan of resentment. Having resentment build is something I would have used in the past as an excuse to make irresponsible choices in my life; from drug and alcohol abuse to lying or being manipulative. Many of my most resentful moments were created from stories by me based on a perception that I later found wasn’t reality. I imagine this happens for many others as well. With people who are close to me both professionally and personally, I have learned how important effective and open communication is. It not only can stop the stories and resentment about things and situations in our lives that may not be absolute truth but it can also strengthen the relationships in the process. That’s how I have currently seen the power of communication—and just plain, old talking—play out in my world. So make time to talk to those individuals that surround you about the things or emotions you are struggling to understand. And don’t assume anything! It’s impossible to know what the other party has on his or her mind without actually hearing them say it. Address Concerns In Person And if what you heard is said in a manner that raises a red flag, then address this concern immediately in person and not through email or text. These other forms of communication have the potential to leave room for a message to be misconstrued. It’s better to just ask while you are in the moment. Asking helps to eliminate wrong guesses or false impressions and prevents you from taking up time focusing on things that aren’t reality when you could be spending time moving forward. Remember, it’s not WHAT you say, but HOW you say it! So be aware of your tone or motive. Pay attention to where your words might be coming from as it pertains to a situation. Speak clearly and approach topics using examples that can better help the listener understand your intentions. And then follow through with actions that match your words so that in the future these occurrences of misinterpreted messages will become less frequent.  You’ll find that over time these misunderstandings will become a thing of the past! » Read about Super Star, follow his posts and buy the "Serenity" CD here.

I never would have imagined that someday I would see that obstacles are really opportunities in disguise. That’s because I had been conditioned at an early age to see them mostly as walls or dead-ends. In school I wasn’t really trained to work the angles, and at home and in my community, all I had been exposed to were stories of "woe is me" and self-pity. Because of this, I was often the first to throw in the towel if a problem were to present itself. However, today when I go to schools I talk about this with the students and its    It starts with a dream. relevance towards goal setting. I convey to them that all goals are achievable and that the only person standing in anyone’s way would be themselves. It’s important to develop an adapt-and-overcome attitude to achieve desired goals and, if they haven’t already, to consider changing their perspective on obstacles and view them as only favorable circumstances. That’s the way I view them and for me has been one of the many rewards found in my sobriety. Creating the ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT was much more than thinking of a name. It had to have a story—it had to be our story. And after the story was recorded, it had to have tangible things to serve as vehicles for our story to be shared. That’s where the CD "Serenity," the book The First 30 Days to Serenity, and the Rock Star and Super Star apparel came in. It was not an easy task taking these ideas, and others that we have brainstormed over time, and bringing them into fruition. Especially considering most of what has been created needed to be done without money because we had none. Zero. Zilch. But this didn’t stop us. Many of the musicians for our "Serenity" CD came on board without taking a dime of money. They believed in our mission and did it for the same reasons my brother and I wanted to—to share the importance to sobriety and responsibility to the masses. I Found a Way To Make It Happen I did not personally know any of the childhood hero musicians that came on board for this project, or have any specific ties to them, but I wanted them for our CD. I wanted those musicians bad enough and found a way to make it happen. I was relentless in my own pursuit of contacting them, worked hard to share our story with them and learned to work all the angles to obtain the goal of working with each one of them mainly through email and phone calls. There were no excuses. I had a dream and was going to achieve it at all responsible costs. The same story would unfold during the writing of my book. There was a Foreword to be written and there were quotes I needed for the back cover of the book. I had certain people who I knew were highly respected in the field of addiction, and others who had a high regard in their chosen field. These were the people who I wanted to share their thoughts and impressions. It was the same passion, same relentless pursuit and same outcome as with the CD. And because of my willingness to push open any door that seemed untouchable, I was able to receive the support and accolades from these people. The ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT camp has a series of initiatives now. Each one of them started with an idea. Everything we do, what we are and what we have are all a result of what we think and our ideas. I have seen this truth play out over and over again in my life. I dream big. And thanks to my recovery, today I have confidence. I now go after what I want and because of hard work and determination, it appears in my life. I will dream big dreams and be the ultimate believer that if I do everything I am supposed to do, the dreams will eventually come true. All because I learned the philosophy to adapt and overcome and look at each obstacle as an opportunity for success. » Read about Super Star, follow his posts and buy the "Serenity" CD here.

These are the three initiatives that the ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT has been working hard at conveying to students across America via our Skype and school presentations. So what are they and how do they relate to a long, healthy and prosperous life? Let's take a look at Rebranding Sobriety first. The ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT is sending a message to everyone that "sobriety is cool." To let our students know that drug use always starts out as a choice but for some of these young adults the progression moves into addiction. It's quick and brutal for some, like it was for me, and for others it can creep in slow and almost unnoticeable. But for everyone, the consequences are the same and they are life changing. And we want those of you who have already made the choice to not use drugs and alcohol that you are, by far, cooler than any rock star or super star could ever be! Responsibility. It means taking responsibility for your own life. Don't wait for someone else to make your life happen. If you're struggling with something, reach out to others—find an adult or friend that you trust. If you're being picked on or bullied, you tell someone; if you see someone being bullied, you tell someone; if you are a bully, you tell someone you're sorry and then go to a teacher, parent or someone else who you trust and seek help. Don't ever let anyone else define you. It means working hard even when you don't feel like it! To never give up hope! Understand that each step you take—as long as you are focused on doing the next right thing—will help you in achieving your goal. If you are a teen who is bored, find something that excites you about life or learn something new. Develop your craft and work toward fulfilling your dreams, just as my brother Rock Star and I were able to do for ourselves. Dreamcatching. Dreams do come true. That's what the ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT wants our youth to believe. We want them to have pride in knowing that they are already somebody remarkable and that they are someone unique who has special gifts to share with the world, someone who deserves to be loved by the one person that really matters - themselves. Find those things that spark passion for living each day . maybe someone wants to be a singer or a painter or a poet or an athlete . the choices are limitless. Find what is enjoyable and pursue it with a relentless passion and never ever give up hope because dreams are there waiting to be embraced! I appreciate the kids that I have had the gift of visiting at the schools I've presented at. They encourage and inspire me to wake up every day and follow my heart towards my own dreams. They give me strength when I need refueling and extend me hope so that I can keep moving forward towards my next goal. If you are a young adult I have a message for you. By helping support our message to rebrand sobriety, by making responsible choices and by dreamcatching you will have an amazing life ahead of you. Don't let drugs change that. Don't let bullies change that. Don't let anyone else change the way you think, act or talk. Remember ... whoever you are is who you were born to be. Be yourself, love yourself and I promise you, you too can be a Rock Star or Super Star if that's your dream. » Read about Super Star, follow his posts and buy the "Serenity" CD here.

When the dust cleared from this year’s Rockin’ Recovery Tour, all that was left were those left standing in a cloud of hope and inspiration. That’s what seems to be the general consensus of those who witnessed the sheer spectacle of the 2011 Rockin’ Recovery Tour. Playing in front of an approximate 20,000-plus people at our various shows, the ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT delivered nothing less than what it promised—an awe- inspiring journey breaking through addiction and celebrating the hope and redemption that comes with recovery. My brother and I along, with the rest of the ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT team, worked furiously and relentlessly to put together this year’s Rockin Recovery Tour. It was the first of its kind and will become a staple during National Recovery Month. Our final show was aboard the mighty Intrepid in New York City at the Behavioral Health Recognition Month event hosted by Talk Therapy TV. We boarded proudly to rock the metallic beast to make a statement: That we were here to inspire and encourage others to be responsible in their life’s choices and to live dreams to the fullest extent. The ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT has always conveyed the importance of dream catching in direct relation to responsibility and sobriety. In fact, that’s what we just did with this year’s tour. When we started to paint this picture of what this tour would look like, many of us brought to the table some lofty ideas. But it was these lofty ideas that inspired us to go build them into a reality that has helped me stay straight, sober and focused on an accomplishment. My end goal is always to go to sleep another night sober. Because of this, I have put forth the effort to earn, and then enjoy, some of life’s greatest treasures. One of them was helping to take lofty ideas and turning them into a concert that not only brought the importance of our mission to the forefront but also brought families to the front of the stage to celebrate overcoming addiction as well. My brother and I do intend on taking the war on drugs to a whole new level by sharing our story with anyone within an earshot of our high-decibel and drug-free beat. The war on drugs at our borders would not exist if we would just focus on winning the war at our kitchen tables. Our mission to use any opportunity to create crucial conversations at home concerning the use of drugs and alcohol is one that we are indeed continuing. All of us deserve to be educated; we must continue to utilize our teachers, police, counselors, parents, friends and everyone else as resources to help us to realize what sobriety really means and to protect us with the tools we need to maintain a life of it. The ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT calls it rebranding sobriety and we are on a mission to destroy the enemy and take our war on drugs to a whole new level! » Read about Super Star, follow his posts and buy the "Serenity" CD here.

My love for Nikki and Motley Crue has been consistent since 1983. I had their first album, "Too Fast for Love," at the age of 8 or 9 and got the second one, "Shout at the Devil," in 1984. I was 10 years old. Growing up in the era of Motley Crue’s music was a blessing. It was a privilege that many of us can reflect back on and recall as a time of decadence and over-indulgence. But I was 10; I didn’t even know what these words meant. But what I did know is that   Although we may never meet, we will have what we were supposed to have all along   my other heroes from a band called KISS finally had some real competition. The fearsome foursome of rock that became the band Motley Crue was iconic from the beginning and, to this day, has not wavered from their historical place in rock-and-roll history and its future. I stared smoking cigarettes at the age of 15. My usage quickly spiraled out of control to drinking and my whirlwind of doom was off to the races. At such an early age, I became addicted to cocaine, then crack, then heroin; as well as everything else in between. Today after battling nearly a 15-year struggle with addiction, I am clean and sober. Today I am 37. While still a teenager, I woke up one day and didn’t like what I saw in the mirror. Ultimately it was this lack of self-love that led me to find a way to alter my mood. That’s where the drugs came in. That’s where Nikki Sixx came in also. Even during the progression of my disease I had moments of clarity. I had times where I thought I wanted to become sober and during one of these moments I picked up the Heroin Diaries. This book written by one of rock and roll’s most important legends was brilliant, real and intense. It gave me something to look forward to when I finally would become strong enough to accept defeat from my substance use disorder. His story may not have been the same as mine but there were similarities and this is what I connected to. Nikki was there for me as a child. He was there to see me during my struggles through addiction. And now he is there to see me embrace full-blown recovery. He wasn’t there physically, but his story has been constant and is eerily similar to mine. His enthusiastic and wherewithal to push his iconic band to the forefront of rock, and whatever lies beyond, is contagious and his intense demand to put his recovery before all of this is inspiring. His public story with his struggle is very real and his moments of weaknesses have often become a source of strength for me. The Heroin Diaries is sitting next to me as I type this. I am following Nikki differently now than I used to. Before it was all about Motley Crue’s music and brand, now I am following Nikki’s lead. Nothing will ever come before my sobriety. The ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT is a success today because I am doing exactly as Nikki does. Putting it all out there; doing what I need to do and waking up doing it all over again. Day after day, one day at a time. Thanks, Nikki, for all your support and although we may never meet, we will have what we were supposed to have all along. We’ll have our freedom from drugs and alcohol—all thanks to your willingness to spread the message of hope and the importance of dream catching. » Read about Super Star, follow his posts and buy the "Serenity" CD here. Photo by Christopher Peterson [CC-BY-3.0], via Wikimedia Commons

To many people, especially young adults, sobriety seems to be a word that is synonymous with boring. I would imagine the concept of rebranding sobriety is a turn off for those who are used to living a party lifestyle. I believe this because I was one of them. When the ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT declared its mission to rebrand sobriety, we knew we had to give this effort our all. After all, changing the way something may be perceived can be a daunting and challenging task. But what are our other options? To stay on course continuing to have others associate responsibility and sobriety with a boring and not-so-exciting life so that they can then use that as yet another excuse to party? Doesn’t sound like an option to me and it isn’t an option to the ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT, either. So we are changing it, because collectively we can. This year’s first ever Rockin’ Recovery Tour has been an amazing success. With the support of the organizations PRO-ACT, FOR-NY, ASAP, NCADD and Talk Therapy TV, we have brought communities together to embrace the importance of recovery from substance abuse and have connected individuals to various support systems so that they can find the necessary help to overcome their struggles. We have helped others see that friends, family and even a rock concert can be fun and can be enjoyed without the use of drugs and/or alcohol. My twin brother, Rock Star, and I tell a story with two sides. Both sides are significant, and both to be respected. Both sides are about the healing process that stems from the disease of addiction. For both the addict and the individuals that surround an addict, the story of addiction is brutal and it is one that needs to be heard. That’s why we are getting our story out there and we are doing it with the assistance of some fine and powerful Marshall Amplifiers. Our story of Serenity is told on stage in front of the masses. We do this by engaging the audience with our music and interactive dialog. And we have seen it hit home for many in the audience. For all of us who have been affected by this disease, we each share a piece of this story. And it’s a story that we should not be ashamed to talk about. The Rockin’ Recovery Tour is an energetic performance that has captured the hearts of many and brought us together in an embrace in which I have never before experienced. The ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT is here to stay and to support the belief that treatment works, that not abusing drugs or alcohol can be cool and that doing the next right thing will always lead you to that next right place. We invite you to join us this Sunday, October 9th for the Talk Therapy TV Rockin’ Recovery Tour stop on board the Intrepid in New York City. It’s a sober event filled with inspiration and hope—one that will change your perception of what a life without the use of drugs and alcohol can be like. » Read about Super Star, follow his posts and buy the "Serenity" CD here.

RSSS Project on stage in Philly at the Pro-Act event. Our first-of-its kind interactive musical tour—which is to be a yearly event each September in celebration of Recovery Month—couldn’t have been more of a success!   The ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT is now on the road and is dedicated to conveying an inspiring message about the redemption that comes with recovery. Alongside us, we have some internationally known rock musicians who are taking us through a musical journey that, at times, is as fast and furious as our addictions may have been and at other times is soft and melodic, like the serenity I have been blessed to have found in my recovery. That’s what the ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT is all about—a beacon of light for all to realize that we must always love, always encourage and never let despair get in the way. The RSSS Project is on a mission to re-brand sobriety and we are doing it. We are actually doing it. There are thousands of individuals who have now seen what we are all about. They are taking the conversations concerning substance use disorder into their homes and communities and that’s exactly what we wanted. That’s part of the RSSS Project’s mission: To encourage others to walk through that door into recovery and to embrace its gifts.   While I was in my addiction, the claws were deep inside me, so much so that I couldn’t    Rock Star (left) and me in Albany. see the most beautiful thing I had—my own reflection that showed there was a person of value staring back. That’s what it felt like then. I couldn’t face myself in the mirror, let alone look at the pain that it was causing my family and friends. Today I know what those claws represented for me. They were things that I needed to rediscover about myself: confidence, self-love, hope and courage. Those are the things that made the man that is now being seen on stage during this tour. Those are the things that allowed for me to take back yesterday and forge my path for a brand new day tomorrow. No longer am I willing to be bound by the chains of that beast. No longer am I willing to lie on behalf of it any more. No longer am I willing to steal for it any more. No longer am I willing to put my life, or anyone else’s life, in jeopardy to feed my habit. I have seen the gift from watching in silence; not giving power to those things that once led me to using.   Today I'm moving on and I will hold all those things that mean the most to me, close to me, one day at a time and every year this performance will encourage others to do the same. You can catch us at our last two tour stops: Rochester, N.Y. hosted by National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence-Rochester Area on Wednesday, September 28th at 7:30 p.m. at the School of the Arts, 45 Prince Street, Rochester. Tickets are $10. For more information, please call or e-mail Elaine Alvarado at (585) 719-3481 or ealvarado@depaul.org. RSSS wages the war against drugs on board the Intrepid in New York City  at the Behavioral Health Recognition Month event hosted by Talk Therapy TV on Sunday, October 9 from 11:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. For more information go to: www.talktherapytv.org/bhrm.html. » Read about Super Star, follow his posts and buy the "Serenity" CD here.

We are just a few hours away from the start of something big, something magical—the 2011 Rockin’ Recovery Tour!

Well, almost the start….

In just a few hours the guys who will be performing under the ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT moniker will be here. Some of

Zak Stevens

the members are legends of rock, and one of them just so happens to be Zak Stevens. If you recognize the name it’s because he fronted the band Savatage during its heyday in the Nineties. Savatage is now known as the hugely popular Trans-Siberian Orchestra.

The preparation for this year’s Rockin’ Recovery Tour has been excruciating, yet exciting, on so many levels. Each day for months we have worked hard at putting this tour together. And it hasn’t helped that we didn’t know a thing about booking such performances. But we remained true to following our passion of creating venues to deliver our message and that work has led us to tonight, finally awaiting the arrival of the beasts of rock.

The lodging is arranged. The food menu is planned out for the next few weeks. The rehearsal studio is ready. And we are set to start rehearsal tomorrow in preparation to launch our first round of shows next weekend. Am I nervous? You betcha!

But four years ago I was holed up in a crack house. I was not planning a tour that would become a staple during National Recovery Month. I was looking underneath a door for the intruders that I swore up and down were there. But they weren’t. It was all just my imagination mixed with the hallucinations caused by my excessive use of drugs. I was a different person then. Only working for my habit. I was on a downward spiral to hell. Little did I know I would be the one who would eventually find the strength to pull myself up from the depths and find the courage that would bring me to face a night such as this.

I am nervous to embark on what I have set sail long ago to do. My mission to bring the message of sobriety to the masses is in full swing. I am filled with a humbling gratitude and a pride that I can say I maintained my relentless pursuit of my vision … I did this!

Tonight the heavy metal hamsters unite. We will come together to re-brand sobriety and we will do it in the only way we know that works: from a place of gratitude, honesty and love. Tonight when they arrive, we will feast and bask in the light of this vision.

Okay, the doorbell is ringing, gotta get this!

You can join the RSSS Rockin’ Recovery Tour at one of the following stops for 2011:

• Penn’s Landing - Philadelphia, Penn., hosted by PRO-ACT on Saturday, Sept. 24 at 9:00 a.m. Be a participant in the walk, or organize a team for the walk, and then join RSSS for an awe-inspiring performance. For more information go to: www.recoverywalks.org.
• Riverfront Park at the Corning Preserve in Albany, N.Y., hosted by Friends of Recovery-New York on Sunday, Sept. 25 from 10:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. For more information, go to: www.for-ny.org/events.php
• School of the Arts in Rochester, N.Y. hosted by National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence-Rochester Area on Wednesday, Sept. 28 at 7:30 p.m. at the School of the Arts, 45 Prince Street, Rochester. Tickets are $10 each; discount rates available. For more information, please call or e-mail Elaine Alvarado at (585) 719-3481 or ealvarado@depaul.org. Pre-registration is required by 9/21/11 due to limited seating.
• The Intrepid in New York City — RSSS wages a war against drugs on board the Intrepid iat the Behavioral Health Recognition Month event hosted by Talk Therapy TV on Sunday, Oct. 9 from 11:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. For more information go to: www.talktherapytv.org/bhrm.html

» Read about Super Star, follow his posts and buy the "Serenity" CD here.

This is one of the songs featured on our upcoming Rockin’ Recovery Tour.   Growing up, no one ever took the time to turn off the television and pick up a conversation with me on the importance of substance abuse. I wish they would have. I wish I would have known how beautiful my own reflection really was but, when I was younger, I couldn’t stand to look at myself. When I was a teenager, I wish I would have had the self-love that it seemed so many others had but I didn’t. Two of the cheesiest words I can think of: self-love—yet so crucial for living a happy and healthy life. No one ever told me when I was growing up that self-love would provide me the confidence I would need to make responsible choices. And no one told me I needed to treat my body with respect, not to abuse it. I was a teenager. I was invincible, after all. If someone did try to talk to me about these things, then their conversations fell on deaf ears. When my twin brother Rock Star and I sat down to write the songs about my addiction alongside our childhood rock-star heroes, I thought it was important to capture this lack of self-love I had for myself in the very first song. It is appropriately titled "Abuse Me." Capturing this in a song was important to me because a lack of self-love was what led my addiction into a downward spiral to hell. And for me this spiral towards addiction happened long before I picked up that first drug. For me it happened when my stinkin’ thinkin' took over and became destructive enough for me to stop caring about myself and others. I abused myself at every turn and corner. That’s what all of us who suffer from substance use disorder do. Abuse Me I see your darkness, I know your pain Wastelands of broken dreams and my scattered remains I do what you tell me, I do what you need My soul is blackened, for you I bleed Don’t know what I would do without you by my side Without you, could I go on and on and survive? It’s not the way you use and abuse me, It’s the way you make me feel worthless, It’s not the way you use and abuse me, And everything that I know You hold me close, just like I hold you near I can’t escape, from you, you’re always here You’re bad for me, and I can’t see But without you, I can’t seem to be free Featuring Zak Stevens, (Savatage, Trans-Siberian Orchestra), Bruce Kulick, (Kiss, Michael Bolton) Adam Pettit, Rock Star and Super Star. The lyrics for "Abuse Me" are to the left. These words were transcribed to paper from the core of my addictive thinking. As you read these words, feel the power behind their destructive energy. These are the thoughts that would race through my mind during those moments that I no longer cared about my mother, my father, my twin brother, or anyone else for that matter. The only thing I cared about was my drugs—chasing that next fix—which led me to the darkest places imaginable. I would stop at nothing to stay out of the light. Today, my love affair with drugs is over. The love that I have found for myself has now taken over and continues to blossom with each breath. It grows with each step I take at maintaining my recovery. My advice is to turn off that television, put down that drink or drug, basically, do whatever you need to do to pick up a conversation with a child today. Doing so may just end up saving their life and save them from abusing the most beautiful thing that they have. Themselves. Always love, always encourage and never let despair get in the way. » Read about Super Star, follow his posts and buy the "Serenity" CD here.

Each morning that I arise I am grateful for the chance to make another day one that I can be proud of. I see new days as beginnings and another chance for me to shed even more of my undesired characteristics. I love beginnings and I love today. The expression "one day at a time" is an important one for a few reasons, and I stress its importance often. For starters, many who suffer from substance use disorder find early on in recovery that they cannot yet grasp the belief that some day, if they choose to do the work, they will have years of sobriety under their belt. And early on it’s not uncommon that it’s a second-to-second battle to get to the next minute. "One day at a time" is an important reminder to breathe, to relax and to stay present in the moment of the day. To stay willing and open to the offerings, and in tune to the various frequencies that surrounds us each moment of every day. It wasn’t always this way for me. For 15 years I missed many days like today. I was too busy numbing myself with drugs and alcohol. I was abusing substances because I that’s how I had learned to cope through life’s difficulties. Many of my days were dark and weren’t at all like that of today. That was until I saw there was hope and help for those of us who suffer from substance use disorder and it was mine if I wanted it badly enough. Today I possess the tools I need to enjoy each day and I am making sure to share as many of them as I can so that others like myself can regain the value and the importance of today: 9/6/2011. Overwhelmed With Awe and Gratitude Yesterday when I was walking my dog, Doro, through a field I became overwhelmed with a feeling of gratitude. During that moment I was in awe. How did we get so lucky to have this thing called life? To look, to feel, to smell and to love? It’s an incredible achievement that took millions of years. All of these years that led to us to develop as a species led to my evolution as an incredibly unique individual. And now here I am, walking my dog in a field, feeling her happiness, smelling the freshly cut grass and loving that I have this right now, in this moment, today. And realizing this is my happiness to experience and it’s for me whenever I am open to it. Today I want to stay sober so I can experience more of these moments. More of these reminders that the gift of life is something that I have the opportunity to unwrap and to enjoy every day, if I choose to. I want more moments chasing my dog in that field. I want the chance to continue extending a hand to others to help them and I want more opportunities to enjoy the company of myself as well as others. I am starting off today as I do each day—with a huge glass of optimism and an appreciation for the unknown of tomorrow. I am blessed with today because right now I have the opportunity to make it whatever I want it to be. » Read about Super Star, follow his posts and buy the "Serenity" CD here. Photo by By Dori (own work) [GFDL  or CC-BY-SA-3.0-us], via Wikimedia Commons

"So innocent, but ready to lose control. Crying for an escape, the Monster creeps slowly but so sneaky into your body. He makes you happy, on top of the world. Until your world comes tumbling down." Hard to imagine these are the words of a 14-year-old girl but they are. She sees the monster as it rears its ugly head, often to those close to her. What a shame this beast even exists and how dare it reveal himself to such pure eyes. The monster reigned supreme and ravaged my body for 15 years. It cherished its power over me and drooled at the thought I’d eventually give it what it wanted; not only my soul but my life. One night I almost did. But I lived through it to tell the tale. The streets of my past are paved with stories of monsters like this one. It was always there; always waiting for me to lose strength so that it could easily manipulate my thoughts into self-destructive ones. I hated carrying it around. Its foul stench slithered itself around my body and wrapped itself in place around me; squeezing as much life as it could. I would beg for it to leave but it wouldn’t and I would scream for help when I was certain no one could hear me. The monster made me ashamed. I felt weak and full of despair. It took away time from my life, took away trust from my family and trust from within. It took away the reality and purity of who I once was. My monster did give me one thing though; an illusion. It gave me the illusion that I was in control. That I was happy and going to be OK as long as I gave it power. It did this each time it reared its head. For this reason I gave it all of my attention and was completely infatuated with it. I adored it and never wanted to let it go. The reality is my monster was trying to kill me but at the time I didn’t see it. I didn’t see it because it was that strong; strong enough to make me blind even though I had perfect vision. I don’t think I had the wisdom at 14 years of age like this young girl. I wish I did. I wish I could have seen at such a young age what she is able to see in front of her. My guess is that if I did I would have thwarted this monster’s advances towards me. I would have succumbed to its pressures and picked up that first cigarette which would later lead me to a crack pipe and 15 years of misery for me and my family. This person is the hope against the beast. She is smart, quick, wise and more intelligent than it. She is a warrior and if she continues her life seeing through those eyes, she stands a chance against addiction The wisdom from the words of this 14 year old is why I believe so much in our initiatives at ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT. The children of our communities need opportunities for these crucial conversations to educate themselves about the dangers of substance use because it doesn’t take someone to be addicted to die from this monster. RSSS appreciates those youth who serve as guest bloggers to bring a youth voice to our blog site! To read the rest of her blog click here. » Read about Super Star, follow his posts and buy the "Serenity" CD here.

We couldn’t have planned it any better. The ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT is taking the war on drugs to a whole new level by performing our Rockin’ Recovery Tour on the Intrepid in New York City. The Intrepid Sea, Air & Space Museum is one of America’s leading historic, cultural and educational institutions. Opened in 1982, the museum has welcomed more than 10 million visitors. It is based on the aircraft carrier Intrepid (CVS-11), one of the most successful ships in U.S. history, and now a national historic landmark and one of the most unique attractions in NYC. This gargantuan ship was commissioned in World War II and went on to serve as one of the primary recovery vessels for NASA, had three tours of duty off Vietnam, and performed submarine surveillance in the North Atlantic during the Cold War. The ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT is proud to have an opportunity to perform on this vessel of courage. Courage is what has led us to continue our efforts in recovery and we will do our best to pay tribute to so many of the courageous souls that proudly serve, and have served, on our behalf in each of our branches of service. National Anthem 2.0 is one of the songs we will be playing during our tour. NA 2.0 is a testament to our country’s values, paying respect to our police officers, firefighters and military personnel who are serving us and protecting our freedom at home and around the world. To play this song on this ship, and in their honor, is a prime example of the strength and courage it takes for those like me to get and remain sober and we will make it a testament to those who serve this country. National Anthem 2.0  (Featuring Zak Stevens, Chris Caffery, Joe Babick, Rock Star and Super Star) You can be who you want to be in the home of the free You can fly and touch the sky in the home of the brave and a dream Can you see us in America, O- Say can you see? The rockets’ red glare is in the air and our flag is flying there Get up, stand up for the USA, believe in your heart and what you can say Get up; stand up it’s the right thing to do Fight for your right and the Red White and Blue We’re flying high now We’re united and strong All of us in America – We are One Our Nation stands tall All of us in America You can say what you want to say right here in the USA Hand and hand across this land, its united we stand Can you see us in America, O-Say can you see? The rockets’ red glare is in the air and our flag is flying there Get up, stand up for the USA, believe in your heart and what you can say Get up; stand up it’s the right thing to do Fight for your right and the Red White and Blue Say it loud now We’re united and strong All of us in America – We are One Our Nation stands tall All of us in America We’re united and strong And we will not fall – We are One Our Nation stands tall All of us in America Our Nation Stands Tall And we will not fall The pride that I feel for my recovery is what helps me continue my path in recovery. It’s a feeling of strength and self-love. I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world. I will fight the enemy of addiction always and the war that it has waged against me, I will win. I would like to personally say thank you to all those of our past, current, and future service men and women. This great Country’s history is proof that battles of all types can be won. NA 2.0 was written for you! » Read about Super Star, follow his posts and buy the "Serenity" CD here.

There is a beautiful word in our vocabulary that for me means self-love. It also means perseverance and peace. It’s comforting and gentle and reminds me of how fragile life really is. That word is Serenity. When my brother, Rock Star, and I sat down to capture the importance of this word in a song, we knew it would come easy if we allowed the love between us to flow without interruption, just like the water flows over Niagara Falls. To feel our way through the evolution of this song without second-guessing our direction would allow us to accomplish our goal of creating a song that would speak a language that everyone could understand and appreciate; the language of love between others—between siblings, parents and children, to boyfriends or girlfriends, wives or husbands. Love and serenity go hand in hand—just as we do with others with whom we walk through our lives—don’t they? For years, my brother, who wrote and arranged the music to this song, had wanted to record it for something big. I can recall him playing it on the piano for others often.  And for all of us listening, we knew it was going to be something special. Yet he never had any words to go with the beautiful sound. It was a melody we believed held special meaning, although it was a song that had no name. The song captured the emotions within us, and those of us who had heard it in its infancy had our own words for it. While creating the ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT Serenity CD, a glorious   I wrote as the waves crashed below me. achievement for us, my brother handed me his song and asked me to pen the lyrics and craft a melody for his song. He told me to sit with it for a night. This is where the request for our uninterrupted flow of love needed to begin for us in regards to the completion of Serenity, our song of love to one another. For him it meant to trust me with something he considered so personal. For me it meant to dig deep within my soul and connect to those words that were meant just for this tune. So I recorded him playing and took the sound of the piano with me to the upstairs of the house I was at in Malibu. And as I listened to the oceans waves crash below me I began to write … There was a time not very long ago I didn’t know who I was meant to be Nothing but despair, I was on my own Nothing in this life seemed right for you or me I never knew it could be this way I never thought we could have it this way But that changed when I learned to let go When I learned to be with you, instead of all alone Now I’m by your side, just as you’re at mine To find serenity and have it all the time I never knew it could be this way I never thought we could have it this way It’s the way it was meant to be Just you and me and serenity It’s the way it was meant to be Together now and serenity I never thought that this could be Just you and me and serenity Here we are standing hand in hand You know we have come so far Just you and me is how it’s meant to be Serenity is all I dream for you and me It only took me 15 minutes to come up with these words and the eventual melody to   "Serenity." For me the song captured everything that I believed the word meant—love, peace, trust and tranquility. These words are all captured in this song. I  found so much peace with my brother’s trust with his music that night. This was one of the most beautiful moments that I will ever be grateful for. I hope that when you listen to the song "Serenity" that it reminds you of the importance of each moment we are here to experience and that during all of those moments, love will lead the way if you let it. » Read about Super Star, follow his posts and buy the "Serenity" CD here.

There are many songs that we intend to perform during our Rockin’ Recovery Tour this year. All of them are important and have been chosen help paint a picture of hope during the challenging struggle that I faced during my 15 year addiction to drugs. Most of the songs to be performed are ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT songs, but some of the songs chosen are from other artists. When crafting what this tour would look like, the team at RSSS Worldwide was very strategic in our approach. After all, this isn’t just a rock concert. It’s an event that must    The logo for Rockin’ Recovery Tour 2011 appeal to the masses; a theatrical rock show that must contain all the elements that  will make it a memorable time for all those in attendance. And it must be story of hope and achievement, an event worth repeating year after year because of the many stories of recovery that we know will come from it. As we get closer to our first date, the excitement for our tour seems to be contagious  as we are already looking to book dates of future tours into 2013. When I sat down to write our songs "Claws" and "Abuse Me" that appear on our 2010 Serenity release, I was in an unhappy and unfamiliar place. My early recovery was a dark time, and my stinkin’ thinkin’ was frequent. I can recall often not being able to see but a few hours of clarity ahead of me. I had to constantly stay in the moment to get beyond my cravings. These moments seemed full of despair. That’s why "Claws" and "Abuse Me" are somewhat aggressive. They were written from a place within my mind that was still waging a war against my addict-like thoughts. And what came from this heaven-and-hell battle between my good and evil thoughts were two of my favorite songs on the "Serenity" CD. That’s why we have chosen to include these two songs within our set list this year. They will help us tell the story of this struggle in a way that will connect to those that can identify. This struggle is important to convey and will allow us to set the stage for what’s next in everyone’s story of recovery: the hope! The Rockin’ Recovery Tour is shaping up to be an awesome spectacle of the sheer brilliance of recovery. It will be a show that embraces hope and love and where strength and willingness can overcome our ill thoughts and actions if that is what we desire. Other songs will help us communicate the importance of responsibility, family, self-love and, if necessary, a life of sobriety. As we get closer to our first tour date, I will shed some light on the other songs we have chosen and why we are going to be including them in our set list. It is my hope that through the ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT’s efforts on our Rockin’ Recovery Tour that you too will be inspired by our enthusiasm for this event and that you will help us use this tour as a vehicle into the hearts and minds of all those who will rock with us. » Read about Super Star, follow his posts and buy the "Serenity" CD here.

When I was younger, I wanted to become a stunt car driver, a rock star or a NFL quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys. I didn't have a preference, really. I just knew I wanted to soar to greatness in one of these fields. But then the dreaming stopped. Drugs and my stinkin' thinkin' soon got in the way of my hopes of becoming anyone. For 15 years, I struggled to define myself. Drugs were the only thing I cared about. That's what happens to individuals like me who suffer from substance use disorder. My daily regimen was all about the fix. No longer did I care about becoming that rock star, football player or stunt-car driver. All I cared about was chasing my next hit. That was a horrible time in my life. Before I got sober, I used to think that I had to act a certain way. I thought I had to do what I saw everyone else doing. My neighbors were a living example of the movie "Groundhog Day." Getting up each day and doing the daily grind that later in the day they would complain about. Countless times I have heard many co-workers think only about only their weekends—the two days out of their lives every week that they look forward to. That ideal about life found me feeling hopelessness about life. I didn't want to conform to what I observed in society, but I felt I had to in order to fit in. And that's when my drug use began to escalate. I had to break free, I had to be myself. When I finally did get sober, I realized that my feelings towards having to always believe that I needed to fit was one of the key reasons I ran to drugs in the first place. I ignore beliefs that are false fo r me. They don't define me. I define me. Working so hard and always failing to find happiness in what I thought was expected of me from our society often brought me to my knees in despair. Why couldn't I just do what I saw everyone else doing? Why couldn't I just settle down and be happy with what I saw as the norm? I am at my core a dreamer. Many have called me a hopeless dreamer: A person who lives in fantasy, ignoring the real world and its expectations. Those are the words that I would once dwell over. My thoughts surrounding them took me to the darkest places imaginable. Today I have become stronger and I am capable of ignoring these beliefs that are false for me. They don't define me. I define me. They are only the reflections of those that speak them. My time in this world is valuable. It is no longer to be spent getting high in an effort to conceal my identity. It is to be spent working on myself and towards my goals and dreams. I know this now. And not just on the weekends either but 24 hours a day and seven days a week. To approach everyday as a wonderful opportunity to adapt and overcome and to achieve only the expectations I set for myself. I am no longer in hiding from myself and no longer willingly carrying around my key chain of unhappiness. Today it's all about self-love and respect for myself. That is why I am sober today and as long as I can remain comfortable in my own skin, I will remain sober tomorrow. My dream for myself is to keep trying to achieve them all. » Read about Super Star, follow his posts and buy the Serenity CD here.

The stigma of drugs associated with Rock & Roll has existed since the early days of this type of music. Many sober musicians from the Fifties to the present day have been though of as drug addicts simply due to their affiliation with the world of Rock. That’s unfortunate because there are many world-class musicians that who have been successful in staying away from the substances that have wreaked havoc on the lives    Gene Simmons: Never been drunk and dreams of many of their peers. Take the band Kiss for example. It’s well known that Ace Frehley and Peter Criss were heavily intoxicated during most of their career with Kiss. What is not as well known, however, is that Paul Stanley and Gene Simmons were not involved in this lifestyle. In fact, Gene Simmons claims to have never been drunk a day in his life. That’s sure not what my mother used to think as she tore down all my Kiss posters while proclaiming that all the members were nothing but drug addicts. While my brother and I were putting together the music for our CD "Serenity," which features many of these world class musicians, we were able to see firsthand that many of our musical heroes were indeed living a life of responsibility and, for some, a life of sobriety. To hear their stories of what really happens out on the road helped us paint a clearer picture as to why these legends of Rock were our heroes in the first place. They were not only musicians we adored; they became our inspiration for our continued commitment to the ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT efforts. Many of them shared with us how they had to find the strength to become triumphant against substance abuse on the road and, for my brother and me, their aw0 inspiring efforts became our fuel during the recording process. There have been many rock stars, however, who have fallen to the disease of addiction. They have disappeared and are no longer able to provide us with the great music they once were able to contribute. Think of how much more music Elvis or Michael Jackson could have created if they hadn’t used drugs to quiet their minds. It’s very sad to think of all the losses we have endured in the world of music over the years due to drug abuse. Even sadder knowing it could have all been prevented. The Rockin’ Recovery Tour That is why the ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT is doing what we can do to prevent anymore unnecessary tragedies in the world of rock and roll in which we live. This September and October we are taking the ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT and some of our musical icons out on the road for our Rockin’ Recovery Tour. The Rockin’ Recovery Tour is our way of fighting the stigma associated with the disease of addiction and to spread awareness that with appropriate services and supports, anyone struggling with substance use disorder and/or mental health concerns can live a healthy, rewarding life. Even the rock and rollers—although I’m still not so sure our mother would approve. Want to know where the Rockin’ Recovery Tour will be this fall?  Check us out on Facebook @ Rock Star Super Star Project or @ Rockin’ Recovery Tour or on the web. » Read about Super Star, follow his posts and buy the Serenity CD here. Photo: CC by Flickr user Wok

I used drugs to escape my world of despair and to forget about the pain that I seemed to feel at every turn. My addiction had convinced me that the sadness would never end. I was often lonely and felt forgotten by the rest of the world. For me, drugs took those moments of despair and pain away. At least that’s what it felt like while I was doing them. However, the moment I stopped using the despair and pain would reappear. And so the cycle of my drug use began. It’s not that I didn’t try to stop as often as I started again. Once, after just scoring a few bags of crack cocaine on the mean streets of Chicago, I can vividly remember saying to myself, as I drove away, that this would be my last trip out to purchase drugs. But as soon as I finished those few bags, I found myself returning the next day for more. It was an empty promise made to myself countless times. Each time, I failed miserably trying to uphold it. I bandaged myself in assurances that I was not really an addict; I didn’t really have a problem. Addicts had holes in their arms caused by infections from dirty needles or were people who roamed the streets at night—stealing, killing and destroying lives in Need Help? The National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence (NCADD) is a resource available to assist in providing substance use disorder information to people and to assist in identifying local resources available in your community. For information on what support is available—for you or someone else—call 1-800-NCA-CALL (622-2255) or identify the NCADD affiliate in your community by clicking here. order to get another five-dollars’ worth. Addicts were ruthless, toothless and homeless. I wasn’t one of those guys. I was a self-employed computer consultant, I managed my own employees, had a girlfriend and my own house. I couldn’t let myself admit that I was slowly drifting from the security and rewards of a settled life to one found on the street. My addiction was turning into a necessary comfort and was constantly calling my name. And that is when, deep down, I knew I had a problem. Yet I still couldn’t admit it to myself. I’ve seen addiction in my family. I have seen loved ones drink until they were no longer coherent. I have been with friends who were pretending to be normal when I knew they were really hurting and abusing drugs. Addiction takes on many forms but one thing, I think, remains constant: It's the turning point from something that seems like fun at first to a full-blown dependence. The time when we cross that line into addiction and can think of almost nothing but feeding its hand. For some of us this process is fast and painfully obvious. For others, though, this progression can be slow and brutal. You know you are addicted when you can’t stop using. When just one more becomes another just one more. When you swear to yourself you can stop but realize you cannot. You know you’re addicted when the drugs take over your body and your mind. When you make promises to yourself and others you cannot keep. That’s when the consequences start kicking in. That is when you’ve crossed over that line. That is when you are addicted. And that is when it’s time to reach out before it’s too late. Hope Stays Alive As long as there is still breath, there is still hope. If you, or someone you know, is struggling with an addiction, find support to help you through it. For the one with an addiction the promises of recovery are just a step away; all you have to do is open that door and walk through. For the loved one, support is essential for you as well. We cannot change anyone’s behaviors, but we can change how we face the situation. There are supports available in a variety of ways—Twelve Step programs, treatment centers, support groups, private therapy, attending church. For a lot of people it’s a combination of resources. Just find what works for you and work it! Recovery brought redemption and serenity into my life and it can for anyone else that wants it too. » Read about Super Star, follow his posts and buy the Serenity CD here.

I can recall the earlier days of my sobriety. They were difficult. The challenges of staying sober for me were almost unbearable. But I saw that others had it so why couldn’t I? They were able to stay sober for more than a day. They were human and, the last time I checked, so was I. I wanted what these other individuals seemed to have. I wanted a life of recovery from substance abuse. I wanted to stay sober and make it past my constant cravings for drugs just as they had done for themselves. Cravings during my first year were horrendous. I remember times when I would literally sit in the middle of the kitchen floor pleading with myself not to get up; not to succumb to my disease. I would sweat. I would cry. Sitting there on my hands in an effort to stay grounded and not get up and lose all the days that I had accumulated clean were challenging. These struggles were awful for me then. Never do I want to go through the first days of sobriety and experience that type of pain. I Felt Like I Was Fighting a Losing Battle Others used to tell me that my cravings for drugs and alcohol would dissipate over time, but this didn’t help me while I was fighting those moments. That’s because I couldn’t think that far in advance. I wanted to but I just couldn’t grasp that someday the chains that surrounded me would be gone. Most times it felt like I was fighting a losing battle. But that’s when I started to pay attention to what didn’t work for me and learn from that. My thinking needed to shift and I needed to start working on staying within each moment so I could make it to the next . I learned that I needed to use all my strength to combat my cravings while I was experiencing them, and for me this meant not thinking too far ahead in my future. And then it happened. What everyone told me came true. My cravings have all but disappeared. Today they are actually almost null and obsolete. This has been very freeing for me to experience and I no longer have to sit in the middle of that kitchen floor begging for my addiction to spare me from continued agony. Why? Practicing presence! Staying in the Moment Can Beat Cravings Living a clean and sober life has become easier by getting more and more days under my belt being sober. As each day passes I have become stronger and more focused and it’s this very observation that I feel I must share with others as the most important lesson of all. Practicing presence, working on staying in each moment without thinking too far ahead, has been what worked for me and it can work for you. Cravings are one of the most successful tactics our addiction uses against us. They win more wars than lose them. I have lost this battle against my addiction hundreds of times while trying to become sober. Cravings had a perfect season for 15 years. Now I know this is because I never focused all my might where and when I needed to. I should have used my weapon of practicing presence at the times I needed, but I couldn’t because I wasn’t aware of its existence. But now I do and now you do also. Practicing presence is the exercise of staying within each moment. Strategizing and mapping out a campaign to conquer each passing second by staying sober makes it a lot easier to win the war against cravings. My campaign today is to always be in the moment. Approach each task by thinking only about the task at hand. If you can do this you stand a much better chance of laying your head down tonight clean and sober. » Read about Super Star, follow his posts and buy the Serenity CD here.

I truly never thought that I would be that guy who would turn to drugs to quiet my mind. I never thought I would be that guy who would turn into a monster to feed his addiction. Yet I became that guy. But I also remember a time during my active addiction when I never thought that I would be that guy I am today. One who lives a life clean and sober and one who now only chases after his dreams instead of his drug of choice. So here I stand, reflecting on all I have accomplished since finding peace through recovery. Recovery is a lot of work. But so was feeding my addiction. I have learned throughout my trials that my addiction can only win if I allow it. Today I am aware that it is still lurking behind the shadows. Wanting to grow larger and stronger and waiting for me to succumb to its desire to overcome me if I let it. It’s there, I feel it. I must never forget this. I Have Found My Purpose The time during my active addiction was painful. The moment I was gripped by its chains forever changed my life. Being an addict in recovery is the most difficult thing I have ever had to understand and deal with. Learning to live a life without the use of drugs is not easy and my pursuit to stay clean is something I wish upon no other human being. But that’s the beauty of recovery. This is where I find strength. I did it! And though doing it, I have found my passion—that purpose that fuels my soul and enriches my life. I love speaking professionally to groups of individuals and serving as a source of inspiration through my story and message. This too helps feed my sobriety today. Each time I present an event I feel that I am winning my battle against the beast of addiction; pushing it deeper into a corner. It’s very freeing and beautiful to experience. When I speak to students at schools and parents at community events it is a magical experience and I know it is where I belong. Here's a promotional video we've recently posted on YouTube that will give you a better feel for what our presentations look and feel like. Sharing my story of hope and inspiration is what I was meant to be doing. I know this because I feel it so strongly with each word I speak. I see it in the eyes of those that are listening and I read it in the written words from others that have shared their feedback after a presentation. I cannot imagine doing anything else other than sharing my experiences, strength and hope with others. Self-confidence, strength, wisdom and self-love are all mine today. These were not traits I grew up with. Yet I found them through the desire to be healthy. They came from a place of wanting more out of life. I have worked hard to earn this place I am at in my life and thanks to my recovery I am creating the life that I truly desire. I am climbing to the top of my mountain and I look forward to those that I will meet along the way as we journey to realizing each of our dreams! » Read about Super Star, follow his posts and buy the Serenity CD here.

Every day I wake up I wonder where I am in this thing called life. Am I doing what I should be doing? Could I have done more to help others cope through their struggles with addiction? These are questions that are usually the first I ask myself upon awakening. But then calm always seems to settle in and I realize quickly that where I am in my life is right where I am meant to be. I am here because I choose to be here. I made the decision to be sober and present today and I know that I must continue to maintain my sobriety, just for today, so that I may be here when tomorrow arrives.   I think these types of questions come from a place of worry and concern. From being scared that I have bitten off more than I can chew by taking on the responsibility of something as large as the ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT. It’s almost as if I am self-sabotaging myself by allowing these thoughts to creep in. But it’s not just my work with RSSS that keeps me on my toes with the fear of the unknown. It’s also not always being able to have an answer as to where I am going in the first place! I feel sometimes it’s as if I have blinders on during my days and nights. But through it all, I have noticed one thing that has remained consistent: I have always been able to feel I am heading in the right direction. It’s this intuition that I use as my fuel to continue.   My sobriety is the fuel for my gas tank to realizing my dreams. I look at it as an entity, a shell that surrounds my ambitions, desires and dreams. Staying sober has provided me with an opportunity to foster all those aspirations that had never left my side during my active addiction and I use them as reasons to stay sober.   There are times, however, that my tank runs on fumes. It’s during these moments I stop, identify my stinkin’ thinking and refuel. I do this a lot today through my work. I set goals and reach my milestones. I often don’t do it alone, though. I have set up a support system around me of others that I can lean on in times of need. I view these people like little gas station attendants! I don’t absolutely depend on them, but if I desire any assistance, they accept my hand.   No one ever said that becoming sober was going to be easy. No one ever told me that facing my days without drugs and alcohol would not be challenging. I knew I was going to have to fight this thing called addiction with all my might and for the rest of my life. But this is the path I have chosen for myself. And although sometimes I don’t have the answers as to where my recovery is taking me, I can always be sure of one thing. I will not allow it to take me away from myself. Today my gas tank is full and I am going to run this puppy as far as she will take me!

When I started thinking about becoming sober I needed as many reasons as I could to stay straight. I knew the more reasons I could list, the less of an opportunity my addict mind would have to try to convince me to go back to using. So I took on the task of writing down the reasons that were important for me to start my new life in recovery. One of the bullet points on this list was lying. It was something that I did all the time to maintain my nasty habit and one of the many traits I wanted to no longer do. I wanted so bad to stop all the lies because telling lie after lie made me feel dirty. It was also a lot of work trying to keep my lies in order. Lying became such a constant for me that the difference between reality and my lies often were a blur. And I actually started to believe that my lies were truths! I spent 15 years lying about everything I could just so I could get my hands on more and more drugs. I hurt many people with the stories I created, all in an effort to stay high as long as possible. I would have to think long and hard before I opened up my mouth to others because I didn’t want to screw up the façade that I created with them. That took a lot of energy to maintain. It was nuts! The way I lied about everything was truly a form of insanity. Lying took me further into a dark world and that is a world I do not ever want to return to. Lying isn’t just a trait of addiction. There are people daily who engage in lies for a variety of reasons. They rationalize the lies, telling themselves that they’ll be worse off telling the truth. Some think it’s okay to lie because they’ll be better off financially, or they’ll avoid being punished, or others will view them in a better light, or they won’t have to face the feelings and consequences from being truthful or they fear the reaction from another person. We see lies in various forms every day from prestigious people trying to get out of a sticky situation right down to the little “white lies.” Basically, to me, lying of any form is a disgusting habit so why do we do it? There is always an underlying reason why someone would tell a lie. It’s sad that people feel the need to lie so much—to cover up their truth and ultimately deny their true self. Deceit Is Hard to Escape It’s hard to escape the liars and the cheaters of today’s world even when it’s not about using drugs. Deceit from others has found a way to weasel its way into my life even today. The lies no longer come from me but from others that surround me. Seeing this has been difficult at times for me to experience. Although it has provided a mirror for me to reflect on the times I wasn’t honest and how that brought hurt and pain to the person(s) involved as well as to me. Today I have done my work to clean up my side of the street. Thankfully, through my recovery I have found a way to get through life’s obstacles without having to fib every tale. and to embrace honesty in my relationships. My main priority at all times is to protect my sobriety. I have sought to set up healthy boundaries around me to safeguard myself from lies so my world can be honest and pure as much as I can make it, but once in a while a “liar” sneaks in. It's Important To Practice Compassion This is where the ever important practice of having compassion for others is something that I must practice daily. Understanding that some people will never change is something that I have had to learn to accept. I cannot change anyone other than myself. If someone is broken I cannot fix them. I can however continue to identify and work on my own character defects and this is something that I must always be willing to do. The Serenity Prayer reads: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.” I know I have changed what I could. I turned my lies into truths and although sometimes they are uncomfortable truths, I have serenity in my life today because the lies are gone. This is my hope for others out there struggling with being honest. Take it from me there is so much freedom and joy in knowing I’m true to my word today. I’m grateful I was able to make the change! » Read about Cris and follow her posts here.

What if we could package the moments that are most important to us?   Recently I had a conversation with an enlightened soul who seems to have so much clarity in her life that no toxic energy appears to surround her. This is something she credits to setting healthy boundaries with those she allows in her world. I think that’s an admirable trait that I intend to follow from this point forward. During one of our recent conversations, she talked about a night she had experienced while visiting her horse. It was a night that seemed to be connecting everything around her. The wind, the sounds, smells and her feelings about her furry friend; together, all  seemed perfect. What she described must have been truly a beautiful moment to her. She then said, “I wish I could have packaged that night so I can have it anytime I want.” That sentence put the concept of being awake for, and embracing the truly beautiful moments in life, in a deeper perspective for me. I am grateful that she shared one of her precious moments with me. Realizing even more deeply that each moment is meant to be experienced just for what it is—that is a gift of life and a gift freely attainable through sobriety. Thanks to that conversation, today I was able to notice when I was in my own whirlwind frenzy and I suddenly became aware. It happened to me; I experienced a moment of electric hope, inspiration and appreciation for the tiniest of things life has to offer. A moment that I wish I could package and revisit during times I feel despair setting in. It happened this afternoon while I was at Home Depot. I was standing outside watching a thunderstorm that was fast approaching. The strong wind was blowing across my ears and I felt anticipation of the rain that was about to wash the sun away. The thunder was getting louder as the seconds passed by. Watching this affect me, and the dozens of others rushing to get inside, was an extraordinary moment. As the rain started to drizzle, I found myself eager for it to rain harder. I waited outside in the rain so that I could catch each drop on my shoulders. It was a beautiful moment! It was something I wish that I could share with others. It was my moment, my package to remind me of life’s most precious moments. I am thankful to that friend who was been kind enough to share her wisdom and story with me. It was another gold nugget that reminded me of how lucky I am and that I have must always have gratitude for each breath I take. This is what my recovery has given to me. An insight into my immortality; that my life is precious and must be lived as each day could be my last. I wonder how many moments like these I missed while in my active addiction. How many of these packages did I miss while I was out there in a cheap motel doing anything I could to maintain my fix? I suppose I will never know. But what I do know is how much I am going to hold onto this moment that I experienced. One thing is for sure, I am never letting another moment like this escape me again! What was a moment that you cherish the most? Was it something like I experienced or something entirely different? I invite you to leave a comment so I can also share in your beautiful moment. » Read about Super Star, follow his posts and buy the Serenity CD here. Photo by Juni from Kyoto, Japan (Flickr) [CC-BY-2.0], via Wikimedia Commons

Long before I touched drugs I had developed the thinking that led me to the wastelands of drug abuse. After all, it is this thinking that plays such a huge role in why we use drugs in the first place. You know that stinkin’ thinking that rears its ugly head when there is a lack of self- worth? Those are the thoughts that would wander in my mind and convince me that I needed to run as far away from the most beautiful thing I had—my own reflection. I often wonder why me? Why did I become that “one” from the statistics of 1 in 10 people who would become addicted to drugs? Where did I learn to seek something outside of myself to quiet my thoughts? The disease of addiction ran in my family, yet that certainly was no excuse. Having a history of addiction in my family didn’t necessarily mean I would become addicted to everything that I touched, but it certainly did not help either. I can trace my evolution into addiction to around the 8th grade. When that breakup hurt a little too much for me, when being picked last for gym class became unbearable, when the bullying became something I could no longer handle. That’s when my evolution into addiction spiraled. I had no idea that the lack of self-love that I had developed during my teen years would play such a huge role into my destructive thoughts and actions later in life. At the time no one saw it coming; absolutely no one, not even me. Self-Love: Cheesy—Yet Crucial—Words I wish I had known how important the concept of self-love was when I was a teenager. Two of the cheesiest words I can think of; yet so crucial for living a happy and healthy life. No one ever told me that growing up I needed to have this self-love as it would provide me the self-confidence I would need to make responsible choices. And no one told me that growing up I needed to not abuse my body. I was a teenager. I thought I was invincible. And finally no one ever told me that I should have respect for not only myself but for others as well. If someone did then their message fell on deaf ears. Today I breathe in those words of self-love with every breath. I not only have it for myself but share as much as I can with those whom need it. Initially finding it and holding onto it myself for as long as I could allowed me to foster it and then share it appropriately with others. That’s where I find my serenity today and this is what allows me to make it through each day sober. Conversations Would Have Made a Difference My evolution into addiction could have been avoided. It could have been avoided if those around me would have made an attempt to have those crucial conversations with me at an early age. It could have been avoided if I had reached out to a teacher, a parent or a community member and talked with them about the stinkin’ thinking that clouded my mind. My love for myself continues to blossom with each breath. It grows with each step I take at maintaining my recovery and I am alive today because of these words. My advice is to turn off that television, put down that drink or drug and pick up a conversation with a child today. Doing so may just end up saving his or her life and an evolution into addiction. Always Love, always Encourage and never let Despair get in the way. » Read about Super Star, follow his posts and buy the Serenity CD here.

Early on I found that I needed to work every single angle I could to maintain my sobriety. That’s why my brother, Rock Star, and I created the ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT; to inspire others to dream catch and make responsible choices. And to also understand that those responsible choices you make can play an important part in the decision to stay sober. Last week I was invited to speak at a number of schools in upstate New York about the importance of responsibility, dream catching and sobriety. Conveying this message to all those who were within earshot was important not only for those listening but for me as well, although I don’t think all those students who were in attendance knew this.    Super Star at an assembly last week. Those beautiful faces had no clue that they were helping me stay sober by just letting me talk openly and honestly about my experiences with drugs and alcohol. Here is some feedback below from some of these presentations. It’s these words from students that reminded me again this week that not only do dreams come true, but also they can only come true when living a healthy and happy life in recovery from substance abuse. I think your speech was very hopeful and it will make people think twice before they are offered drugs or alcohol. I liked how you told everybody stories about your life and your old addiction. I think it shows people what they can have if they stay sober. Just because some people choose to do drugs it doesn’t make them a bad person. It just means they choose to do the wrong thing and some of them don’t notice that those drugs can take over your life and kill you. I recently had a friend who died from a drug overdose and he was at a young age of 21. What you have said has made me realize how bad drugs can be even though they affect people differently. I think your presentation has reached out to a lot of us students. I have a family who has recently quit drinking because a disease he has got from alcohol and a bad diet. Even if somebody in your family has an addictive trait doesn’t mean you have to do what they do. *** I think Super Star’s presentation was well spoken. His speech inspired me to give an effort to not do drugs. I think it’s a good thing that he used to do drugs and other bad things so later in his life, when he realizes it was a very bad thing to do, he could tell everyone else not to do drugs and why it’s bad. *** I think Super Star spoke well on stage yesterday. I am inspired to make the effort to not do drugs. *** I thought your speech and videos were inspiring. I always thought drugs could be okay if you just try them once, but now thanks to you I know that you could die from the first time. A friend of mine you might know says a lot of good things about you. I also find it great that you’d help anyone with their problems. Thank you Super Star. *** I liked the assembly because he gave some good points on why not to do drugs. Also people have the rest of their lives to worry about and that people shouldn’t live their lives doing drugs just because they are not happy or are depressed. Get out and do something that you enjoy doing like hiking, riding a bike, going camping. Learn from other people’s mistake so you know not to make those choices. I like what you and your brother are doing helping others get better and yourselves. *** I feel strongly about the Rockstar and Superstar Project in a positive manner. I feel that Super Star actually coming my school instead of Skyping us again shows that he really does care about our community. Also it shows outstandingly that it is not about the number of sales of their CDs, only the number of lives that they can save from drugs. They could easily make different music but they are deeply dedicated in making positive choices as adults because they are a large role model to everyone. I also enjoy Rock and Super Star’s music because it is easy to listen to. *** Dear Super Star …What you have gone through must be hard. I know it is. I have dyslexia so it is hard for me to read and write and on top of that my dad was addicted to crack. He left my family and drank and did drugs for one year. It would be so bad he would not come and see me and my two brothers. His mom was a drunk and she did not care and he never knew his dad. After that year he went and got help. He went to rehab and we called every night and it was a long year. *** I thought the presentation (movie, speaker, etc.) was very, very motivational. Super Star was a very good speaker because he used to use drugs and knew how it felt. *** I thought this was a moving experience. Super Star was a cool dude and he taught me not to do drugs. I think it taught me a bunch of cool stuff and I’m glad I saw it. Accountability for me is the name of the game. I cannot turn back now. Life in recovery really can happen for those that want it bad enough. I had to work all the angles because my disease told me that if I didn’t, it would find a way out of the chains that I had set it in. This last week I heard not a peep from my addiction. It was quiet because of all those students that inspired me to continue on my path and live the life for myself that only sobriety can bring to me. My message in this blog is simple. Work the angles. Set up as many pitfalls for your disease as possible. Hit the meetings; talk out loud about your addiction. Tell on yourself and whenever possible, extend a hand to others that need help. Your inspiration to others will lead you to inspire your own recovery—just as I did this last week for myself. Always love, always encourage and never let despair get in the way! » Read about Super Star, follow his posts and buy the Serenity CD here.

I remember waking up every single day and chasing my next fix—that next hit that was going to take me into oblivion and take me away from all the problems I didn’t want to deal with. I was a zombie. Always out there searching for it. Sleep, food—basically all the necessities that we as humans need, I could care less about. All I wanted was my drugs. But during those rare times when I did sleep, during those rare moments in-between the hunt for drugs, I would drift into my dreams. Dreams that I had aspired to when I was younger. Dreams that I had before I took that first hit of weed. And they were big dreams! They were magnificent, and if I could just figure out a way to achieve them I wouldn’t need drugs would I? Never did I realize that my evolution into addiction started way before I took that first hit off that cigarette. It started when I lost value of myself and I lacked the self-love that it seemed so many others had. The Key: Self-Love Self-love. I never thought those two words could be so cool and important. Never did I think that it was those two words that would be so significant in being able to achieve anything that I wanted. But they were… Over the years, during those brief moments of clarity, I began to work on this thing called self-love. My intuition told me that if I could just work on myself then I could become all that I wanted to be. It took a lot of time—hundreds of hours of self-work involving discovery and learning to    It's beautiful up here. Care to join me? look hard at my reflection to find what I was looking for. That feeling of self-respect. That feeling of hope. These were all things that came to me because I chose to do the work and I chose to face my demons head on and diminish the power I once gave to them. You know what I found when I did beat them? My dreams. My dreams of becoming a Super Star. For me that simply meant finding my purpose in life after my 15-year struggle with my addiction. Today I can stand to look at my own reflection and each time I do I love myself even more. Not for what’s outside but for all the beauty that I have inside. That’s where my value was hiding. More Metaphorical Mountains To Climb As you read this I am working hard at fulfilling more of my dreams. My self-confidence that I have regained is helping me achieve this. The trust that I have found within myself has allowed me to break free from the chains of addiction and has now enabled me to carry a mighty flag of victory to even higher mountains than ever before. I’ll never give up the fight. Sure it’s a struggle everyday, but as I get closer to the top of my next mountain I am inspired to start mapping out my next endeavor. But one thing is for certain; I will always look down and remember how hard this climb to the top for me was. And while I am up here, it is my intention to help those that are beginning their climb find a way up to where I am standing now. It’s beautiful up here. Care to join me?

Sometimes I wonder why I am still here. Why, after all those years of abuse am I still breathing when so many others aren’t because of this disease?  Just this week I heard news of a 21-year-old from my hometown dying after finally giving sobriety a chance!  That’s the Russian roulette of addiction; one never knows if this disease will take your life or not.

Truth be known, I am afraid of death. I am afraid of it because it’s an unknown. My belief is that there is something magnificently beautiful beyond but right now it’s not anything I’m eager to experience.

I woke up today just as I do every day with gratitude—gratitude that I’m alive and I’m sober. I have been given a gift of life; a second chance to see my dreams come true. I never gave my dreams much of a thought when I was using, but now I see so much that I want to accomplish. The CD Serenity that Rock Star and I wrote and recorded was released last fall and my book, The First 30 Days to Serenity is scheduled for printing this week. In one week, I’ll be presenting to schools in upstate New York, sharing my message of redemption and hope. I never saw those visions during my addiction, let alone believe that I had a purpose in life. But I do now! Yes, I do!

My passion for living is now reinforced by the fact that I don’t want to be remembered as a drug addict, or as a junkie, as I was once referred to as.

I Want to Be Remembered for My Enthusiasm
I want to live my life so I’ll be remembered for my enthusiasm. My lust for recovery and my passion for convincing others that sobriety is something that anyone can have. I want to be remembered as a person who wasn’t afraid to fall in love with himself when he finally realized he wasn’t such a bad guy after all. And finally, I want to be remembered as a man who was able to find redemption when so many others told me it would never be accessible to someone like me, a drug addict.

There is a lot to be done while I am alive and I’m excited today to live the rest of my life!  To see more of my dreams become a reality. Another CD. Another book. Taking the ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR Project message out to the youth and parents of our communities. Rockin’ it out in September during the Rockin’ Recovery Tour!Those are the things I choose to focus on today in my life. I have gratitude and appreciation for this chance I’ve been given; this chance that some never get.  

Always love, always encourage and never let despair get in the way.

» Read about Super Star, follow his posts and buy the Serenity CD here.

Recently I’ve blogged about my relentless pursuit to reach for my dreams and how that led to working with the musical heroes from my childhood, the creation of the ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT, Serenity CD and our upcoming Rockin’ Recovery Tour to support National Recovery Month in September, 2011. None of these things would have happened if I didn’t find the courage to get sober. After finding sobriety I tapped into my creativity and with perseverance I achieved a dream! As I look back now it’s been an awesome ride that was well worth the ups and downs and twists and curves of living life on life’s terms! Recently, I was reading some journal writings from the time Rock Star and I spent in the studio recording Serenity. I thought it might be interesting to share some excerpts to give you a glimpse at how Serenity became a reality. Day 1 in the Studio First day of recording with the legendary Bob Kulick alongside with his partner Brett Chassen. Bob is a Grammy award-winning artist and producer and was carefully hand selected by Rock and I to produce and polish what will be our first CD release. We will also be tapping Chris Caffery (TSO, Savatage) for a role as producer on a few select songs. We are excited to have him! Today’s first day was fun. I laid down the tracks for the first two songs we are working on. The first is called ‘Do it for you” and the second is called “Don’t give up.” It is unclear who will be singing on these yet but hey, at least we got the drums down. I had to play to a click track for the first time ever and I was able to find its groove quickly. By the time the session ended, I found myself missing the “click click click” in my head! We go back Thursday and Friday for another beating. Forgive the pun. On Thursday, we will be laying down the tracks for “Such a Bitch” and “Stronger Now.” I am sure the “Stronger” title will change. I am not feeling it. I will also be telling Brett I want to re-record the drumming to the bridge section of “Do it for you” to include the ride cymbal. I hope he’s not mad! All in all, this is an amazing and super experience. Day 10 in the Studio Oh crap! Bruce is coming in. Bruce Kulick! How cool is that we got Bruce Kulick to play on “Do it for you” and “Abuse Me?"  Okay, so Bruce walks in, we make the introductions and are beside ourselves that we are going to be working with him. As if all this wasn’t enough, he then whips out the guitar, a 1953 Les Paul, that his brother had used on the studio side of Kiss Alive 2 for such songs as “Rocking in the USA” and “Larger than Life.”  It was also used on some songs for Paul Stanley’s 1978 Solo album. He plugs it in and immediately begins crafting a solo for “Do it for you.” When the dust settled and all was said and done, the result was amazing. It was so eerie to hear that tone from the guitar that was featured on so many of those classic Kiss tunes now being played on our track. We got some pictures of it and some great video as well. God, it came out so amazing! The next track was called “Abuse Me.”  It is a weird song. It’s very Kiss-like up front but then eventually settles into a Beatles type bridge section, only to go right back in a Kiss type arrangement for the chorus. It is a delicate beast. The song is about my love affair with drugs, so it takes you through a wide array of emotions. We set it up this way to be able to communicate the message about the dangers of drugs. I have to say, thank god we chose Bruce to play on this track as well. He nailed it, note for note and he thought of a few things that never even crossed our minds. That is the difference between a pro and someone who just plays for fun. From his years of playing, Bruce just has this vast array of tools that he is able to pick and choose from and is able to use these tools and ideas to best compliment a song like this. Day 13 in the Studio So we went in Monday and nailed out a track called “We Are One.” It’s odd, this track was supposed to be a song called “I am sorry” but ultimately ended up being too upbeat. So, since I am responsible for all the melodies and lyrics for this project, I felt I needed to make best use of the emotion that I was feeling while listening back to the track. Something was pulling me towards having it be a song that celebrates a community of recovering addicts. And so it hit me, why not be a song named “We Are One." The irony to this story is that this is the track that I worked on with some young recovering addicts while in Chicago. How appropriate is that! So cool! The song was developed from an acoustic tune that my brother handed to me some time ago. It was this track that I let the kid’s rock along with, put their “vibe” on it, and is now what I regard as my  favorite track on the CD. Although I must say, I have yet to write any of the lyrics yet, but I do have some great ideas for the melodies! Wow! It’s been quite the journey thinking back on those days when the CD was just a vision. Putting my sobriety first, a lot of hard work and keeping focused on my vision led to the evolution of Serenity!  And now to see that copies of the CD are selling at Hot Topic Stores across the country is beyond my wildest dreams!  To listen to some clips of songs on Serenity, click here. » Read about Super Star, follow his posts and buy the Serenity CD here.

My first thoughts about becoming sober were always for the wrong reason. I was looking to clean myself up for others and not for myself. That’s why I had so many failed attempts at sobriety. I totally didn’t get it.   One of the worst things for me to experience during my active addiction was having to say "I am sorry" to everyone around me. Sorry for the constant let downs and lies. I cringe just thinking about it. Today there is no more I’m sorry. That’s because today I do it for me.   When my twin brother, Rock Star, and I sat down to write our song “Do it for you,” we wanted to capture how important it was for someone who might be struggling to think about this very lesson. Why are they trying to get sober? Is it for them or someone else? We also wanted to seize how important continued encouragement from a loved one is to an addict during their fight to combat their disease. Encouragement with boundaries was a necessity for me. It was important to have someone cheering me on at the sidelines, and it was also important for me to know that they would not be sticking around if I chose to keep using.      I believe writing songs about my addiction alongside my brother served as a tremendous opportunity for healing. Just sitting there at rehearsal and having to come up with the raw emotions about why we were writing this song helped spark even more communication between the two of us. That was a magical time for me. I will forever cherish how important that was towards my emotional growth and towards healing my relationship with my brother.   When we did finally have a chance to sit in the studio with legendary producer Bob Kulick, it was this song that we felt inspired to record first. That’s how important this message was for me to convey. I wanted to tackle "Do t for You" quickly so my brother and I could successfully capture the emotion and importance of staying sober for you and not for anyone else. After my brother and I laid down our talents to "Do it for you," we asked Todd La Torre (Crimson Glory) to lay down the perfect vocals for it. His contribution was even more than I had hoped for. Mark Slaughter (Slaughter) came in at a later time and lent his splendid voice for the backing vocals, and the end result was perfection. Eventually we recruited Bruce Kulick (Kiss) to record the guitar solo for “Do it for you.” I remember Bruce walking in the studio - Rock Star and I were beside ourselves having the chance to work with someone whose pictures we had on our bedroom walls. All these musicians were heroes to us growing up and here we both were—together thanks to my sobriety—working besides them. All thanks to my doing it for me.   Every morning when I wake up, I make it a point to remember just why I got sober in the first place. I make it a point to be just as selfish in my recovery as I was during my addictive addiction. When I was out using and abusing, I wanted my drugs for me and only me. Today my energy is spent directing that selfishness towards my sobriety. I do it for myself and for no other reason beyond that.   I can hear my brother saying, “Come on Super Star, Do it for you!” Well brother Rock Star, I sure am, sure am and I will continue to do it for me.   So here it is, our song "Do it for you." Crank it, enjoy it and live the message loud and proud!

When I finally chose to get sober, I knew that surrounding myself with sobriety would be key. I realized that when I didn’t immerse myself in my recovery, unhealthy thoughts would rear their ugly head more often than not. That’s why people who are sober go to meetings and have friends who are also in recovery. It is surrounding oneself with healthy people, places and things that keep us on the right path; the path where we rediscover ourselves and realize our true gifts and passion in life. This has been a key for me to stay clean and that’s why I relentlessly work hard to bring our message to the masses. Every September, there is a national observance to educate the public across America about the fact that treatment works! To make people aware that, with appropriate services and supports, people struggling with substance use disorder and/or mental health concerns can live a healthy and rewarding life. ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT’s main objective is to get this message out in any way it can. For some a more subdued and subtle message will suffice; but for others an ear-crushing decibel beat is a necessity! That’s where the Rockin’ Recovery Tour comes in! The ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT is taking our very own Rockin’ Recovery Tour on the road during the month of September, 2011 for National Recovery Month and we want to come to your town to rock out to the message of sobriety. The Rockin’ Recovery Tour is another way for the ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT to bring awareness to the disease of addiction and celebrate recovery; a rockin’ sober event that spreads HOPE to all those that have been or are affected by the disease of addiction! There will be guest musicians from our CD Serenity along with others performing songs and brief skits or readings symbolizing addiction and recovery including music from Serenity. This performance is appropriate for all ages and for good reason: No age is too early to learn about the importance of sobriety and responsibility! This concert is for families, parents, kids, friends and anyone else to enjoy. It is our hope that people will celebrate the road to recovery and be inspired to engage in those necessary conversations with others helping to increase awareness and decrease the social stigma still associated with addiction. Together we make a difference! And from the songs on our CD, we’ll be rocking to the message that "We’ve Gotta Get Out of This Place" and finally let go of the "Claws" of "Mistress Insidious." As long as "We Don’t Give" up, "One Day at a Time" we will find our "Serenity" because together "We Are One!" So we hope to see you out on the road in September 2011 as this amazing spectacle rocks out the importance of sobriety!  If you would like more information on how to bring the Rockin’ Recovery Tour to your community, email me. » Read about Super Star, follow his posts and buy the Serenity CD here.

Want to work with your favorite Rock Star? Here’s how I made this dream come true. When I was young, I was obsessed with my music. Not just the music but the icons of rock who were responsible for writing my favorite tunes. From Kiss to Motley Crue, I was infatuated with all the great bands of the day. Posters of them were everywhere I was. My room and my locker at school were places I felt I could showcase this talent. I had all the magazine articles, wore all the t-shirts and knew everything about the musicians that I listened to. These musicians were my heroes. They kept my mind occupied and my ears happy. My thoughts were always racing with the hopes of someday becoming one of them. But then I discovered drugs and those bands eventually fell by the wayside to my new infatuation—getting high. My drug use   Recording the Serenity CD: a dream made true by persistence and sobriety. quickly took over and was enough to convince me that I no longer needed heroes. That all I needed were my drugs. The drugs took my dreams of becoming a rock star away from me because I chose to. But at the time I didn’t understand that it was a choice. Like everyone who succumbs to an addiction, I felt I could continue using and stop whenever I wanted to. Boy was I wrong! When I did get sober, I found myself dreaming like a kid again, listening again to the songs that used to bring me so much happiness and peace. It was during this time that I decided to send my addiction a message. My message to it was that no matter how hard it tried to kill all my hopes and dreams that I just wouldn’t let it. My brother Rock Star and I had always wanted to start a band. But not just any other band. We wanted our band to come out of the gate strong and be a bombastic rock-and-roll spectacle to the ears. An onslaught to the senses. We knew we couldn’t do it by ourselves either. We had to dream big to make it happen. Our dream? To work with those bands we grew up admiring. To make those posters come to life and not only work with those heroes but become heroes ourselves. So how did we do it? To kick this project off, we needed to open a door. We knew we were facing an uphill battle so it had to be smart and creative. Our idea had to also be appealing. So then my brother had a thought. Why not approach one of these masters of metal with a proposition? One that would be so rewarding they couldn’t possibly ignore our advance. The idea was not at all glamorous but it was an idea that we knew someone would appreciate and, most importantly, someone would need. But first we had to decide who we wanted to do this for. Once we could identify this person we knew we were on our way. It Didn't Matter That We Didn't Know How The idea was to build a website for someone that we thought had one that was less than desirable. We didn’t even know how to build websites and couldn’t even spell HTML at the time but we didn’t let that thwart our desires. All that it would take was a couple hundred hours to learn how to build a website and the time and a willingness to achieve was something we had plenty of. We eventually found our candidate and reached out to him without success. Not even an acknowledgment to our emails. Maybe this person was too busy? Perhaps he didn’t care to associate with two looney-tune fans who wanted to befriend him by offering to build his website. We didn’t know but we didn’t care either. We knew we had to keep trying and that is what we did. After countless attempts via email we finally received a response: “Got your emails, out on the road will email when I return stateside.” It was hard enough digging up this person’s email address but it was going to be even harder pitching him a well- thought-out design for a website that we didn’t even know how to build! When this person did return home, he kept his word and emailed my brother a time for a quick call. We were so excited to talk with him. Just having him respond to our email was amazing but waiting for his call was a priceless moment in time. The call eventually did take place and after some time a wonderful friendship ensued. His website was built and released to some very positive fanfare. We were on our way and, through this first musician, we were able to access many more over time. Three words come to mind that were necessary for us to accomplish our goal. In order they are as follows. 1. Sobriety 2. Creativity 3. Perseverance Without sobriety I would have not been able to accomplish what most would see as very challenging. Sobriety has brought me the gift of realizing my intelligence and the willingness to work. It allows me to tap into my creative sense and not ever let despair get in the way. I promise you, achieving my childhood dreams could not have come true unless I were first sober. We had found that we needed to be creative with every person who we wanted to work with. Creativity was needed from the very moment we had our vision. You have to be creative at every turn. Creative to find contact information, creative with your pitch, creative with everything you do so that your dream can be crafted just how you envisioned it. For it to be your idea and not turn into anyone else’s. It is about working the angles and adapting to the next one if the first one doesn’t seem to work out the way that you had hoped. Calls Ignored; Meetings Blown Off Our perseverance is a constant. It has to be. There are so many walls that we needed to break down and so many others that wanted us to conform to what they wanted us to be. For every hundred emails that left our outbox, only one might have been replied to. Most of our calls were ignored, meetings were blown off. Everything seemed to be in our way at times but we never gave up. We were always persistent and we were perseverant. We always saw the light at the end of the tunnel and never gave up looking in its direction. Recovery for me has been seeing that I can accomplish whatever I set out to accomplish. Whatever I desire for myself can be mine and will be provided if I have my sobriety and keep creativity and perseverance in mind. Because of my actions and optimism, I have now become a person that I am proud of. I have now become one of my own heroes. My very own Super Star—and you can, too! » Read about Super Star, follow his posts and buy the Serenity CD here.

We all have dreams. Dreams have inspired many to accomplish the unfathomable, from walks on the moon to unimaginable inventions. Everything that we, as a civilization, have created for ourselves first was a thought; a dream in someone’s mind. I, too, have had dreams, just like everybody else. Dreams of hope beyond my addiction. Thoughts of things I thought would be unobtainable. And they were while I was out there in my active addiction. But I had never forgotten about them. Even while I was out there using it was these dreams that would inspire me to keep trying. To keep reaching for the stars and to try, and try again, at accomplishing some of them. It was one of the dreams that I was able to accomplish when finally surrendering to my addiction. A dream seen by others as so unrealistic that many would tell me that I was nuts for even trying. Even many more would tell me that it would never happen. But I didn’t listen to any of them. My dreams were what I leaned on for encouragement. They were what I used as a beacon to lead me out of the darkness of addiction and into the light of recovery.    Smitten from the first KISS song. Growing up, I had always had a vision. That vision was to be a rock star. I had admired rock stars since I heard my first KISS song. The image, the sound, the attitude of what they were able to create was something that I wanted. Frequently I would imagine I was one of these iconic heroes. Little did I know that someday I would be one. First, I started the ROCKSTAR SUPERSTAR PROJECT alongside my twin brother, Rock Star.  We created the RSSS Project in an effort to raise awareness among those who suffer from substance use disorder. We knew we had to do something spectacular with RSSS. But what? So, after legally changing our names to Rock Star and Super Star, we dared to accomplish one of our dreams. The dream was to work alongside our childhood heroes to help us further our quest. That’s exactly what we did. With my brother’s help, we were successful in recruiting many of those iconic poster pin-ups we had grown up admiring. This was done for the purpose of helping others through one of life’s most challenging times. The difficult time I am referring to is addiction to drugs and/or alcohol. Overcoming such a powerful disease takes every ounce of one’s willingness. But it’s not just willingness. It’s everything else. Every dose of encouragement, every single fiber of inspiration and a lot of work. All these things tie into successfully combating the illness that many have conquered. In my next blog, I will be sharing how I made this happen. How I turned my dreams into reality in the name of sobriety and to extend a helping rock-and-roll hand to all those that want to accomplish their own dreams. » Read about Super Star and follow his posts here. Photo CC-By Alberto Cabello from Vitoria Gasteiz

Before I chose to get sober, I would hear from others that being in recovery from substance abuse would bear gifts of an unfathomable level. It was almost impossible for me to think that someday I could have many of them for myself. I didn’t know what kind of gifts these people were talking about but I knew that whatever they were must be better than what I was not achieving in my life while out there abusing drugs.  When I was out using, I was a monster. I only cared about one thing and that was feeding my addiction by any means possible. When I look back it is crazy for me to think of myself as that person I once was. But it did happen. The devil in the addiction really does exist. I was that person who would do anything to get my next fix. It didn’t matter what it was, I would just do it. That’s who I was and what I was about when overpowered by my disease. But occasionally the real me would peek outside my dark and thick outer layer and get a glimpse towards the light of hope called recovery. Were those people right about there being gifts in recovery? And if so, what did that even mean? Did they mean if I found sobriety I would get presents for it or did they mean something else? I wasn’t sure but what I was certain about was my desire to give sobriety a chance. And that’s what I did three years ago. Today I can finally identify some of those gifts that I used to hear others talk about. Some of them are universal and I imagine are meant for everyone who embarks on this spiritual journey. For example, I don’t have to be in charge of everything anymore! What a relief this has been for me to realize. I know now that it is okay to turn things over to a higher power and, when I do, things always have a way of turning out for the best. Now I can accept my life journey as it is and find strength and courage to trust in a power greater than myself. I have regained the trust that I had once lost from family members, friends, and peers. I have self-confidence and a renewed sense of who I am. I am content with my reflection, strong in my wisdom and today I am firm in my recovery. I am working it because I am worth it. But there is more….  So much more…. Gifts in recovery are available to everyone. And I believe some of gifts are personal and individualized. For me I have been gifted with the opportunity to convey the importance of sobriety to kids across the country via our Skype presentations and school assemblies. This has been a remarkably rewarding gift and one that I cherish the most. Another has been finding the strength and courage to pull together my childhood hero musicians for our Serenity project. To work with such a talented group of musicians could not have happened if I had first not gotten sober. Finally, tapping even deeper into my dream book to take our Rockin’ Recovery Tour out on the road as another way to bring awareness to the disease of addiction and celebrate recovery, spreading HOPE for all those affected by addiction! As long as I stay sober and continue to put the right foot in front of the other every day, my gifts will be plentiful. I will always have the pleasure to unwrap them one at a time, exposing the treasure of life that lies within each package. » Read about Super Star and follow his posts here.

Something that helps me stay sober and focused on my recovery is remembering how I felt when I was in my active addiction. Not just how I felt about myself but how I thought others perceived me and my drug use. This offers a lot of insight for me when I look back now at what I was really feeling in my addiction through the eyes of sobriety. Seeing more clearly how my drug use was actually covering up those feelings I didn’t want to face; especially those feelings of shame and guilt.

Recently I had an interesting experience when I had the opportunity to drive someone to an inpatient rehab center in the Midwest. During the check in process I observed others looking at me as if I was the patient being admitted. I found myself feeling uncomfortable with the way the staff and visitors were looking at me, even feeling shameful. I was carrying this person’s duffle bag which might have indicated I was in fact, the patient. At that moment, I realized that I had just been taken back in my memory to the time when I experienced walking through this process of entering rehab. A process that I can vividly recall feeling embarrassed about. All the drama, judging and negative energy that I felt was directed at me when entering rehab through a simple glance from another was suddenly facing me again even though I was not the one there for help. There I was; sober and clean for nearly three years but at that moment it was like I hadn’t been sober at all.

So I got to thinking, what could this mean?

My Disease Wants Me Dead
Here is what I think it means. It means my disease wants me dead. It is waiting for an opportunity to suck me back into its whirlwind of doom. Its tactic is to use shame against me. The shame from my drug use was at one time so overwhelming that I would run back to my drugs for comfort at every turn. I couldn’t face my feelings. If I really allowed myself to feel them they would be too painful and I didn’t have the tools to move through that pain. And, I certainly did not see hope in feeling any of those feelings. During that time using drugs was the only thing that would help me forget how dirty I felt because of my addiction.

For me being in recovery means a lot more than just being sober; it also means having the ability to deal with my emotions. Most of my feelings were covered up with substances for so long that I had almost forgotten that some of them existed. When I chose to get sober I was finally faced with having to embrace my feelings enough to understand them and then deal with them. I now understand where the feelings were coming from that day I took that patient to rehab. They were coming from a monster within that I must never let control me again which is why it is so important for me to be in touch with my feelings.

Today I’m grateful because things have changed for me. Shame and guilt don’t lead me back to my addiction.  Today they are just feelings; something for me to be aware of and see what they are telling me about myself.  I make it a point to remember how disgusting drugs made me feel today. Not to feel bad about myself but to remember that I never want my addiction to rob me of my life and my dreams again. This latest experience is a reminder of just how powerful this disease can be. It’s a disease so strong that it is always trying to work its way back into stinkin’ thinking. This is why it’s so important for me to constantly be aware of my thoughts because I know it’s my thinking that my disease will use to destroy me.

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Read more about Super Star and the RockStar SuperStar Project here.